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Am I just not good enough??


shy2cool

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Okay, I'll open things up with my online dating experiences, or lack of rather.

 

I don't get it. I have never got any positive responses to my profile. After browsing numerous female profiles, I seem to be what most of them are looking for in a guy. I've been burned in the past when I have tried to contact them with a message (no reply), so I have been using "kisses/flirts" to get an indication of interest as it costs money to contact people on this site. One possible reason for no contact could be the fact that I am of Asian appearance and that the other person may assume that I am a foreigner or something despite the fact that I was born and raised in Australia (yep, I'm an Aussie). I would like to know why I am so unappealing??

 

I can provide a link via private message if you want to judge for yourself. I am not hideous, and I am not seeking the best looking females either.

 

I have noticed that the same thing happens in real life. *I* have to make the effort to approach people and initiate conversation. This is doubly as hard because I am so shy and get nervous a lot of the time. I tried some dancing classes a while back on my own, and it was just painful trying to find a partner so I just gave up. It was a real blow to my confidence and self-esteem. It just seems that everywhere I go, everybody around my age is either in a relationship, or not interested, even for friendship.

 

I also never know what to say to people because my life outside of work is pretty boring as I have no friends to go out with. I just tend to hang out on my own listening to music, or playing video games.

 

I've recently been promoted, so I am very busy with work, and am also studying the CPA at the moment. I can truly say that I don't have a lot of time to meet new people.

 

I hate the feeling of being left out. For example, my workmate received an email from one of our former work colleagues, but I didn't and I felt kinda rejected. Maybe I am just too sensitive?

 

I really want to start dating again as I'm feeling rather lonely and unwanted. This is very frustrating as simple things like having friends and going on dates shouldn't seem so impossible.

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If you want to attract the opposite sex, you need to take more active measures ie. learn PUA (pick up arts). This stuff is not just for players, I used it and I don't play anyone. It helped me find the true love of my life and now helps us find other girls to sleep with. Essentially PUA is male self help without the watered down politically correct feminist spin put on it. This is necessary as feminism has had the effect of essentially castrating many men, but hey, only the strong survive.

 

If you want links PM me and I'll recommend you some sources. But this is going to take a lot of work and some time.

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If you want more success with online dating websites here are a few things to consider...

First what site are you using? all online dating sites are not created equal, some are much more serious than others, some are just people messing around maybe looking for casual dates but nothing serious, others are people just looking to get laid (usually with a 100:1 male to female ratio!), and then there are one that are more serious people looking for relationships. Depending on what you are looking for you may want to re-evaluate your dating site choice. Unfortunatley I don't know what sites are available in Australia, eharmony is a good choice if they have it out there. Second, how is your profile photo? It should be a good pic of you wearing something reasonably nice that shows you having a good time, NOT just a crappy webcam shot, also it never hurts to have more than one photo on there. Third, what info is in your profile, maybe go back and see exactly what you wrote and see if it is best representing you, add or delete things as necessary. And last you will never get anywhere using only the free services the site offers (if it is a pay site), they are just to get you interested in using the site and are not actually intended to be relied upon, if you want any hope of getting results you are going to have to plunk down some money. Hope these tips help. best of luck.

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The one about work colleagues is really annoying! I've been very fortunate to have a work colleague/friend relay some of this stuff for me. It isn't the best way to hear about it (makes me feel uninvited) and sometimes very late notice (but luckily I'm very flexible with my time) but at least I eventually rocked up to it. Mind you doesn't do much for the actual "Finding Love" part because it's always a get together with the old work friends, but I don't have a problem with that too much since it's point of catching up. Keeps me out of the house just a little longer which always helps.

 

I haven't done online dating yet but I think know what site you're talking about. Never done OLD I won't say anything advice wise, but have you at least had any interest you way? (not something to "expect" I know being a guys but still)

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OLD - No interest at all. People at work seem to think that I am a 'good guy', yet I don't know. The site is RSVP by the way. This one seems to have the most 'genuine' people on it.

 

There's a girl at the coffee shop that I frequent who I find to be attractive. She's friendly and always smiling. Maybe I should start with some small talk with her??

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There's a girl at the coffee shop that I frequent who I find to be attractive. She's friendly and always smiling. Maybe I should start with some small talk with her??

 

You should try regardless of who she is. In times of real loneliness like this anyone who's willing to talk to you helps keeps the brain afloat (imo). I'm quietly happy when it's not me opening my mouth first when trying to talk (girl or guy) because every other time it feels like me-against-the-world, the only person who'll say "Hi" first.

 

Though the way you've posted it makes it kinda sound like last-ditch, clutching at straws thinking. I've had that a lot too. Makes me think I'm Homer Simpson thinking of the lighthouse keeper, "the loneliest man in the world".

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I seem to be what most of them are looking for in a guy

 

This, ironically, might be the problem.

 

In OLD you really need to stand out. You don't want to be that generic guy who has "good", generic things offer.

 

You need to be wholly yourself there, but the most interesting self you can be. That way, many will reject you, but you can be content knowing that those aren't the right ones for you. The people who you do appeal to, will be better matches.

 

Does your profile describe your tastes and interest in detail? Is it entertaining? Portray you realistically? etc etc

 

You mention not having too many interests or things to talk about? Cultivating a passion may help.

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I have a passion for geeky things - computers, high fidelity audio, technology etc... I also work as an accountant, so I guess I am doubly geeky.

 

I also enjoy doing weights, but I am not as passionate about this. I'd like to take up some dancing classes, but I lack a partner to do so.

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Ok you need to stand out especially on dance sites. What does your profile pic look like? send it to me over pm and i'll take a look.

 

Someone said above that what they are looking for is what you offer. This is a big mistake. Generally all women on online dating sites say the same thing. Looking for a good guy to be my best friend! They want the guy to be outgoing! love camping! love hiking! love to go out and party but can sometimes stay in at night and cuddle and watch a movie!

 

I guarantee that the ^^ is on 90% of all of their profiles somewhere. All in all it comes down to your pictures 80-90% of the time. Sadly it's just what it is. No matter what you say in the email. I'm not sure about the dating sites there that you have to pay to contact them? Winks/flirts tend to come accross as weak and coward like. women don't like this for the most part.

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OP, Online Dating is a looks game. If you have a crappy profile pic, or you're not photogenic, women will pass you over for the hot stud that has the badly written profile. If you're good looking and your pic reflects that, it doesn't matter what you say in your profile - you'll get women messaging you.

 

I wouldn't take it personally. Just try to put up the best pics that reflect your interests (no bathroom pics, webcam pics, or camera phone pics!), with you wearing the best clothes you can and looking the best you can (no jeans, a baseball hat pulled backwards, and a t shirt.) The women who see a well, put together guy will contact you. The other women who are just seeking a muscle man to have sex with will pass you over (but you probably wouldn't get along with her, anyways.)

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You, quite like myself, need to get up and get away from that online computer love and step out into the world. And if you're a gentleman like me, there's so much opportunity out here for people like us. Women are in a recession as far as good men are concerned and not every single one of them want to date jerks. So that just makes our chances even greater! But we gotta stop being so concerned about what they think and just do it.

 

Like Nike.

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