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Ever wonder why you let things get you down?


Celadon

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Ever wonder why you let things get you down? Or do you wonder how to NOT let things get you down?

 

I was on the phone with a friend, telling her how I felt lonely, unsupported at work, etc. And as I was talking with her, I wondered why I let things get to me. And I sort of felt like I'm kind of two people: The person who has everything going for her and *should* be very happy every day, and the person who is easily influenced by other people's moods and problems.

 

Why is it that I'm more often the latter person than the former? It doesn't make sense because I've got a job, a place to live, food on the table, no major health issues. I'm reasonably smart, creative, kind, thankful. How can I make sure that I act like the happy person and not like the unhappy one?

 

Part of the question is this: How can I relate to people without "taking on" their moods and problems? (I've always been easily and deeply affected by people.) Maybe this should be the topic for another thread, but what do you do, step by step, when you encounter someone who is being angry or frustrated? For example, when a co-worker yells at you, or your friend complains and complains. How do you keep yourself separate from that and not get sucked into being bothered?

 

Anyway, thanks for listening!

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I am also like this and I don't know if the way I handle it is necessarily the right way but so far it is working for me. It may sound simple on paper, but I basically disassociate myself from people that drags me down.

 

I really notice a stark difference between people that brings the best of me, and people that drags me down to the worsts of me. And sometimes, it's a friend that drags you down, and it's an acquaintance you rarely meet that makes you feel good. After hanging out with different mix of people, I realized who is who and filtering the good and the bad has slowly improved my overall mood.

 

It sucks cuz some of them are close friends and realize that despite being a good friend, their problems or something in their bad side of the personality really bothers me to no end. I believed I was a tolerant person, but realized that it's been eating me up every time and I was fooling myself to get along with them because they are my friends.

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Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone, you guys. That in itself helps me feel better!

 

Kinetics, I heard a couple of interesting things about friendships, one on the radio, one from a former co-worker. They both said similar things: One, friends aren't the people you like the best; they're the ones who got there first. Two, most people have some friends they don't necessarily like, but they stay with them anyway.

 

It's like you said -- sometimes your closest friends will drag you down, but a complete stranger will lift you up. I definitely experienced that. I guess I've come to realize that everyone, including me, will have bad days or even bad seasons. It's up to me to decide whether I can hang with them or if it's too much.

 

Regarding my OP, I've realized that my mind tends to get distracted and think about other people instead of thinking about myself. I guess it's a leftover co-dependent habit, but it really drags me down. I'm trying to recognize when I'm thinking about other people (like today I was wondering why a certain co-worker was goofing off) and to STOP doing that. Then I can re-direct my thoughts to what I'm doing, what I hope for, what I enjoy. I think I'll get dragged down less if I do this ... We'll see...

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