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Reconciled only to be hurled into a dangerous situation Please give advise!!!!


butrflyblue

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Hi Everyone,

 

I sure would appreciate any advise you might have. Last week my boyfriend and I reconciled after breaking up. We did this on sunday. We spent the whole evening together and really seemed to come to a meeting of the minds and hearts. We agreed to get together tuesday for dinner. Monday he called me and said that an unknown caller had called him and threatened him and said he knew where he lived and acused him of being involved with his girlfriend. He said he did not know the man and asked if I recognized the number. I did not and told him I would consult a police friend of mine about what to do. Tuesday he text me because I was at work and said he did not want me to come to his house as the man had called back and threatened him again. He said for your safety I want you to remain at home. Yesterday I called and asked him if he had reported this to the police and he said he had. I asked if he wanted to meet at a restarant for dinner and he said he had alot of things to do and that he had alot of things on his mind. He said how about if we get together sunday? He seemed kind of distant so I asked him about it and he just said the situation with the caller had really upset him. He said he wanted to see me sunday but that he had alot of things to do over the weekend and in short he would appreciate it if I did not call him until sunday. This really hurt me but I decided to just allow him the time he asked. I am worried that he is not telling me everything about this caller. Then after telling me not to call him til sunday he called me after I went to bed and got angry because he left a voicemail saying that I never pick up my phone. I tried to call him at lunch and for the first time ever his phone was completely turned off. I am really worried. I don't know what to do. Part of me wonders what he is not telling me and part of me is worried about him after all the threats on the phone. What should I do? I thought about going to his house after work tomorrow if I don't hear from him but then I don't want to upset him if he just turned his phone off. The reason we broke up in the first place is because he was being very distant and I felt strongly that he was seeing someone else. Although he says this was not the case. Please any advise you could give me would be greatly appreciated.

 

butrfly

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Did you check the number he gave you with your police friend?

 

I hope I am not out of place with this, but my first suspicion was that he made up the story to see if you would turn around and admit you had been seeing someone.

 

I have, at various stages of my life, however, entirely watched too much tv.

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I'm sorry but something smells fishy here.

 

My first thought with this was that its come too close on the heels of your reconciliation and he's having second thoughts (absurd thoughts at that).

 

Did you check out the number? Call it? See who it belongs to?

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Did you check the number he gave you with your police friend?

 

I hope I am not out of place with this, but my first suspicion was that he made up the story to see if you would turn around and admit you had been seeing someone.

 

I have, at various stages of my life, however, entirely watched too much tv.

 

I talked to my friend and he said to urge him to file a police report. So I did. I called the number and a guy answered but told me it was a woman's phone and he was just answering for her for the moment.

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Highly odd behaviour especially right after reconciliation. I am with Hobb, sounds like some sort of perverted mind game / test, at least that was the first thing that popped into my mind. Might be a whole alot of nothing. Cheers, hope everything will work out for you.

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Well. Huh? I mean...did you ask the guy if he had called your bf's phone?

First of all...If I were going to call and threaten someone, I would PROBABLY block my number. I dunno...maybe I'm just weird like that. But I wouldn't want them to have MY number unless of course they already knew me.

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Ok...there is a sorta pattern when it comes to lying. Its a game of who is two steps ahead of the other person. This is how it goes:

 

One person intends to tell a lie. The other person thinks they can figure it out. The person lying, anticipates this, and tries to make the lie as realistic as possible, to make it sound like the truth...This is how it happens most of the time, right?

 

Now in the advanced stage, the person being lied to figures out that the stuff they hear is likely to be a lie, if it sounds too realistic or truthful. Cuz that shows the extra effort the liar has taken to make the lie look like the truth. Now this is where it gets really tricky. Up until this part, the person being lied to is two steps ahead of the liar since they think they are in a position to figure out the lie. However, at this point, the liar zooms two steps ahead with a simple psychological twist. This is how that goes:

 

The liar figures out, that if they keep trying to package a lie in something that looks like the truth...the other person is going to figure them out. So they do the exact opposite. They tell a lie, that is very unlikely to be the truth. They tell a completely unbelievable and 'stranger than fiction' lie. What the liar is thinking, is that the person being lied to will think, "Well, if this guy was lying, I am sure he would have come up with something that might look regular and believable. Why will he make up something so odd and rare, if he wanted to lie. So, since he is saying something this weird happened, it really must have happened."

 

So the game now starts playing in the opposite direction. The more lie-like the lie, the more it likely it is to be bought as the truth. Or so the liar believes.

 

I think there is a chance that something similar is happening with the OP. Her bf made up a really whacky story hoping that the OP will feel, "If he just wanted to avoid me, he could have come up with a million better stories. So there really must be a caller involved." Now why the guy is doing this, I have no idea. But thats what it looks like from where I am...of course, stranger things have happened for real. So you never know. But I guess, the OP knows the guy and the kinda personality he has. So she should be in a better position to call his bluff, if it is one. On the other hand, if it is the truth, she needs to focus on how messed up his life must be with all this, and try to support him through it.

 

Tough Call.

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Hmm. I suppose this could be a concocted ruse of some sort, but the obvious question to me seems to be... what was he doing / who was he seeing while broken up? Angry boyfriends who have been cheated on seem to be in abundance out there, you know?

 

Sometimes the shortest distance between two points really is a straight line...

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I think all of the speculation is a waste. The OP should know the truth within the next week. None of us really know if the guy is telling some fabricated Hollywood story or if he is being honest. I think it is just best to go forward with open eyes.

 

My personal take on it is that the guy may have started seeing a different girl while you were broken up and that the caller was dating that girl. Now your ex has to try to resolve the situation, so is trying stay clear of you for the next week while he works things out with the other girl and guy. Again though, that's all speculation.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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