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Im from New Zealand therefore inrelation to legal matters 16 is legal to have sex, where as 18 is legal to buy alcohol & go clubbing. So I'm 16 and I'm really into guys in their early 20s and this is something I can't seem to control. Currently, I like a guy who is 22 (I know him through soccer), he doesn't know I am attracted to him. His brother is in my year at school and in many of my classes. I've just started confiding in this 22 year old, and I really enjoy talking to him. I'm an only child and I have recently been diagnosed with depression in relation to anxiety, I'm often alone and my father has never been a big part of my life. I only ever have attractions to older guys as the ones my age seem very immature. Most of my friends are older, I play soccer in a womens grade div1/prem therefore my social circle is around 18-24, where as with school I am put up a form and socialise with people around the age 17/18 again falling as the youngest. I'm not sure how this guy is feeling nor whether I should confront him about it. He's just fallen out of a three year relationship and is probably quite experienced. I'd much rather wait a few years and see where that takes me, but it's easier said then done, I have an urge to tell him, even though I know it's likely I will regret it. Three days or so after he turns 23 I will be 17. We are pretty much exactly six years apart. Too many?

Urgent advice, please!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Ever since I turned 21, I wouldn't date a girl that is younger than 21. All of my friends would want to go out to places where my girl friend couldn't go. It would put me in a bad spot where I either ditch the GF or my friends.

 

I would just go have fun and enjoy life. relationships complicate things. I wish I could be 16 all over again.

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When I was 16 I started dating my boyfriend (now ex) and he was 21. We lasted a year and half but trust when when I say it is VERY hard to maintain a relationship like this. There are so many simple things you cant do because of your age. I assume you're still living at home since your still in highschool, so chances are you parents will have some say in things you can/cannot do (ie curfews!). There is nothing that will make you feel more childish then having to tell your boyfriend, "Hey im really sorry but can we go, I have to be home before 11" especially when you're trying to prove to him that you are mature and "adult" enough to handle a relationship. Remember, this guy is an adult! He is not going to want to date a child. Give it a few years and if you still like him/he's single then give it a shot. It will be MUCH easier when you're at similar points in your life (living on your own, in college, etc) even if he is a few years older.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think it would be wise to hold off a few years like you mentioned. 16 and 22 seems like a big gap now (and it is, especially life-experience wise), but 23 and 29 or even 30 and 36 doesn't seem as far apart (mathematically yes, but again, life-experience wise). in a few years time you may feel differently about him and not have these feelings anymore, but if you still do and he's single, then you could try for it if you still want to.

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I hate to say this but this doesn't sound like a good idea. Like you, I'm 16 and I have once had a relationship with a 23 year old. It didn't work out because the age difference was so big that we didn't dare tell our parents and we both buckled under the pressure. My advice is, if you two are really interested and want to fight, be prepared for a few jibes here and there. But if you're going to do it in secret or you find this is all just a crush, please don't send yourself into a huge muddle.

 

I leave you with a saying you've probably heard plenty of times: It's probably just a phase.

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I live in NZ also.

Im just 22 and my girlfriend (we are on a break hence why im on here looking for ways to deal with it) is 18 in january. We have been going out just over 16months. From the get go things were great, despite the age difference i gave her space to be with her friends and she gave me my space (occassionally we often found we enjoyed each others company more than other activities.

Anyway, for the most part we were very much inlove, i still am inlove with her, however i dont know if she loves me anymore.

 

Having an older BF will help you mature and teach you worldly things you may not know. Depending on the person and their patience etc. My GFs parents are divorced and consequently not very strict which gave us the freedom to come and go as we pleased.

Up until not long ago things were fine, then she started thinking about how she might be losing her best years by being in a long term relationship and as a result he feelings for me have dwindled into nothingness.

 

In your case and depending on circumstances like parents and what not, id say maybe give it a go, but be careful at the same time. you dont want to end up regretting that you spent your prime teenage years with 1 person. Like mt GF

 

In my opinion the only 1 thing a girl cant do while in a relationship that she might regret when she is older is being unable to fool around with a multitude of guys. everything else should be fine if you give each other room to still do the things that are normal for you/him aswell as spending alot of time together.

 

It can be great but dont forget you will grow and change alot in the next few years and with him being older he may be looking for something a bit more long term.

You can never try and regret not knowing what might have been

or

You can try and live knowing you didnt pass up the chance at something good, but at the cost of some of your "experimenting years"

 

EDIT: she is turning 18 not 17

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What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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