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Divorcing. Okay to practice flirting?


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I'm separated but not yet divorced. Combining this long-term relationship and marriage, I've been out of the dating scene since I was a junior in high school. Okay, I was never really _in_ the dating scene in high school - as this was my only "real" relationship.

 

I was awful with women in high school. I was a nerd; I had no game. I was afraid to flirt. I didn't know how to express interest in the girls I was attracted to. The fact that I got one girlfriend - who I later went on to marry - was practically by accident and not by skill.

 

So here I am, facing single-hood again. I have anxieties about dating again because I still don't feel comfortable flirting - I still have no "game". But I must eventually break through this if I ever want to be successful in this area of my life.

 

I know that practice makes perfect, but I feel guilty for thinking about "practising" while still married. I don't want to lead a girl on just to tell her I'm in the middle of a divorce and not in a position to be more than friends. But at the same time I recognise that I *really* need to improve this part of my personality and that it will probably take a LONG time to master how to confidently approach women and convey interest through words, eye contact, body language, etc.

 

Just to be clear, I'm not doing this because I'm looking for a rebound relationship, nor am I looking for a "distraction". I just want to feel more confident by better knowing how to attract the kind of women that I find attractive.

 

So my question is this: Is it "okay" that I start improving my flirtiness before I'm divorced? Should I feel guilty for it? Should I wait until things are final before tackling this problem - even if it means prolonging what will probably be a LONG process?

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Yes it is. Hi there. How're you doing

 

Seriously now, best if you actually "hone your skills" on someone you actually are interested in -that way you're not messing with anyone's head. Maybe once you are actually ready to date again you can just take it slow and go with what's comfortable.

 

I just don't really believe women really care about "game" and flirting technique. If they like you, they just... like you

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I agree, I dont think that your technique matters. Most of the time it comes off as not natural.

 

I do think she should just be yourself and the right girl will like you for you.

 

I personally dont think it is wrong to flirt etc when going thorugh a divorce, but that is just me. I know a lot of others think it is wrong to even think about dating another until the papers are signed and the divorce is final.

 

don't be hard on yourself. Just because you haven't had a ton of experience and have been out of the game for awhile doesnt mean someone wont like you, and they wont even know, just be yourself.

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I agree, it's OK to flirt. It's even OK to take it further and have a casual relationship with someone. If it weren't for the guy I was seeing during my separation, I don't know that I would have rebuilt any confidence in myself. He was a handsome doctor! And he was perfect for me at the time.

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That's true.

 

But the idea is that Mr. Romeo doesn't turn into Mr. Shy or Mr. Timid and lose all self-confidence (which is what most women says is what they consider most attractive) and self-talk himself out of making a move and introducing himself.

 

You see, I know that without work I'll continue to be the guy who always got friend-zoned in high school... the "nice guy". I need to work on becoming the person who can *attract* the women that I find attractive - and not come off as just-another-nice-guy.

 

For reference:

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