Hey... I Felt damn insecure... what should i do???

[SIck-boy]

She Just Broke off from her 1 1/2 boyfriend. Since then I started to get closer to her. before that she also know that i liked her but both of us prefer not to be so close to each other as she was already attached. But ever since she broke off from her bf we are damn close!! we goes out together alone almost everday since da day she broke off with her bf. She then told me that she also had a chush on me when i told her i like her last time but don wan to get closer to me as she wants to her boyfriend... and now she says she likes me and said that i am a nice person. We kissed, hold hands and even had sex together once... The day after i have sex with her, i ask her to be my gf... She says that she is not ready yet for another commitment-releationship as she had just broken off... she wants to enjoy her freedom first... She says "maybe"- "most probably" we will be boyfriend/girlfriends in future.... The also says that now she only likes me but haven Love me yet.. i ask her what the difference of Love and Like to her?? she says Like is like crush and liking 4 another person while Love is the commitment to be with that person and be with him forever and goes all troubles together no matter what... I AM NOW FELT EMOTIONALLY TIRED BUT I MISSED HER SO MUCH!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO??? WILL SHE AND I WILL BE TOGETHER 1 DAY???

[jujigatame]

Sounds like you're going the right way, but there are a few risk factors you have to know of and take steps to avoid. The first and most glaring one is the fact that you could become just an emotional band-aid. Your girl must feel pretty empty after breaking up, and so she came to you for some reassurance. DO NOT move too fast. The fact that you say you were doing something with her every day after her breakup says you may be getting too close for comfort, as does the fact that she asked you to back off for a while (duh!).

 

The second risk factor is the use of the word "love". I'm hugely against bringing this into the picture until a few conditions are met, most notably the absense of any residual feelings for exes and exclusivity for about six to eight months. The word itself can mean very different things to different people, and great care has to be taken when using it not to plant yourself in the middle of a minefield. And don't even THINK about confusing sex with making love. They're very different things.

 

Just take it slow. I guarantee you she'll still be alive three months from now.

[SwingFox]

Hi Sick Boy,

 

Juji brought up some interesting, but valid points. I would like to add to his posting that there's another risk. Especially when you have sex 'this fast', to me it looks like some sort of rebound relationship. There is a possibility that she is not only looking for reassurance, but even for confirmation, as in: "Hey, see? It wasn't me!! I still can get guys to like/love me!"

 

I don't say that what I have written is what she is actually thinking. I am actually speculating. My advice is thereforeeeeeee to take it slow like Juji suggested. Do have fun! Keep taking her out ... but watch your back.

 

Good luck!!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Gilgamesh]

Please take your time sick-boy, Juji and Swing are right on the money, her having sex with you so soon after a break up is not a good sign, give her support in getting over the break up, but dont push the love thing on her.

 

It could take some time before her ex is completely out of her system maybe months, dont rush things, just be a good friend and be yourself.

 

She could be on the rebound, and that will hurt you, on the other hand, over time, she may decide to make you more than just a "Crush". but give her time and some space. Just tell her that you want to be a good friend to her, and that youll be there for her if she needs you. then dont call back for awhile, let some days go by, then you can make another call, ask her how shes feeling, give her confidence, talk about anything but Romance and love stuff. maybe another week and you ask how shes doing at school or dance class or whatever shes into. get the picture? no pressure, no scary love stuff, just a caring friend thats there for her when she needs him.

[SIck-boy]

Your advice is not to meet her for few days and then give her a call after that... i can't possibly do that!!!! i missed her like crazy after not seeing her for two days!!!! what am i suppose to do??? any more good suggestion????