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My Boyfriend Doesn't Care What I Have to Say


rubiks28

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My boyfriend and I have only been dating a few months, but he's changed so much just in that short amount of time. When we first started hanging out, he seemed really interested in getting to know me. He told me I was a good person and that he thought I was really cool. We seemed to have so much in common, and I was too happy for words when I realized we had become friends. He came off as a very honest and non materialistic person. He had just broken up with his girlfriend and said he wasn't wasting anymore of his time with someone who took him for granted. I actually knew his girlfriend very well, and I had seen all the cards and gifts he'd made for her. I felt so bad for him, because he was such a great person and tried so hard to make her happy and it just wasn't enough. I thought she was crazy for treating him so badly to be honest.

 

Anyway, about a month after he and his girlfriend had broken up, he finally got me to admit that I had feelings for him, after pressuring me for hours. I didn't want to say anything because I had no idea at all that he felt the same way, at least not until right before I told him. I was so happy when we started dating. I felt like I had finally found someone I could talk to about anything, someone who had a good heart and who truly cared about me. I was also happy for him, because I knew there was never any chance of me taking advantage of him or forgetting how important he was to me. It seemed perfect. He told me how much he loved me and how happy I made him and did sweet things all the time, like surprising me with my favorite candy, and I did the same for him. I really felt that he was proud to have me.

 

After a while though, he began asking me to wait on him for things here and there, like taking something to the kitchen for him or throwing something away, which I didn't mind at all. It got to the point where if I wanted to hear him say he loved me, I would have to say it first. I still write little notes for him and things like that, but he doesn't do anything romantic at all anymore. Actually, the only time he's affectionate is when we have sex, and even then, it's still very minimal. He rushes me if I try to kiss him or lay next to him. It wouldn't be so bad if I got something out of it, but what we do is what he wants and what's good for him. When I get so tired that I feel like I'm literally about to pass out, he tells me to take a break for a little bit. And finally after maybe an hour or longer of this, he's done and leaves the room to get food or smoke a cigarette, and tells me to come on out when I'm dressed.

 

He doesn't do anything for me at all. I can't even feel anything when we do what he wants to, nothing except a cramping feeling in my arms and legs. He also asks me to do things like turn off the Playstation when he's not even a foot away from it and I'm accross the room. I feel so unappreciated and I never in a million years would have expected him of all people to treat me like this. I thought it would be the exact opposite since he had been taken for granted in the past. Now I feel like I'm in the same exact position he was in before. When I try to talk to him about how I feel or how we can make things better, he tends to tune me out. He tries to make me out to be the bad person. Lately he hasn't been coming over that much because he's been working and says he doesn't have gas to drive back and forth from work and come see me too, but I know he does because he just spent over $100 on clothes two days ago. So basically I only see him on weekends, and this weekend I haven't seen him because he says he's sick.

 

I know he's a good person, and I'll never think otherwise. It's just been so long since I've seen that part of him. I think he's gotten so used to me that he feels like he can treat me anyway he wants without worrying that I'm going to leave him. Please help. What should I do? Keep in mind, he's a great person. I know that because I've seen it before. How can I make things better if he won't listen to me? I've tried talking to him a billion times. I remember he told his old girlfriend once, that if they were having problems, they wouldn't just break up or ignore it. They would figure out a way to fix it. Why can't he feel the same way with me? He just doesn't care at all how I feel.

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I'm sorry this has happened to you.

 

Maybe this is the way he is with all his girlfriends once he feels secure. Maybe it's what he thinks is normal, from either parental influences or his other guy friends or whoever... Maybe it only comes out after a while, because he has a different pattern of behaviour in the infatuation/courting phase.

 

Unfortunately there are too many men who have been tought that this is the way you treat your girlfriend. Guys like him would all be eternally single if there weren't an oversupply of women with low self worth who were willing to put up with it. But here the signs are, of what his true character is. So it's up to you to decide whether you are someone who is going to put up with it.

 

I suggest you don't be one of those women. Dump him. I'm sorry that you've been sucked in to liking him, and deceived into thinking he was a good guy, because it must be such an awful surprise, but what choice do you have? You've tried to talk to him about it and he won't co-operate.

 

All you can do is break up with him. Respect yourself. Set boundaries for what kind of treatment you're willing to put up with and don't put up with being ignored or treated like his girl servant. You deserve better, and if you refuse to settle, you will find better. This guy sounds like a dud. I would dump him in a flash.

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welcome to enotalone.

 

my two cents is that these are too many troubles, too soon in a relationship. 3 months should be the honeymoon period, you shouldn't be having so many problems. seems like you two aren't on the same page. i would walk away and move on.

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welcome to enotalone.

 

my two cents is that these are too many troubles, too soon in a relationship. 3 months should be the honeymoon period, you shouldn't be having so many problems. seems like you two aren't on the same page. i would walk away and move on.

 

I agree. You should be wanting to be with each other 24/7, and you both shouldn't care too much about any problems. My ex was causing trouble at 1 months in (ex-bf), and I made the stupid mistake of letting her get away with it. You deserve better than being treated like an object. It may be time to clock out of the relationship.

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If there's one thing I've learned from relationships, you don't make an excuse like "not having gas" to see someone. ESPECIALLY when you love them, you want to see them anytime of the day or night. And you know this to be true.

 

Are you sure he is a good person, because perhaps what you saw with his last relationship was only the good things and not the other stuff that happened behind closed doors. Because a person who was treated the way he was would definitely not do the same to others, Golden Rule applied.

 

If you don't want to leave him, try being out of his life for a couple of weeks or a month, bet he realizes how much he misses you. He could change, but you can't change him. Only God can so what do you decide to do about your life is the thing you can change.

 

In my opinion you deserve better.

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  • 4 weeks later...

This sounds like my last relationship. I kept hoping things would get better and they never did. I kept trying harder, he kept getting more distant. I could go on for pages but here are my 2 suggestions in a nutshell:

1) break it off unless you truly feel there is something worth holding onto

2) stop serving yourself up on a big old platter. you're making yourself too available to him. everything is on his terms and his time and you are way too flexible. pull back a bit and stop doing so many things to please him. he may just need the challenge and the chase to regain interest.

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i was with a man like this.

 

People like this have acquaintances and coworkers that think he is a prince. Women he just meets thinks so too, but the closer in the inner circle you get, the worse he is. Just like they say that there are people who have abused their spouses and no one suspects "because they are such a nice guy".

 

Things settle into a routine sometimes, but this guy doesn't seem to give a crap. My ex convinced me he was a black sheep in an abusive family. He was so lovey dovey towards me in the beginning, but then starting being passive aggressive. He leaked his heart out about his life and all this other stuff. I just longed to be kissed or hugged and like you, got sex that was only satisfying to him. He started correcting me in public in front of people. He would pick up the tab for 12 people but never buy me a birthday card. He even gave a friend a massage. Which I wouldn't have minded, but he would never do it for me.

 

>

 

You can't. If he is anything like my ex, which I am not saying he is, if you say what your thoughts are, he will minimize them and tell you why it is untrue, you are being silly or unreasonable rather than listening and considering what you have to say.

 

I think that if you are feeling this way now, you have to demand respect from him. Tell him no, you are closer, shut the video game off yourself. Do not sleep with him, either. You have to be strong to do it. Maybe the message will get through, but i really think you should leave him as you don't deserve this treatment. I know we are only getting one side, and everything is about communication, but if you are not the type who can very easily speak their mind, it won't change, and even if you can he may not even hear you.

 

To me, and this is a red flag - he talks how taken for granted he was by his exes about how he was so neglected and taken for granted - well he is doing that very thing to you so i wouldn't be surprised if he turned the story around on what happened with his last.

 

Anyway, i think you deserve to be treated better, starting with treating yourself better

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[]iI know he's a good person, and I'll never think otherwise. It's just been so long since I've seen that part of him.

That may be because h

e does NOT currently sound like a good person. sure he may have been in the past but he has been burnt and he sounds like he has not healed.

 

I think he's gotten so used to me that he feels like he can treat me anyway he wants without worrying that I'm going to leave him THATS RIGHT BECAUSE HE CAN>. Please help. What should I do?

I think he's gotten so used to me that he feels like he can treat me anyway he wants without worrying that I'm going to leave him. Please help. What should I do? Keep in mind, he's a great person. I know that because I've seen it before. How can I make things better if he won't listen to me? I've tried talking to him a billion times. I remember he told his old girlfriend once, that if they were having problems, they wouldn't just break up or ignore it. They would figure out a way to fix it. Why can't he feel the same way with me? He just doesn't care at all how I feel.

 

 

 

No I believe he really does not care anymore much at all. he probably feels guilty from time to time though about his demeaning treatment of you, and complete disregard for your feelings..

You are enabling and allowing this behavour and the more you continue the LESS respect HE will show you WHY? because you are failing to respect yourself, you are setting your own standards very low,, personally I question if he is still interested in you...you are not stimulating him, but are rather being a doormat!! STOP this is highly unattractive.... and he is also being very selfish and disrespectful towards you on too many levels to count.. You are responsible in setting your own standards I cant help but feel that you were SO darn grateful and happy that he wanted to date you that you became almost like his puppet, he pulls the strings, you dance.. ..Why do you allow yourself to be treated this way? WHY dont you like and respect yourself enough? Do not allow losing him to be your guiding force..fear....I think he is no longer that interested period in you.he is too spineless to let you know this in a kind way, so he is making excuses for his lack of visits etc.... It almost sounds like he is playing a game, if he treats you bad enough YOU will be the one to end it, saves him the bother....However the opposite has happened, you have become his 'Lacky" his go fetch it for me girl, you have low esteem, he is losing respect for you fast, as he knows his behavour is poor and literally abusive.. and worse you are rising to the occasion, make a stand, show your strengths.. get busy with friends... let this one go. you deserve better. he is not the one for you. dont flog a dead horse...

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I am very sorry for your break up, I hope in time that you will see it was overdue, and that you need some time for yourself now to establish your wants and needs gain your confidence and happiness again..you have a whole lifetime ahead of you..tommorro is a new day..make it your day...

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