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What does NWP stand for? I've gathered that NC means "no contact." What about LC? I guess I haven't tried the no contact thing, except a three month stint. But we were so close, it seems secondary to motor skills to talk to him. We still communicate in little ways, like sending links to funny web pages, etc..

 

I'm still torn up about it all and starting to think it's got little to do with him and more to do with my own self-destruction. He often avoids me because it makes him uncomfortable to discuss all this. He knows he broke my heart and feels terrible about it, but would like to keep me as a friend at least.

 

Why do I think these negative thoughts and bring myself to sobbing uncontrollably about him? We were together nearly 5 years. He was that one person we all have, the one we love like no other, that unique spirit in the whole huge universe. We've been apart for 10 months and I'm still in love with him! I came to Spain last week and spent 20 minutes talking to him on the phone in the airport. We both cried. He said "I can't believe it's really over" and I said "What do you mean, it's been over for months now!" We haven't lived in the same town or seen eachother regularly for 10 months! Why did this stoic guy who never cries suddenly cry along with me over our loss? This late in the game? He said in his typical ironic fashion that what will probably happen is that he'll want to get back together one day and that I'd be like "I'm married, lol" and he'd say "Well, I'm miserable, lol." Why does he want this to happen?! Why won't commit to me?!!

 

I met him when he was 20, I was 22. I'm now 27. I guess we both went through lots of changes and he fell out of love. College and post-grad uncertainty are rough times for a relationship. We lived together the final year and I think that destroyed alot of the "in love" feeling. I couldn't stand to live in our college town any longer. I've lived in other places since leaving, thinking I could trust him to continue loving me, like he said he always would, that I could come back when my job in another country was over. Then when I left he said he valued his freedom and didn't want a relationship right now. Then other things trickled slowly out, like how he felt trapped, not "liberated and joyfully in love." He said he could spend the rest of his life with me but doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now. And now he's dating someone but says they're just friends! Bullsh****TTT!!! I'm so jealous. I can't stop comparing myself to her. She's got curly hair and is 6 years younger than me, how could I not be jealous?!

 

Is he trying to keep me around as a back-up plan because he's so young and needs to "sow his wild oats" yet knows no one in the world loves him like I do? He doesn't want to lose me, but can he ever love me like he once did, or is it all buried with the past? Should I give up hope on the one person I love in the world who is still sending me mixed messages of hope? Or save the last shred of my dignity and try to let it go?

 

I was his first serious relationship. I guess you never really stay with your first girlfriend, but this kills me...

 

I know I need to move on, but I don't want to.

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If you don't want to move on you can't force yourself. Do you think he still loves you, and can you talk to him properly, or do you not contact each other much? Maybe he only realises how much he misses you now because he can't get over you, maybe he doesn't want to get over you just like you don't want to get over him. I completely understand that feeling because I don't want to get over my "girlfriend" (split up last night) and I think really if you still feel something for him you should only give up on the relationship when you've done everything to save it.

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Well, a relationship with his isn't viable at this point as we're in different countries, but I'm not sure I could ever trust him again in the future if he destroyed me this bad. Yet I don't want to let go of him or the prospect of spending my life with him, as he's alluded to.

 

I think he still loves me, but I can't properly talk to him, and so we avoid eachother for long periods of time. We'll have a conversation online one day and it'll be fine. We'll talk about games, movies, politics and there's no drama. Then the next day I can't control myself, I'll explode at him and say "What happened? Why did you not want to be with me anymore? Is your new girlfriend better than me, etc?" And he'll say "don't be like this, I don't have a girlfriend, etc." and clam up and we'll ignore eachother again until some time later. He values my friendship more than anything I suppose. It's not the romantic love, but how could it be if we've been apart this long? I'd rock his world if I was there!

 

I haven't done everything to save the relationship, but he won't let me. I'm not moving back to that tiny college town with no job prospects to demand he stop seeing some girl he's seeing. I like to travel, and he won't come with me. That should be my answer right there.

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