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Great Relationship Ending. Any Advise?


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I am currently going through a break up of an amazing relationship. We connected on many deep levels and have an immense love and understanding for each other. She is divorced and is still nursing some small wounds from the divorce about a year and 1/2 ago. The reason for the break up really came down to timing, (she didn't have the strength to work in the relationship and still has some of these wounds to heal), but I am having a difficult time letting go as the rest of the relationship was so connected, loving, and great. I am ready and she is not. It would almost be easier if there WAS something terribly amiss in the relationship but there isn't. We are still close friends but have limited seeing each other to once every couple of weeks and will probably taper that off soon. Has anyone been through this that can give me some advice on letting go of something that was so great and so dear? I feel that if the small amount of work was done we could really be so fulfilling in our relationship. Is it best to just "let-go" and see where our paths take us? Thank you so much!!

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Hi Caskier,


First and foremost, I commend you for recognizing the need to depart from one another considering the circumstances. I trust your instinct that this relationship CAN be very fulfilling and joyous, but there are certain steps that must be taken in order for this to ever happen... IF it will happen.


1) The two of you need to discuss her emotional scars regarding the divorce. It appears she has unresolved issues stemming from this past relationship, which means that she needs to learn how to cope with or overcome this emotional distress BEFORE ever thinking about sparking another relationship. She will never be able to make you happy until she is happy with herself as a whole first. In order for this to happen, she needs to take time on her own to sort these issues out.


2) After this discussion takes place and it is agreed upon that a separation is for the best (at least for now), then you MUST cut off all communication with her... at least for an adequate amount of time. You nor she will be able to properly function alone until this step is executed. Think about it... how will you be able to move on with your life if you are constantly talking to her and being reminded of "what could have been" or "if only I... " . This is a crucial step that must be followed in order for both of you to determine down the line precisely how much each of you meant to one another. If she misses you dearly, then she will find it within herself to leave her past experiences in the past, and concentrate on her relationship with you.


3) While this period of no communication is taking place, I advise that you remain busy and occupied. In other words, instead of spending your time feeling sorry for yourself and/or her, consume yourself in a hobby, sport, profession, or anything that will get your mind off the issue for a while. Whichever you choose, do something that you enjoy and have fun doing.... but keep it safe.


4) After a period of time passes (only the 2 of you can determine how long), she will know whether or not she is able and willing to move on and put more effort into your relationship. ONLY she can officially determine that, so please do not push the issue with her. If she isn't ready, then you repeat the previous steps and move on with your life. Time WILL heal the wounds, but ONLY if you are in the proper mind set.


I hope my feedback helps, and I wish you all the luck. Keep me posted!

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  • 1 month later...

Four weeks ago I had to walk away from a good relationship. He is just going through his divorce after his wife went off with someone else. I'd known him 14 years as a friend before we got together 8-months ago. Because he had such commitments financially and also has 3 wonderful kids, there was no room for me, he'd end up working all hours when he did not have the kids because he felt he'd lost everything and needed to start again. Yet everything was good, we never argued once, I loved his children and got on well with all his family. But a few months ago he said he could not handle a serious relationship so soon, everything still remained good between us but he slowly began to drive me away, and so many little things began to hurt. I knew in the end I had to walk away, he knew it too. We both cried and I have not seen him since, although we have checked the others ok by phone. Sorry I cant offer you any advise, just letting you know your not alone. I hope every day he'll ring because he wants me back, I resist the temptation to ring him every day because I know it wont help. I plan to just give it a bit off time then I will contact him to see if we cant start afresh. I hope all works out well for you, give her that time and space, you cant go back to what you had but I do believe you can start again when the moment right.

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