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One on One Friendships Vs. Groups


WomanWriter

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Why is it more fulfulling to only hang out with one person instead of a group?

 

Tonight I hung out with my best female friend and it was a lot more meaningful to me than going out together in a group, like we usually do. It's not that we had more "fun" or more deep talks or anything, but I felt more the way I felt when I was in a one-on-one romantic relationship.

 

When I was younger, I used to have best friends who almost satisfied me the same way a boyfriend would (not physically, but emotionally). When I was with them, I didn't feel lonely. I felt kinda dependent on them, but not demanding. More like I felt they were a comfort to me.

 

Yet when I hang out in groups, I feel even more lonely than when I'm by myself.

 

I guess I do know the reason why. When I'm only with one other person, I feel special and I get more attention. When I'm in a group, I'm just generic.

I guess that's why being in a relationship or being in a duo friendship is more satisfying.

 

Is that unhealthy? I just like the feeling of being "someone's favorite" if only for the night. I feel lonely when I don't get someone all to myself whose attention I like.

 

I hope that doesn't make me selfish. I guess it just makes me feel more worthwhile.

 

How do I make more special friendships like that? I wouldn't necessarily feel a need for a relationship if I had more deeper friendships like that. It can be lonely in

the world when you feel invisible most of the time.

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I know how you feel, because I am the same way. It's just in your nature to be really close to a few people whom you've carefully selected. It's not weird, abnormal, or abstract at all. In fact, a lot of deep individuals--both intellectually and emotionally--share those attributes.

 

As for the boyfriend not fufilling your needs emotionally, I would suggest dating someone who you can connect to as a very close friend. You'll be suprised at how well that works

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I am the same way. I like to spend quality one on one time with my friends. Especially someone I haven't seen in awhile. If I see them at a party, I can't get any time with them to really talk. I hate that. I think for me it is more about talking deeply and really connecting. I like to have all my attention on one person and then all her/his attention on me while we are talking. It just feels more real, although sometimes going out in a group if I'm in the mood can be fun because then there are a lot of people to chat with.

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Same here. Sometimes if I'm in a fairly large group of people I'll get slightly paranoid when friends start talking to other people more than me, and I start thinking that they're having more fun with the other person being there than me, and I'll feel a little lonely. Of course this is just paranoia but doesn't stop me feeling that way sometimes.

So no, nothing's wrong with you at all. I'm sure a lot of people feel like that.

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