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AnotherDude
English Questions and Answers For D...
English Questions and Answers For Daily Conversation - Part 20

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It really turns me off when I meet these kinds of girls. I've got plenty of money, and I always am the first to whip out my wallet, but it's nice when the girl occasionally tells me to go to hell with my wallet, and that it's on her. Shows a certain degree of independence to me.

 

And that she's not after my bank account.

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Going dutch isn't a deal breaker for me.

 

However I've been out with a lot of men who do insist on paying, at least for the first couple of dates or so, and I guess it is nice. It isn't expected for me, but I guess it fills the traditional provider or chivalrous role and so I play into it, and I admit, it can be comforting.

 

In return though, it makes me feel like I want to do something nice like cook dinner or provide in my own way... quid pro quo.

 

There really isn't a rule.

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It really turns me off when I meet these kinds of girls. I've got plenty of money, and I always am the first to whip out my wallet, but it's nice when the girl occasionally tells me to go to hell with my wallet, and that it's on her. Shows a certain degree of independence to me.

 

And that she's not after my bank account.

 

If you are the first to whip out your wallet... how can you then be turned off when the girl doesn't pay? By your own admission, YOU got out your money to pay.

 

In defense of a girl who doesn't jump in with her wallet, I have personally been out with a number of guys who don't feel like you do and actually get offended when I try to pay. It is very hard to gauge and often I will be sitting there trying to read body language. Because of this it seems like half of time I just end up letting a guy pay if he is quick to whip out the wallet, and half of the time I end up offering money.

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Culture, I'd expect.

 

But I really couldn't say.

 

And upbringing, I think.

 

I don't want to get racial, but I have noticed a trend of when I date a certain ethnicity, I'm expected to be the sole provider, etc.

 

Don't know if it's just an on-going coincidence, but I don't think so.

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If you are the first to whip out your wallet... how can you then be turned off when the girl doesn't pay? By your own admission, YOU got out your money to pay.

 

In defense of a girl who doesn't jump in with her wallet, I have personally been out with a number of guys who don't feel like you do and actually get offended when I try to pay. It is very hard to gauge and often I will be sitting there trying to read body language. Because of this it seems like half of time I just end up letting a guy pay if he is quick to whip out the wallet, and half of the time I end up offering money.

 

My other option would be to... stand there, all awkward, for a couple of minutes?

 

What I dislike is the lack of objection.

 

I've dated those who object occasionally, and pay. And I've dated those who pretty much make an expectation of me to pay for everything.

 

With my line of work and amount of money, I admit I'm more paranoid than others that a woman might be after my money rather than me, but the fact that I don't get that 'gold digger' vibe from every girl, but just some, just strengthens the facts I state my basis upon.

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To answer your question: typically society dictates that the man is the breadwinner and is meant to take care of the woman. That translates into the modern day dating scene, where the man is expected to be the one APPROACHING the woman, and thereby offering to pay. It's all a show of animal kingdom bravado...but with money.

 

THANKFULLY, it doesn't HAVE to be like that, and it's left up to the man and the woman each to decide what sort of shows/display of financial affection is appropriate to them.

 

When my boyfriend and I were in our early dating days, he would pay for me, but I would always offer. We ended up forming a routine of "he pays, she tips." But now that we've been together for years, "who pays" depends on who suggests the date night. Otherwise we go dutch, if we're just going out to eat one night.

 

I think in this contemporary world, it's really up to each party to decide what is acceptable.

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I suppose I can contribute a bit to my own thread. I feel that the idea of a man paying for dates has been so deeply engraved into the psyche of the average American that the idea of going dutch or even a woman paying for everything is somewhat abstract. I don't believe its because men make more, I don't believe its because women aren't equal in regard to pay, I believe its just simply a hallmark of the 20th century that has yet to fade.

 

My personal opinion is that while it is still quite gentlemen like to pay for his date, it is also wonderfully refreshing to see a little role reversal. It seems as though most of the "who pays" argument is determined by who asks who out. Well, I think the market is cornered on that one and there isn't much of a choice as to who pays if who asked who out is the governing factor.

 

In a nutshell: Men should pay to be gentlemen. Women should offer to be kind and thoughtful. It is a man's choice whether to accept.

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It's gentlemanly to pay for the girl/woman on the first date, but I doubt there is a guy who pays for everything during a relationship. My girlfriend usually pays her half, and I pay my half when we go out to eat, or if it's cheap enough, she pays. There's plenty of free things to do if you don't want to spend a lot of money going out.

 

We've been dating for about 3 weeks, and the only things I've covered (as in, paying for both of us) have been the first date food/drinks and a couple tickets (2 tickets at $15 each) to a concert we went to a couple weeks ago.

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And upbringing, I think.

 

I don't want to get racial, but I have noticed a trend of when I date a certain ethnicity, I'm expected to be the sole provider, etc.

 

Don't know if it's just an on-going coincidence, but I don't think so.

 

I wouldn't say coincidence. I'll clear this up.

 

 

If I'm in Canada, I don't mind going dutch. It's unromantic, but I'm ok with it. With past bfs, we had a pretty good system, where it's still roughly 50/50, but he'd pay when we go out (I'm weird, but I think it's much sweeter this way) and I pay when we stay in (including take-outs, groceries and I tend to cook too). I prefer things to be 50/50. I don't like "owing" anyone. I'm not sure how much I like this sytem, but ti's been working out.

 

 

If I'm in Asia and a guy suggests going dutch, unless I *really* *really* like the guy, that date is pretty much over. I will wonder what his intentions are, I will wonder if he even likes me at all or is looking at me as a total joke, etc.. It's still pretty patriarchal there. Men often enjoy the benefits of that. Men are often never ever seen in the kitchen - unless it's to eat and when they're done, they just get up and leave. They never help out, wife does everything. There's variations in Asia too, obv it's a big place. but that's the general trend.

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(I just found out I'm not moving to Asia. LOL)

 

I feel almost like I'm on another planet here but I've never not gone dutch. Not only that but have paid 100% many times. It's rare that I ran into a guy whose ego was attached to his wallet so most times guys have been okay with me paying. I don't have super expensive taste but if a guy asks me where I want to go to eat or something and I pick something a bit pricey, I pay 100%.

 

Once in a great while I would have a guy get upset about me paying and feel...smaller. Not the breadwinner? It's been rare, though. And if I ever was low on money, the guys I went on dates with who knew me had no problem paying at all.

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im going to be honest ...judge me if you want, i dont care.

 

i always offer to pay but if i was asked out on a first date by a guy, and the guy let me pay for myself, i would feel pretty offended. after the first date, i really don't care whether or not a guy pays and i take my boyfriend out all the time.

 

it has nothing to do with being a golddigger. it has everything to do with the amount of effort the guy is putting into our first date. if he didn't pay for me, i might feel like he really wasn't that into me because in my experiences, guys who are into me want to impress me.

 

i'm not saying its fair, but its the way society works.

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