AwdreeHpburn Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 So.....gotta an issue I need people's opinions on. NOT Judgments so much..... My kids are going to a new school this year and I'm embarrassed to say that there they haven't had the exposure to racial or ethnic diversity that they do this year. Luckily tho, they just had a class to talk about sensitivity. Anyway, the issues is this: there's a boy in my second grader's class who seems to be enamored with my daughter. He's so cute to watch. He sees her and runs up to talk to her. He loves telling her what his hobbies are etc. They play together well enough. He likes her, she likes him. He REALLY likes to play with her. Well, today, they were playing and she must have wanted to switch play buddies because she told him she wanted to play with someone else. He asked her why and she said it was because she didn't like the color his skin is. I have NO idea where this would come from other than maybe lack of exposure. I just don't know what to do now!! She apologised at school. We've talked to her and had her write a proper letter of apology. She said she doesn't know why she said that and told us she really likes playing with this kid and thinks he's fun. I just can't imagine how his parents must feel. We send our kids to school HOPING that whilst they're away they'll be cared for and looked after as if at home.... but this is clearly not the case for this child today. What should I do?! Should I seek out the parents, introduce myself as the parent of the monster child? The principal said she did not disclose the name of the offending child to the other parents. Should I leave it and let the school take care of it? I feel absolutely disgusting, embarrassed and am very disappointed. Can anyone tell me what could possibly help in this situation? Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 First and foremost kids just say what's on their mind... they lack filters that come with maturity... Its sort of like when a kid goes up to a person and says "hey where's your legs?"... as a parent you can be mortified but most people realize that young children have a natural curiosity and a honesty to them. Your child simply wanted a chance to play with others and when pressed for a reason... she simply blurted out the first thing that came to mind. She has apologized - and had to write a letter? I think so long as you have had the discussion on why that is inappropriate I think its best to let it blow over. Don't make her to overly self conscious. That's just going to pave the road for avoidance in the future. Let her know that she made a mistake but all people do. Don't we all get a little tired of the spending all our time with just one person? Don't we all need a break sometimes? Teach your child some simple techniques when she needs to break away for a bit from one particular person. If it makes you feel better why not contact the childs parents directly and introduce yourself since the kids enjoy so much playing with each other. Let the convo go from there.... And hang in there... Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 3, 2009 Author Share Posted October 3, 2009 I feel so sad.... But how do you think his parents will respond? I know how I would feel if someone said that to MY child!! Ya know? Not like I can just say, "oh sorry about that. You know kids! Hey, can we have your son over for a play date?" omg.... I feel awful.. Link to comment
unabashed Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I think the above is great advice. You are probably more upset about it than anyone. I would be, also, in your shoes, so I understand. Maybe you can have a talk with the school counselor about what they may suggest. If there was a presentation about sensitivity, then this isn't the first time something has happened. at the schoolThe most important thing is where you go from here. I would probably follow the advice you were given above, and contact the family directly. Maybe have them over or go out with the kids for ice cream. Something to create a new experience that isn't so upsetting for you and your child. Link to comment
doyathink Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 LOL T! Kids say the stupidest crap. You remember. I'm sure you said a thing or two that had your parents crawling under a rock. I would just leave it alone. Seriously. She's apologized, and you've talked to her. I'd let it go, and not make a bigger issue out of it. Whats done is done. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 But how do you think his parents will respond? .. Do the parents even know about what happened? Do the teachers know? Or was this only between your child and her little friend? Sorry about all the questions, but just making sure I understand it correctly. Could you clarify please? You say she wrote a letter of apology to him and I think that's good enough (considering their ages). If this was only between the two of them, and you had a little talk with her then I would leave it be. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 3, 2009 Author Share Posted October 3, 2009 Hey DYT!!!! Good to see you. I just can't stop thinking about how my child made another child feel bad..... my kid hurt another child's feelings!! His parents said they weren't surprised. I AM - Shocked actually, that it was said and APPALLED that MY child is the one who said it. I actually feel sick to my stomach.... Link to comment
doyathink Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I'm sure other kids have said some mean and rude comments to your kids too. Kids are ass's sometimes. What did your kid say when you asked why they said it? Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 3, 2009 Author Share Posted October 3, 2009 Cap - Yes, the parents were notified. They said they weren't surprised. They don't know who said it so they weren't saying they weren't surprised it came from my daughter. They were saying this isn't the first time racial things were said at their son. How sad is that?! Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 3, 2009 Author Share Posted October 3, 2009 DYT - She said it was because she really just doesn't like that color. On anything. I think, and this isn't an excuse... she hasn't really had a lot of exposure sadly... Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Cap - Yes, the parents were notified. They said they weren't surprised. They don't know who said it so they weren't saying they weren't surprised it came from my daughter. They were saying this isn't the first time racial things were said at their son. How sad is that?! Yes, that is rather sad, but at the same time, try to remember "out of the mouths of babes". The kids are still very young and don't understand when they say something offensive. As parents, you can do your best to guide them in the right direction and use this as an example of what not do say, etc. I understand how you feel, it must be hard. Unfortunately I don't know if you should let it go now, or as you suggested, introduce yourself to the parents and apologize. I think the best thing to do is go by what your gut tells you. If you feel you'd like to see the parents, then go ahead with it. Good luck. Link to comment
kalikat Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 As a teacher, I have heard children utter much more devastating comments to their peers. much, much worse! My honest opinion... Let it rest. Like she said - she doesn't really know why she said it. Kids are really good at finding peoples buttons. And they usually don't even realize it. IF she brings it up again, or if there are any comments from anyone else, you can point out the obvious. Some people don't like curly hair, or people who are tall, or whatever. Especially coming from a second grader, they shouldn't give it any more weight than it merits. And it really doesn't merit much. (sounds to me like administration might have more of an issue than your daughter) Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 3, 2009 Author Share Posted October 3, 2009 Thanks everybody. We had a good chat to our daughter and she seems to understand the gravity a bit better than I think she did at the beginning of this. I will, as you have all suggested, let it go and see what happens after. I have a feeling you're right Kalikat, both kids will move past this. They really do get on well and are always have.... so weird that that came out! But...I'm over it...or am getting over it.... Cheers! Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I feel so sad.... But how do you think his parents will respond? I know how I would feel if someone said that to MY child!! Ya know? Not like I can just say, "oh sorry about that. You know kids! Hey, can we have your son over for a play date?" omg.... I feel awful.. I know that feeling.... I've been there but for other reasons. All you can do is be polite and happy and talk positively about how much the kids like playing together. I had a parent act accusingly or tried to tell me how to handle a situation (when they clearly didn't know my kid or understand my childs situation.) At that time I just smile and point out something lovely about their family and move on. Life's to short.... and your world will be filled with lots of other kids and other parents. Its not my job to make them all like me. I feel at this point I have set a good example for my child. Because let's face it - we all don't like EVERYONE but we need to be respectful. Hopefully this childs parents will be very accommodating... truth be told their child might have at some point have done something worse... LOL! My child was 2 1/2 and was at a small indoor public play area and for whatever reason my child ran up to a slightly older girl and decided to bite her. Of course I reprimanded my child and apologized to the parent and she very lovingly said... that's fine... she didn't play all that nice either when she was that age. That was honest. And, as parents most of us have been there and its important to remember that when we find ourselves in those situations. Let's face it as there are those parents out there who would have behaved worse than my toddler over such an event that just routinely happens at that age. Good luck... and remember when raising kids as bad as it seems now they will more than likely prove that they can provide even more embarrassing moments! Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 OMGoodness.... Thanks so much Cats!!! That made me feel sooooo much better!!! Really! Thanks Link to comment
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