trying really hard to be patient to give her space.

[jl301]

Hello everyone,

 

I just have a couple things to say about my problem. I was the one who wrote the topice" Trying to get the love of my life back I and II" I also want to thank everyone who replied to my problem. I am trying to take in everyone's advice about my problem. Bottomline, is that everyone is saying to give her space to think. I recently talk to her and I was really calm when I did though. I told her that I realize a lot of things and that is that by me begging, pleading, and crying to her about her giving us another chance. I told her that I realize those things don't work. I told her that I can't never can be able to convice or guilt into coming back to me. I told her that I realize that everything that I have done before bascially have just push her further away from me and added more pressure to her. I told her that I love her with all my heart and that I will wait not because I think that I won't be able to find someone else, not because I am afraid of facing the true reality of losing her. I know that I lost her already and that I am remind that everyday when I wake up. I told her that I sincerely love her with every ounce of my body. I know that I may sound like sore loser to everyone out there. However, do you know what? I don't care because I love and that I know that deeply in my heart that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She made me feel so special and so at peace with myself. I made the unltimate mistake in a relationship and that is I lied to her. In relationship, "trust" is one the most important thing between lovers.

 

I don't know if I did the right thing, she told me that she has to think about it. I hope I am doing the right thing. It is so hard guys, to hold back your emotions and sorrows not be able to express or tell her that. I know that I have to just keep it within me. Is hard to leave her alone and just give her space. When we do talk, I am not suppose to talk about us. I know all that and I heard so many times. It is just so difficult for me. Can anyone tell me any method to help me. I been reading alot comments and articles on this forum, it had been helpful. Especially the one about "absense can really help relationship" I know that now is that if she ever comes back to me, which I really believe in my heart that she will. She will have to come back by herself and not me or anyone else to influence her decision.

 

I hope everyone can help me on this and it would be much appreciated.

Thank you everyone.

 

I know that everyone in this forum had their sad stories and hopefully we will be able to help each other get through everything that we encounter within our story.

 

Thanks,

jl301

[Huxley1607306450]

Well, I think the key in your situation(I'm going through a similiar situation)is to really determine if what you consider "love" is a need/security fulfillment. Most of the time, people confuse the term "love" to mean a satisfaction of not being alone, that this person attends to and fills personal needs and securities.

 

I went through a similiar situation, grappling with my emotional stability as I watched a seven year relationship break apart(her leaving for another man). I went through the feelings of betrayal, desperation, abandonment, ect. What was ever present throughout all of those conflicting emotions was a realization that at my center, I did indeed love her. But it wasn't a love of need or fullfillment. My love was a love that allowed me to wish her the best in life, and to allow her to find what it is that makes her happy. Basically, to love another person is to be completely selfless, to be able to allow the person you love to find happiness with or without you. With that comes a faith that you too will find happiness as well with or without her.

 

So, I'd ask yourself are you wanting this relationship to fulfill your own personal needs and wants, or are you supporting the one you love to find what it is that makes her happy? I'm of the personal belief that if anyone attempts reconcilliation actively through need fulfillment, it's destined to fail regardless if a couple happens to get back together, it will fall apart again. On the other hand, if one is able to truly love another, they'll support them in their decisions, guide them to what it is they seek to attain happiness. Through that love, you'll find a sense of joy in the fact that it doesn't matter if your together or not, so long as you care and love for that other person, everything will work out.

 

Constant pressure during a breakup is probably the worst course of action. So, if you truly love this woman you'll have no problem accepting seperation after you've dealt with the grieving process. Give her space, don't pressure her into forcing her emotions. Show her compassion, care, and support without concern for reconcilliation. If she does love you as well, in time she'll discover how she feels, and at that point reconcilliation can be discussed.

[cookies]

i think they gave u good advice...but i have a little indifferent feeling about that "absense" part tho. If someone separates themself from me suddenly, and i didnt feel as i did any thing to solicit that...i would miss them, true enough..but eventually that absense turns my thoughts into a need to "move on" ...

 

And as i move along,...this sort of hurt makes me even hungrier for real love...

 

Dont always rely on clichés that ppl may bring up, because just as u give her space, thinking she will miss you and return...she may just take taht as a sign that you´re just not as interested as she may be...

 

i view it differently than most, however...but just make sure that whatever the case may be, you think thoroughly in each action you take in how u go about resolving your differences and take appropriate steps in mending things back together...or just let it be...

 

but absense can lead to "out of site, out of mind"...if one feel the other doesnt care. Its not necesary to go out of ur way to get someone interested, the mutual energy of attraction has got to either exist or it doesnt and in which case...so why stick around?...

 

hum?

 

cookies