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fiishh

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I really don't know what to do, my girlfriend just broke up with me and I didn't react very well, I was a bit pathetic but she was crying as well and she just hung up, wished me a good life and now won't answer my calls. I'm totally heart broken, I don't want to do anything, I don't want to eat or sleep or even breathe without her, I thought we would be together forever and this feels so wrong.

 

I had been not so nice to her too many times, taking my worries out on her (not abusive, just not very nice and using her to increase my self esteem) and she didn't believe that I could always be myself so instead of taking a break she broke up with me. It doesn't feel right, we should be together and I'm totally lost now. I want to go and see her (we live far apart) and talk to her in person, but I'm not sure if that would go down well, what do you think?

 

I'm sorry to complain so much, I'm just a bit heart broken and looking for help as to what to do, so any advice is much appreciated.

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Delete everything bonding you and her. Make a list about things that went wrong, why they did. Make a list about what worked, and why they did. Then make a 3rd list about things you want to change about yourself, things that you want to change because you saw them during your relationship. After you make the list, change yourself. If you want to get back together, then it will be like starting over, but you'll have the advantage of fixing your mistakes.

 

In the meantime, stay with friends, talk to relatives, keep busy (important), and if you feel like it--date.

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Go no contact, for a while at least. This will help to clear your mind and focus on yourself, not her. It will be very hard at first, but you will get used to it.

 

Avail of all the help you can get. In the healing section of this forum, in friends, in family, in hobbies, in self-help books - anything healthy that works for you.

 

Time and NC will heal all, trust me. It's hell right now but you WILL be ok.

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I can emphasize. My girlfriend of 4.5 years and I broke up in July. We had lived together for 3, so I not only lost my girlfriend and my best friend, I lost my home. She has found someone else and it is devestating, but everyday it gets a little better. She had contatced me almost everyday post break-up move out (the six weeks we lived together while no longer a couple was the worst time of my life). It has been a week sine I saw her/contacted her.

 

The pain really does lessen, but will always linger. Look at my other posts to see my story.

 

Good luck, and understand that all pain is temporary.

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We have all been there, believe it or not it will get better and you will find someone else in time. Do everything you can to stop yourself contacting your ex. give yourself time to grieve and begin to heal. get intouch with all your friends. try not to stay at home alone. after a month think of how you want to move on. take up new hobbies and activities. eat healthy, get fit, consider joining a gym to rebuild your confidence.focus on yourself, stay strong. you will have up and down days but stay on the path of recovery. stay as busy as possible so you have less time to miss your ex. it will get better over time

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The thing is I don't want to get over her, she wasn't just one of many, she was the one for me and I can't imagine life without her. The reason she broke up with me is because I let her down too many times when I said I wouldn't be a certain way anymore and she can't believe me when I say it now, she doesn't believe I can be myself and be nice any time soon and I don't know how to make her believe that because I know that I can. I hardly slept and I had various nightmares because of this, I want to send her a letter saying everything I feel because she has her phone switched off but I don't want to seem even more pathetic.

 

Thank you very much for all of your replies, they have been great and really helpful.

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I'm sorry if my posts sounds really pathetic, I'm just completely lost as to what to do and I can't just get over her, I don't want to and that's not what I want to happen, I want to talk to her and to work things out but it's really hard doing that when she lives far from me and she has her phone switched off. I'm worried about my state of mind because I haven't eaten since dinner last night and I'm not doing anything other than being on the computer. I want to spend my life with her and it doesn't make sense to me that it can be over because of something like this.

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fiishh, I'm going through the same thing man. She broke up with me a little over a month ago. She was the love of my life...I was saving for an engagement ring for the past year and the breakup was completely out of the blue. She blamed the breakup on my personality change and my control issues, neither of which were problems that she ever brought up in the past. Anything short of cheating, I was always willing to work through problems and make compromises to have her in my life. Such a shame that she wasn't willing to do the same. It almost makes me feel like her words, actions, engagement, marriage, and children discussions were all false.

 

I tried contacting her, seeing her, sending her letters. It doesn't help man. All it does it put you on the pedestal, driving you further away from her, with her knowing that she can get you back whenever she wants.

 

Go no contact, give her time to miss you. As crappy as it may be to hear, maybe she needs to go out with someone else and realize what she lost in you. I've been hurt thinking of the same thing with my ex. The fact is, the next guy that she meets is going to have to deal with all of the baggage she brings and it's likely not going to work out. Poor bastard. And by that point, maybe you will have moved on, either way, the ball will be in your court and you can decide if it is something you want to pursue again or that you deserve better. Get stronger as an individual right now, make some improvements, and try to spend as much time with friends and family as you can.

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