Compromising on dates ~ no more!

[notsogood]

Anyone else feel like they passively compromised on dates and then later looked back on it and was like why did I say that? For example the person you're on a date with says they love a certain type of food. You for SOME reason just say oh I love that food too! Even though you hate it.

 

Ive looked back on dates and I do this a LOT. I think it's because I want to like the girl so much, she's attractive but i'm compromising and faking who I am. Ugh I hate how I do this! Then you date for 3-4 months and she finds out it's not real and it ends. So you waste 3-4 months of your life.

 

It's not purposefully lying it's just unintentional and about stupid stuff but a lot of it. Not just one thing.

[waveseer]

It comes from the fear that the other person will not like your differences and dump you. Ironically, it causes them to dump you.

[MoTay]

Yep. I wouldn't call it "compromising". I'd call it a lack of confidence...the idea that you are not "worthy" as you are and so you have to mold yourself into being something else...something you believe the other person will want.

 

And Waveseer is exactly right: It doesn't work. Just be yourself.

[annie24]

you know, it's ok to say you don't like that food or that movie. you can tease her like, 'oh, you're one of THOSE people. my mom warned me about girls like you....'

[_Asti_]

Don't compromise who you are.

If you want them to get to know who you are, be yourself.

 

Really compromise.

Say something like "Oh, I haven't tried that in a while, I wasn't a fan, but I'd give it a shot again..." play it up. Let her suggest something good from the menu, etc.

 

Then compromise, and then the next date do something you enjoy.

[Celestialagape54]

Don't compromise who you are.

If you want them to get to know who you are, be yourself.

 

Really compromise.

Say something like "Oh, I haven't tried that in a while, I wasn't a fan, but I'd give it a shot again..." play it up. Let her suggest something good from the menu, etc.

 

Then compromise, and then the next date do something you enjoy.

 

Agreed..personally if I don't like something I will let the person know. However I am very open minded and I am willing to at least try something once.

[StrawberryYogurt]

Anyone else feel like they passively compromised on dates and then later looked back on it and was like why did I say that? For example the person you're on a date with says they love a certain type of food. You for SOME reason just say oh I love that food too! Even though you hate it.

 

No, but I've had girls pretend to like things I liked. Not good. Be yourself, speak up if you don't like something.

[jennamajig]

I used to do it on the first date when I first started dating. I was very insecure and wanted to be liked. Now I speak up because I'm pretty awesome on my own

 

For example, I hate beer. I will try a new beer now and then to see if it changes my mind, but it hasn't yet. If the guy orders a beer on the date, I order a glass of wine. And my limit is 2, no matter how much he drinks.

[mfan]

The hardest part is saying you dislike something without sounding like "a negative person". I think that's people's big fear here, not the fear that the other person will think your tastes are weird/strange.

 

Also, if someone asks if you like chocolate covered cockroaches with caterpillar juice and you say no, you risk shutting down the conversation and the other person might not know what else to ask you.

 

The trick is to somehow say you dislike something, while keeping the conversation going and still sounding positive. I call this the "swing technique" because you use the other person's momentum to "swing" from one topic to another. I suck at this, but I'm getting better.

 

For example,

DATE: "Ooh, they have chocolate covered caterpillars on the menu, with extra hair! Do you like those? Please say you do!!!!!"

 

YOU: Sorry, I really don't like them. My friend in college used to eat them but I can't look at them. But I do love to eat hamburgers, and pizza, and french fries. Do you like fast food?

 

See, you gave your date some new stuff to talk about in compensation for ending his topic (e.g. your friend; college; and another kind of food), so hopefully you won't seem too negative or boring.

[notsogood]

Haha good stuff here. You're right it's sort of an insecurity thing which is weird because I have lots of confidence but it's weird.

 

I'll stop doing this. I think if I think about it I can stop doing this. It annoys the hell out of me.