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mark_e

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Hello everyone. I just thought I would introduce myself. I first started cutting seven years ago. It seems like a long time now that I actually say it. I was in college and doing very well, but then I started to get depressed. I had no friends. I had trouble concentrating. I tried to reach out for anything or anyone that would help me, but I found nothing. I went from getting A's and B's one semester to all F's the next semester, and the one after that. I thought about suicide all of the time. I began seeing a psychologist at the university, and she helped. But, I refused to believe that there was anything wrong with me. I remember sitting in her office, kind of dimly lit, but friendly. She was in a chair and me in another, like we were old friends talking in the living room. I have bad eyes, and so she asked me, "could you just will your eyes to get better". "No, of course not", I responded. "I take medication for that". She tried to get me to reach out more and see a psychiatrist and take medication, but I wouldn't do it.

 

Then one day I really scared her and scared myself. I got a hold of a gun. I was crying a lot and thinking about it. Later, in her office, I told her what I did and that I thought about doing it again. That's the first time I went to the hospital. I started taking medication, but it was horrible. It made me lethargic all of the time. I stuck with it, but it didn't help much. I moved in with my parents. Now, my father is verbally abusive, especially to my mother. I hated being there, but I had nowhere to go. Between the depression, failing at school, and living at my parents I just couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't.

 

That was the first time. It felt great, and it made me feel so relaxed. You all know how it feels. I don't want to make this too long of an introduction. So, for three years I continued cutting. I was hospitalized several times for injuries or suicide attempts. Those three years are a story in themselves, but I eventually ended up back at my parents and back in the hospital.

 

I saw a new psychologist, and he prescribed some new medications. Those medications finally worked for me. I have had no suicidal thoughts, no urge to cut, and no depression for four years now. At first I didn't believe that I had a problem that medication could solve. But, now I know better.

 

I don't think medication is the answer for everybody. Even I did a lot of introspection, and I dealt with a lot of unresolved issues. But, the real reason I got better is because I wanted to. It's that simple really. I thought it would never happen, but it did.

 

 

So, that's my introduction in probably too many words. I look forward to participating in this forum. I can see there are a lot of caring people here.

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I am thinking going on medication again. My parents have always been very strict on the 'no medication'. I have been to countless psycholoigists and countless times in hospital and everybody wants a REASON for the way i feel but i just dont have one.

 

Do you get bad side effects? I am scared of taking anti depressants again becasue they dont really know the long term effects of them and i swear from the last anti depressents i was on for about 2 years changed my life. I feel like i dont have any natural defenses against getting depressed/offended or dealing with anxiety etc.

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Medication has been very helpful to me, in fact it has "cured" me. Although I think a number of factors contributed to my depression, cutting, and suicide atempts such as bad upgringing, life experiences, physical limitations, etc, I know that my brain just seems to need this medication too. It has been quite amazing because I just feel totally better now.

 

I take it you are a minor since your parents won't let you take medication. If you're not a minor then you just need to do what is best for your health regardless of what people say. Another lesson I learned through all of this is that my health is very important. It's more important than my girlfriend, parents, boss, and friends. You have to look out for yourself in this regard.

 

If you're a minor and cannot take medication without parental concent then I I would have the doctor talk with them. He or she should be able to address their concerns better than you can. Just let them know that you want to try medication.

 

I'm sorry you have had such bad experiences so far. Just keep on trying to get better, and I think you will, just keep trying. I have tried several medications, and some had side effects. Some didn't do anything. And the ones I take now have made me completely healthy with no side effects!

 

There are dozens of medications available, not just antidepressants, but mood-stabalizers as well, which I take because I am bipolar type II. Psychiatric medications can take months to have an effect, so it will take you a while to find what works for you, but don't give up.

 

I don't know about long-term side effects. I have taken my medications for about four years now and they have been fine. Don't be so quick to blame medications for changes in your life/personality. It might be impossible to say, but people just change as they get older you know. It might not have anything to do with medications. Just make sure you take the medications as perscribed. If you just suddenly stop then your body will have trouble adjusting.

 

Best wishes my friend. Please reply or im me if you would like to talk more.

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