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Drop this one?


volpe

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So, I posted about this guy I dated for a couple of weeks. I say in past tense cause I'm debating dropping him.

 

Well, he basically didn't have an opportunity to see me from Wed to Sun (tomorrow) cause he had an exercise class Wed night (wanted to see me after but I told him I had to get up early thurs for clinical), and that he had guest, earliest he could see me was sunday night. I didn't say anything in response, then the next day at 7:30 he texted me and said he decided not to go to the class and would I see him? Then he called me. I didn't pick up or respond and an 1.5 hour later I texted him and said that wouldn't work for me. 1) I had planned my day around not seeing him and had stuff to do, 2) I'm not going to drop everything at the last minute! If the class wasn't that important, I guess he could have dropped it the day before.

 

Then I said, maybe sunday night? and he didn't text back about that. So, then, he texts me this morning and says his guest is leaving later this afternoon and his other guest is arriving monday, so can we hang? I texted him back that I was busy today and had plans tonight but could hang out sunday night? He didn't write me back to confirm (it's been three hours now), so now I'm just like what the heck??!! I have plans to get coffee with a different guy tomorrow anyways in the afternoon, but thought I'd try to fit him in, and I don't even get a response. This is a guy that typically writes me back immediately or within the hour, cause he is glued to his iphone.

 

Sounds like he is playing games. What do I do?

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Did you actually tell him he should have dropped the class earlier if it wasn't that important? If so can imagine he would feel lectured to.

 

It sounds like he's trying to see you earler than Sunday but not doing the best job of it - I would assume you still have plans Sunday though.

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no i didn't say anything about dropping the class! i was just annoyed that he couldn't find a time to see me, but didn't express my annoyance to him (just here). if he knew his guests schedule for the whole weekend, why wouldn't he know already when he could see me and make a suggestion?

 

i can't assume we have plans for sunday if he doesn't confirm them.

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I would see him... he's making an effort to talk to you, give him a chance

 

sending a text message at the last minute is hardly an effort.

 

he knows that i am very busy, and i don't feel that he is respecting me- thinking i can just drop everything when he suddenly has a vacancy in his schedule-- that he knew about before. he is a professor at a top notch university- he knows how to make plans!

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Ask yourself, how important is this guy to you? I can certainly understand you not revolving your itenerary around his. Seems to me, if you were that important to him, he would have broken his plans to begin with instead of getting nervous about you at the last minute, then trying to save himself.

I don't have to tell you it takes two to want to make things happen. And two have to want it enough to make the necessary sacrifices. Tragedy comes when one has more interest or desire than the other. What are your intersts in this?

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what do you mean he got nervous about me and then tried to save himself?

 

i just started dating this guy two weeks ago. i am not invested. i can meet plenty of other people. he seems cool and i'd like to get to know him, but also with respect. i just texted him and asked if it is safe to assume that tomorrow doesn't work for him and that i am just checking. we'll see if he responds or not and what he says about that. he typically replies right away so i just think this behavior is not typical of someone that is really interested.

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It doesn't sound like he's looking for a commitment...

 

i think you are right, which might explain why he is 37, single, and successful. a man of his position would be married if he really wanted to be. he said he has dated "a lot" so...

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It doesn't seem as if you want to see him very much either.

 

why do you say that?? tuesday night i texted him and offered to take him out to dinner wednesday night. i also said that if he were free friday, i would cook for him, but knew he was busy. to which he responded he had to go to the gym and the soonest he could see me was sunday... and then all of this mess followed.

 

i want to see someone that can commit to scheduling a date in advance (i.e. at least the day before!)

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It doesn't seem as if you want to see him very much either.

 

agreed. you seem like you're the one playing games by not responding to him and all of that. for all we know, he's just playing along with the games you started.

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agreed. you seem like you're the one playing games by not responding to him and all of that. for all we know, he's just playing along with the games you started.

 

i am not playing any games. seriously. i wanted to see him wednesday but he could not. so i planned my schedule around not seeing him (i.e. i planned to get homework done that night instead and did other things in the afternoon).

 

i think i've made myself reasonably available to him, but he can't commit to making a date 24 hours in advance.

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i am not playing any games. seriously. i wanted to see him wednesday but he could not. so i planned my schedule around not seeing him (i.e. i planned to get homework done that night instead and did other things in the afternoon).

 

i think i've made myself reasonably available to him, but he can't commit to making a date 24 hours in advance.

 

you are actively not responding to him. you said it yourself. for all we know, he's actively not responding to you b/c you've been doing that to him. pick up the phone when he calls. he's trying to call you. don't play games.

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it's not games- i am merely not making myself 100% easily accessible to him, as he is not for me. i offered to take him out to dinner, and he couldn't make it cause of a gym class and then seriously thought i would be available the next day at a moments notice.

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i think you are right, which might explain why he is 37, single, and successful. a man of his position would be married if he really wanted to be. he said he has dated "a lot" so...

 

LOL! I was 37,single, successful, attractive and had dated a lot -- and wanted to find someone who was a good match for me for a marriage. I could have been married if I really wanted to....settle that is. When my husband and I started dating, he was 38, single, sucessful and had dated his fair share, had LTRs, etc. I didn't feel the need to test him as to why he was single at 38.

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you are actively not responding to him. you said it yourself. for all we know, he's actively not responding to you b/c you've been doing that to him. pick up the phone when he calls. he's trying to call you. don't play games.

 

he called me one time. at 7:30, trying to see me the same night.

 

funny, cause in any other thread people would make the suggestion to not make yourself 100% available. personally, i think he is playing games with me. he never confirmed sunday, and i've asked twice now. not no, not yes.

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LOL! I was 37,single, successful, attractive and had dated a lot -- and wanted to find someone who was a good match for me for a marriage. I could have been married if I really wanted to....settle that is. When my husband and I started dating, he was 38, single, sucessful and had dated his fair share, had LTRs, etc. I didn't feel the need to test him as to why he was single at 38.

 

well, i am biased... cause i think already at 30 yo the guys that are single and my age tend to be guys that have had commitment problems. i know it isn't everyone... but i am pretty wary, to be honest!

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not making yourself available to him for no good reason is a game. i say that in this thread and i'll say it in a thread where people say not to make yourself completely available. if 2 people like each other, they make time for each other. they don't subscribe to games that people say to play.

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not making yourself available to him for no good reason is a game. i say that in this thread and i'll say it in a thread where people say not to make yourself completely available. if 2 people like each other, they make time for each other. they don't subscribe to games that people say to play.

 

it is for good reason. i had to study wednesday night. and tonight i made plans to go dance salsa with a friend! i am NOT going to drop my plans for him!!!

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of course not, but you can at least not reject his calls and not respond.

 

it was one call - and i texted him back later (1.5 hrs later)- i was annoyed that he didn't plan it-- seriously i could be at the gym whatever- he can't expect me to just write back immediately- besides i never have in the past cause i always leave my phone around with the ringer off on accident--- it's true, i don't want to be 150% accessible to him-- cause then guys get the idea they can just walk all over you. it isn't games though- i seriously offered to cook him dinner or take him out---- dunno how that could possibly be games.

 

it may be that he just likes to make last minute plans and i don't.

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