Ex might be spying?

[brokenheart311]

I won't go into the long story of me and my ex, but here is the abridged version.

 

together 21 months, 5 weeks before wedding ex breaks it off and moves out saying she didn't know if she was ready to be married (in retrospect, it was not a good time for us to marry, maybe someday, but not then.)

 

It has been just over 5 months since split, any contact has been initiated by her but there hasn't been any in about 3 months.

 

Friend's part in our lives. She has been ex's friend much longer than my friend, but over the past year or so we have gotten closer and meet several times a week to run, friend is happily married to a guy i consider a friend now too. This friend saw us as her go to couple if she wanted another couple both she and her husband wanted to hangout, go out, or even travel as a group someday. I have only asked this friend about my ex once in the past 4 months. When she told me ex seemed happy I said "I'm sad it's not with me, but happiness is all I ever want for her."

 

So, about a month ago an old friend from grade school added me as a friend on FB and it's obvious she likes me. Leaves me comments anytime i put anything up and mentioned in a wall post once how hot my lips are and how great I look. About three weeks ago, mutual friend with ex, asks me who this lady is on my page and if I'm dating her. I said "no just a friend from grade school and high school". Anyways the next week my ex gives our mutual friend a few on my things that she accidentally took when she moved out. This when I first started wondering if ex is using our friend to find out about me and my situation, because when our friend asked about the FB lady she asked with that tone that some women have that really says "who the heck is this new girl!?!" Ya know that jealous/accusatory tone, but like i said this friend is very happily married and has no reason of her own to be jealous.

 

Last week while working out I said that she, her husband and I should all go do some karaokee sometime. She went on to invite me to a surprise party that she is throwing for him and said "ex will probably be there, just wanted to let you know that." I know for a fact in the past few months that this friend went out of her way to not invite to events that ex would be attending. I told her I'd think about the invite and let her know.

 

Today I left an update on FB talking about the workout I had, mutual friend commented that she had a good one too and then the friend from high school commented about how smokin' my legs are now. the the mutual friend with ex said "I don't know how much more of this I can take...seriously!" I know this comment was directed towards my old friend's comment and the kicker is the fact that mutual friend ended her comment with the word "seriously" which is something my ex did frequently.

 

I'm just wanting opinions about this situation, if anyone thinks ex is using her friends account to spy on me and if I'm getting invites because ex might want to see me again without having to come out and say it herself. Last bit of pertinent information is the fact that ex did say at one point that she didn't want to close the door on "us" forever and she doesn't know when she will know for sure.

 

Thanks for any input and sorry if it got confusing with the "mutual friend" and "old friend" references, just trying to keep names out of the story.

[AmberQueen]

Rather than worry about whether your ex is using her BFF to spy on you, you might want to think about whether you want to get back with your ex. Your entry gives no hint as to whether you'd be open to that possibility. I mean, what difference does it make if your ex wants you back, but you don't want her back?

 

Now if you do want her back, then start thinking about what kind of relationship you might want to have with her, about what went wrong before and what should be changed for it to go well if you two tried again.

 

You also never said whether you intend to accept the friend's invitation. If you do accept it and anticipate seeing your ex there, then you might want to think about what you'll say to her, how your demeanor will be.

 

In other words, think constructively. And be clear in your own head -- and heart -- about what you think and feel.

[brokenheart311]

Thank you for your response. Yes i would like to reconcile at some point, that's why I'm posting here. Even though my ex said i did nothing wrong and that I'm perfect for her when she left, I know that our schedules hand been crazy and we only had about an hour to be alone each week (both in school and working, plus she had a son who I was helping raise) My ex craves a balance of stability and spontinaity, neither of which were abundant towards the end. I don't know that she would ever admit those as reasons for leaving but it was the only thing that was different in our relationship. I won't be done with school for another year so that situation isn't going to change until then, unless I win the lottery or something.

 

I probably will accept the invite, the party isn't until next week. If the ex and I talk I can just show her that I'm confident in myself and that I don't NEED her in my life (not say it, but show it by going and having fun). I have dated some during this time apart, but I know my heart hasn't been in it and/or the women I've dated just don't have that same spark we did.

 

So if there was an interest on her part to date, it would have to be like starting over and taking things more slowly than we did the first time. BTW, we never fought, had a few disagreements, but always talked them out and came to a resolution.

 

I have spent many hours looking for faults of mine in the relationship and the biggest one was letting us fall into a routine. We had very little money for date nights and/or a sitter, she got bored, so my big mistake was going back to school while we lived together. Granted i went back to school because when I'm done I'll double my salary and be better able to support a family, something we both agreed I should do.

[DN]

So - what about the highschool friend - do you have any interest there?

[brokenheart311]

So - what about the highschool friend - do you have any interest there?

 

No, she is just a friend (at least from my end) and i told this to mutual friend of ex. I haven't told her flat out I'm not interested since it has only been flirting on her end, but if she asks me out I'll tell her that I value her as a friend, but that's all I envision for us. I meant to mention that in my original post.

[DN]

Hmmm. that's a shame.

[brokenheart311]

Hmmm. that's a shame.

 

Yeah, it is. I don't have any lack of other options, but after dating around a bit my heart still returns to my ex. Getting into anything with old friend would not be good for her. Maybe down the road, but if she meets someone before my heart moves on then she should go for it and not wait for me...and she knows about ex and how long ago it was and i make it obvious that there are still feelings for ex.