Diggy51607306449 Posted March 6, 2003 Posted March 6, 2003 Well I do apperciate all the advice, but heres one kicker I might have left out. In 3 months Im moving to Oklahoma for a job. She is well aware of this, so Im seriously doubting that she wants me to take a fatherly role with her kids. However, one thing that was brought up while I was finding this info out was the fact that she is having problems with both childrens father (1 guy). Hes basically a loser and dosnt pay child support ect ect. The angle that was given to me was that its possible that she wants to come down here, sleep together, and then say the child is mine and expect me to take responceability of the unborn child. This is the only reason that I can think of that she has yet to tell me about it. Anywho, I apperciate all the info that anyone can provide, and Ill give everyone an update after this weekend!
cookies Posted March 6, 2003 Posted March 6, 2003 wow,...thats an eerie situation that i can share my views on, because i have experienced similarities... firstly...im quite sure that you are intelligent enough of a man to wear a condom if u sleep with her, if you have established these negative feelings and doubts that shes trying to entrap you...so i need not go further on that part. Its always wise 4 a man to look at the calibre or class of female she is, how she carries herself, what type of lifestyle she lives, is she independent and sustaining a living regardless of her X (he plays no factor) and finally, you make the RIGHT judgement call. If you love her...you love her...period. (dont sound like it tho) If you are having such doubts about her now,...i would suggest that you just let her live her life, and u do the same, because you cant be happy and totally love someone freely from your heart, if you have negative thoughts about her this early on in the relationship...and surely if ur not happy, u cant possibly think that you can make her happy... so move on...your answer is as simple as that...k=? Since my divorce, and remaining cellibate for about 5 years aftewards...this is the EXACT reasons that i have chosen not to become involved with a man. I think that alot of men feel that a single mother needs a fatherly figure for her child or children, and desperate for financial support in the event of such cases. Some women rely on men or welfare systems, and there are others that independent, work and suffice for themselves... My x is very irresponsible, which is one reason (not the only reason) that i simply could NOT continue being with him, but that has never stopped me from striving to maintain the comfortable lifestyle ive grown accustomed to. It takes a very strong woman to be able to successfullly juggle single parenthood, refuse to settle for welfare assistance, and stay away from men with the ignorant mentality that single mothers NEED a man to survive. Ive sustained myself WITHOUT child support, without welfare monies or what have you,...AND without a man in my life for well over 5 or so years..and i live in an UPPER middle class subdivision, living quite comfortably and maintaining just as well or better than some two parent family homes...i must add... The views that you have expressed, just confirms my reasoning for remaining cellibate all of these years after divorcing, and keeping a safe distance from men with these type of negative mentalities that stereotype and categorize all single mothers. Another reasoning, is to allow myself to heal from within of the mishaps of divorce, which also allows me to estabish a firm grip on my independence b4 moving forward. After all of these years of being alone and NOT rushing back into relationships, i almost felt as if i was ready to invite love of a man back into my life, however but your question was quite interesting..and im not sure if i want to give up everything i have going 4 myelf, and my peace to deal with such mentalities that i may encounter... Some men have negative views and may never grow to see a positive side because of how he views life in general. IN light of what i´ve said, its good for you to question her intentions,...if you must, but never allow an outsider´s view to hamper you from gaining a truly wonderful woman in ur life...or u will wind up joining that cliche of ppl whose motto is "misery loves company". Other than that, just look more closer at your circumstances. Dont rely or depend on man´s answers, but ask God for answers. You will then make the right decision,..hopefully. I just pray that you havent lost out on a good woman if u find out "firsthand" for yourself that she does not fall into this questionable category... and if she still find YOU interesting... good luck cookies
SwingFox Posted March 6, 2003 Posted March 6, 2003 Diggy, I have responded to your previous posting, too. My initial advice stands. I would be extremely careful in what you do and how you respond. Even with a condom like cookies suggested, things are not 100% safe. She is well aware of that and might use everything against you in the end anyways. Please keep this in mind before making your move(s). Good luck ~ SwingFox ~
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