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Pedestal or Near Perfection?


Orlander
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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One of the difficult things I deal with is the belief I will never find someone who was as nice, polite, sincere, happy, intelligent, beautiful etc as my ex. True, I had similar feelings about my ex before my most recent one though.

 

It's been 4 years since my breakup and i haven't met anyone that i connect with like i did my ex nor have i met anyone who has even half the qualities she possessed.

 

This is really keeping me from moving forward. At my age, 37, its very tough to meet single women. Keeping faith has been difficult.

 

No one is perfect but my ex was so caring and kind, loving, sensual, beautiful, honest, faithful, smart and happy to be with me and her faults were very few and minor. She tried hard to make the relationship work. The best thing about her is that I made her laugh and I know the breakup was very difficult for the both of us. We very very rarely ever fought and were always very loving and kind to each other.

 

The end of the relationship came about because i took the relationship for granted and also her newly founded and strong religious beliefs which differed quite a bit from my own.

 

My question is who has had relationships that were caring, loving, honest and happy but something broke in the relationship or circumstances ended it?

 

How did you go on to find someone else?

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only time can tell, really..

 

i had a seemingly perfect ex and i never thought i would get over him or find someone of the same level, if y'know what i mean. he's good looking, rich, has a fine job, a good personality, everything a girl could wish for. more importantly, i loved him so much. it took me almost a year and a half before i kinda moved on.

 

i never thought i would find someone who could make me happy again. i am not sure yet if i'm already in love with this guy i'm currently dating, but i'm sure that when i'm with him, i feel truly happy and special. i'd say just go with the flow and never keep yourself from meeting someone new, even though initially you don't find them fitting to your "standards". life's full of surprises. we can really never tell.

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Orlander, I'm sorry you are having a hard time finding someone that lives up to the ex. I know you THINK she was near perfect but actually it is probably more that you have put her on the pedestal. I remember when I broke up with my boyfriend before my current ex. I thought I would never find that kind of chemistry again. I went out on a lot of bad dates. Then I found my ex. He was totally different than my boyfriend before him. At first I wasn't sure I was interested but I liked talking to him and eventually I realized that he was terrific and much better than the one before.

 

So you need to go out on a lot of bad dates in order to find her. You will though if you keep trying. Have you tried internet dating? If you are having a hard time finding dates, that is a good place to look. There is no stigma anymore. Everyone does it.

 

Also, you need to give the women who are a "maybe" a second chance. Date them a few times before you make up your mind. The person you end up with may be nothing like your ex so you need to be open to different kinds of people. When I did that, I found someone better than the person I thought I could never replace.

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thank you, everyone. Bella, it's nice to hear from you again.

 

I've been on the dating scene for about 3 years now. I took some time off right after the final breakup to heal myself. I've been on more dates over the past three years then in my entire life combined. I have even had two as recently as in the past week.

 

They usually don't go beyond the first date. When I met my ex we clicked. I knew right away I wanted to date her and she what was there. The women (most of whom I have met through online dating) i've met are not my type or have serious flaws or aren't the kind of person I guess i just connect with like with previous girlfriends.

 

It may be mostly in my mind but i'm just having a really tough time, especially in this city. I'm 37, look and feel about 25, am fit/athletic and attractive, have no children, make very good money, have the world to offer someone and i can't find anyone i feel is worthy to date.

 

I'm finished with online dating. I'm trying to arrange things so i can move back to Orlando or somewhere else.

 

I'll admit that i havent been very outgoing lately and have actually avoided opportunities to meet new people and generally be social (other than hanging out with the guys i know or going to the gym).

 

Other than "winking" or emailing women on link removed i havent approached and hit on a woman in months and months.

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Have you considered the fact that you aren't being fair to the rest of the women in your target demographic? Maybe most of them can't measure up to your ex, but some definitely can and you are shortchanging yourself by not pursuing them. I respectfully disagree that there is no woman out there better for you than your ex. Any passable, responsible, and interested woman is better for you.

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Hey Orlander I know exactly what you mean. My girlfriend broke up with 2.5 months ago and she was the absolute perfect one for me. I am 33 and have been in several relationships during my life and non of the other women even compared to my most recent ex. She had every quality I desire in a partner. To top it all off the reason why the relationship ended was entirely my fault. Not only do I have to live without her but with the regret that I have with myself. I just know that if/when I am ready to date again it is going to very difficult. It is going to be very hard for me to find someone else that can top her. Infact I highly doubt it will ever happen. I am preparing myself to live the rest of my life without someone. I know that this is a fairly recent development comapred to your situation, however, I know what I love and I found what I love and I lost what I love.

 

If you move back to the O hit me up I'll buy you a drink.

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Hi waveseer. I dont see it as not measuring up. I see it as these women just being plain crazy or not in a place themselves to date. I have to admit i was in a better place myself when i met my ex and she possessed a lot of the traits I am looking for.

 

Ultimately, i am just looking for someone with a good heart whom i can share an attraction with. Someone honest, caring, enjoys my sense of humor, etc. If I have that much to offer why is it so difficult to desire the same in return?

 

and exactly how do you move on from someone who looked you in the eye once, when she was in love with you and said "I want to know everything about you". Why can't i find that again?

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Blue Shark, i'm working on making it easier to buy a house in Orlando and move back. If I can't find love again at least i can live in the same city where all the memories were from when I was happy last.

 

As it is i'll be in Orlando in late november or december. We can get together and talk each other out believing we wont find the perfect women for us.

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Hi waveseer. I dont see it as not measuring up. I see it as these women just being plain crazy or not in a place themselves to date. I have to admit i was in a better place myself when i met my ex and she possessed a lot of the traits I am looking for.

 

Ultimately, i am just looking for someone with a good heart whom i can share an attraction with. Someone honest, caring, enjoys my sense of humor, etc. If I have that much to offer why is it so difficult to desire the same in return?

 

and exactly how do you move on from someone who looked you in the eye once, when she was in love with you and said "I want to know everything about you". Why can't i find that again?

 

Ironically, I said that to a man once and it still wasn't enough to make me the right woman in his eyes.

 

I think it was really significant that you recognize the difference in yourself and where you are at. I spent so much time 'broken' and pining when nothing was going to change for me very much until I made a conscious effort to stop pining and fix my 'brokenness'.

 

The qualities you are looking for are very healthy. In a sense they give you something to shoot for for your own personal goals.

 

If I am honest, caring, and light-hearted it probably means I am well and truly over my ex, no?

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Yes, there are a lot of crazy people out there. Like I said you have to go out on a lot of BAD dates, in order to find someone that you might be interested in, I said MIGHT. If you give up on Date #208, how do you know that #209 wasn't the next love of your life? I understand being tired of dating. Trust me, I KNOW! I hate first dates. I hate blind dates. I can usually tell in the first ten minutes if I'm interested or not, and then out of politeness I stay for another two boring hours. So yes, I'm aware that the process of finding the one is a tedious and unappealing one to be sure. If you are burned out by dating, take some time off and focus on moving back to FLA. If you're going to move, there's no point in meeting someone in Vegas.

 

Yeah you're frustrated by dating but the problem is that we humans crave love so at some point you will have to get back out there. Me too and I'm not exactly looking forward to it!

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