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oh am i in a state! i have no one to blame but myself. i am a graduate student about to complete my studies this semester and i am currently working as a hostess in an upscale sushi restaurant for xtra cash. i am also engaged to a wonderful man who loves me more than anthing in the world. recently though, i was diagnosed with stage 1 cervical cancer. it is completely curable, but the news was devestating for me. for the most part the reaction from my friends and family and fiance was, well, like it was no big deal. i am young, they say (28), and lucky for me life will be normal again after treatment. when i told the news to a male waiter friend, he was devestated for me. later he came up to me and confessed his love and support for me...i was flabbergasted and grateful for his open show of support and affection. we have since seen each other often, and we have been intimate twice. although i enjoy the time we spend together i am at the same time depressed about the affair, the betrayal on my part is quite traumatic. my other guy also deals with feelings of conflict because it bothers him that i go home every night to someone else. our relationship has been brief, and it looks like things are coming to an end, and i don't want to let him go. but our lives are heading in completely different directions. also, my fiance is not a stupid man, he is an attorney and incredibly good at reading people. should i tell him? or should i just walk away from this other relationship. i cant think straight anymore. any feedback would be gratly appreciated. thanx!

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Oh boy! im gonna be harsh on this one, i mean maybe the "medical" incident clouded your better judgement, but it still seems to be clouded.

 

At one point you say: "i am at the same time depressed about the affair, the betrayal on my part is quite traumatic" and then you go on to say : "looks like things are coming to an end, and i don't want to let him go. but our lives are heading in completely different directions"

 

it looks like your saying that you dont want to leave your new lover, and that the reason your "Thinking" about it is because you feel your going separate ways, and not because its wrong and makes you feel guilty.

 

As far as im concerned your work companion took advantage of you when you were vulnerable, but you should have broke it off as soon as you gained your senses.

 

Although im all for honesty, in this case i wouldnt tell your Fiance' about the affair, and you shouldnt marry him if you feel your not able to commit to that relationship. I get the feeling that you really dont get the scope of what you did wrong.

 

Dont cause your Fiance; all that pain just so you can feel a little bit better over what you have done, unless of course your looking for a way to break off everything so that you can go back to "mr supportive".

 

you want to be happy, realize first what you did, live to forgive yourself for it, and thank your lucky stars you have such a loving Fiance'.

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I think that you should end the outside relationship and stay with your current man as long as you think that he is the type of person to handle everything well. Spend some time thinking about your self and your future and your feelings. I feel that it is wrong to start up a new relationship without ending the first, however you are in a stressful time and you need all the support that you can get. Is it good to have intercourse with people while you have cancer?

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You're lucky your fiance hasn't found out. I agree with Gilgamesh. Don't tell unless he confronts you with it. Break off your little fling immediately, and get your head screwed back on your shoulders, pointing forward, 180 degrees opposite your little flame. This is a serious issue, but luckily this was a short-lived affair and shouldn't come up to hurt you or anyone else again unless you get shafted in terms of luck later on down the road.

 

(Honestly though, with that out of the way, I'm very glad to hear you're recovering from cancer. That's great news!)

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