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Talking in a cuter voice to boyfriend...wrong?


hope123

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Do you ever talk to your significant other a little differently than other people? My voice for the most part usually just sounds a little different, nicer etc maybe more cuter(to me anyway lol), maybe i sound a little younger...my last serious b/f never complained about it and i never even thought twice about it really, i always thought it was cute and i was being nice to him.....but my friend kind of mentioned when she heard me doing it she thought i sounded childish and thought it was weird..its not like i would hold a whole conversation like that or speak that way if its a serious topic or argument..but if everything was fine and i am talking to him, i would just sound a little more different...i guess i just started questioning that like is that a horrible thing or something? She said it made me sound like this meek, super innocent type girl and i guess i thought whats wrong with that? my voice would just a little differently when with him or on the phone if everything was fine....sometime his voice would sound a little different too..definitely not as much as me but sometimes his voice would get like that at some moments or if he was trying to avoid a fight and make me feel better, he would try to say it in a nicer tone or something..i know i did it pretty often and probably still do..guess my friend just made me question it a little and im wondering if its annoying to him.....

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I think we all do that. Both men and women. Its just playful, but we tend to do it privately. I know I've done it with boyfriends. Pulled silly faces and used funny voices, especially if i wanted something or I was trying to pull them out of a grumpy mood. But they just laughed or mimicked me, so it obviously didn't annoy them.

 

Is your friend in a relationship of their own? Sometimes when you're single, or your own relationship isn't going so well, the presence of a happy couple can be frustrating and irritating as hell.

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well i'm not sure if its like a baby voice..it does sound more nicer, cuter so i guess it can be almost baby like u know? but he had never complained about it before..

 

If he's never complained about it, what's the problem. If he's complaining about it, try to stop doing it.

 

If it's only your friend complaining, tell her to sod off out of it because she's not your boyfriend.

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It's very common. My only thought is that it can indicate an imbalance in the relationship -like you feel you have to play Little Girl (which can be passive-aggressive stuff) or that you need to placate him.

 

Or it can just be fun.

 

Personally I'm with your friend, I find it irritating in the extreme when adults talk like little kids when they're in an adult love relationship BUT! - it's none of my business, nor hers.

 

Just make sure you're comfortable and not giving away power in the relationsihp, or playing games. I suppose it could be one of those Blonde things someone was talking about on another thread! lol

 

Just enjoy each other and don't worry too much about other people if you're not harming anyone.

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It's very common. My only thought is that it can indicate an imbalance in the relationship -like you feel you have to play Little Girl (which can be passive-aggressive stuff) or that you need to placate him.

 

Or it can just be fun.

 

Personally I'm with your friend, I find it irritating in the extreme when adults talk like little kids when they're in an adult love relationship BUT! - it's none of my business, nor hers.

 

Just make sure you're comfortable and not giving away power in the relationsihp, or playing games. I suppose it could be one of those Blonde things someone was talking about on another thread! lol

 

Just enjoy each other and don't worry too much about other people if you're not harming anyone.

 

 

It would irritate me. I can't even stand when people call their partners "dear", "honey", "poopsie" etc.

I knew someone who was cheating on his partner. When I used to hear him on the phone with his partner he always put on this fake gushy sweet voice..the voice of "love"..in the meantime banging every other woman around!

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Baby or 'special' talk between adults has a way of being very annoying to other people. It almost has a 'show off' or 'i want to be the center of attention' or 'look how special we are' or 'i want to be a baby again' quality to other people that makes it annoying, even if you don't mean it to be.

 

A little baby talk when you're alone is fine and can be fun, but i'd try to drop it when out with other people or other people are listening.

 

There is a terrifically funny Seinfeld episode where Jerry dates a baby talker who drives everyone crazy (including Jerry too eventually). I wish i could remember the name of that episode.. You should watch it! I think the pet name she always used when she baby talked him was 'smoochie woochie'... anyone else remember the name of that episode?

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A woman that my SO knows pointed out to him that he speaks to me in a different voice. He has a southern accent. Most of the time when we first started talking it was not noticeable, as our relationship grew closer, it came out more. One day he was talking to me on the phone and after he hung up this woman told him that while he was talking to me his attitude softened and his accent was a lot stronger. He asked her why that was and she said it was probably because he lets his guard down around me.

 

He said he thought it was kind of odd. I think its cute. When he is tired his accent really comes out, and I think its sweet.

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It would irritate me. I can't even stand when people call their partners "dear", "honey", "poopsie" etc.

I knew someone who was cheating on his partner. When I used to hear him on the phone with his partner he always put on this fake gushy sweet voice..the voice of "love"..in the meantime banging every other woman around!

 

lol

 

I agree. I can't stand being called by 'sugar' 'sweetie', 'honey' blah blah either. Makes my stomach churn.

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I agree with those saying any voice change should be saved for the times you and your bf are alone. It can be kind of awkward for other people to listen to, although if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to hang out with the two of you. But you don't want that, right?

 

I also agree with those saying to be wary of using that voice to portray yourself as meek, passive, etc.

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I'm not sure why your friend felt the need to point that out -- did she think you really didn't know? I sometimes call my husband "honey" if I need to get his attention and forget that we're not alone (but it's in a normal tone of voice) -- and we do have our private voices - just to be funny/cute/playful but I know I don't do that in public and wouldn't love to listen to it as a steady diet (but unless my friend asked me what I thought, I wouldn't offer it unsolicited - if you don't have something nice to say....)

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My voice is always softer and more feminine around my boyfriend.

 

But, that more of my real voice. When I am around my guy friends, I tend to have a rougher voice. I find it keeps them from finding me attractive and makes them think of me as "one of the boys". I say 'dude', 'man', and general slang when not around my boyfriend. It's not flattering for me to be that way and that's why I do it.

 

Around superiors, relatives, and my boyfriend, I use my warm, dainty, feminine voice. I only baby talk dogs. Can't help it.

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I would never talk in a cutsie voice, nor would i want to be talked to in a cutsie voice, but i think many people have a different idea of what is cutsie or not.

 

for example, some people on this thread can't even stand calling someone 'dear' or 'love'

 

I wouldn't wouldn't want to be with someone who NEVER used terms of endearment.

 

Maybe it depends on how you grew up as well? I can't think of a time when my mum or dad didn't call me 'dear' or 'sweetheart'

 

To me, someone who I am dating who never calls me dear, sweetheart etc i wouldn't want to be with as it just seem to 'pal-friend' like. Or just seems cold and doesn't have any feelings or passion for the relationship.

 

Is that talking cutsie? To me cutsie is saying

 

 

"Hewow, widdle kootie-patootie boyfwend!!"

 

And no. I would never speak like that!

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I like terms of endearment. I'm wary of the whole 'changed voice' thing - I was with someone for a long time who would use what we called his 'Little Boy Voice' when he was being manipulative. It took me a while to wise up to it, but it was always the case (still is, in fact). I never mentioned it to our daughters but they picked up on it when they were teenagers, and would tell him to grow up! lol

 

It's actually quite interesting to link this to the Parent Adult Child stuff in Transactional Analysis. I know very little about it, but I do know that I have to be careful about seeing other people as more sorted/('adult') than me, and so I have to be careful not to drop into the Child role. I almost never do it now, but that voice is a warning to me that I'm not being an adult in my relationships.

 

(Just to explain where I'm coming from).

 

And yes, it's IRRITATING! If you want a better reason why, it's like flaunting your relationship in front of people whose circumstances you don't know. The other week, I'd just been through a break-up and a colleague had a huge bouquet delivered to the office for her wedding anniversary. I love her to bits and I was pleased for her, but I had to go out for a walk till the feeling of being stabbed through the heart had gone off.

 

If you have something precious, be very very grateful, and maybe think about not shoving it in other people's faces (metaphorically!!!!!!!)

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And yes, it's IRRITATING! If you want a better reason why, it's like flaunting your relationship in front of people whose circumstances you don't know. The other week, I'd just been through a break-up and a colleague had a huge bouquet delivered to the office for her wedding anniversary. I love her to bits and I was pleased for her, but I had to go out for a walk till the feeling of being stabbed through the heart had gone off.

 

If you have something precious, be very very grateful, and maybe think about not shoving it in other people's faces (metaphorically!!!!!!!)

 

I can relate. On Valentines day every female with an SO got a huge bouquet of flowers. I was the only girl in my section of cubicles without flowers, and the man I cared about hadn't been able to call in two weeks. That was rough. I did a lot of filing in the file room that day.

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I can relate. On Valentines day every female with an SO got a huge bouquet of flowers. I was the only girl in my section of cubicles without flowers, and the man I cared about hadn't been able to call in two weeks. That was rough. I did a lot of filing in the file room that day.

 

Hugs to you. And anyone else who 'gets' that feeling.

 

I almost sent myself some, once! But luckily I drew Back From The Brink!!!!

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But there's a line to be drawn - there's flaunting of course (which to me is unnecessary) but then should couples live their lives never using terms of endearment or holding hands in public because someone might be feeling badly that day about not having someone special? I am very sensitive to that situation but there's a point where I'm not going to forego "honey would you mind helping me out for a minute" because we are around a person who happens to be single. Yes I've felt that way when seeing flowers or someone newly engaged but that's a far cry from someone announcing/squealing "look what honeybear sent me oh I love my little muffin!"

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I don't think most people object to someone calling their spouse 'honey'... it's more about the annoying baby voices that irritates most people. I frankly don't know too many older couples who baby talk each other or use 'special' voices constantly addressing one another.

 

Of course there will be tenderness and familiarity between spouses and that doesn't bother most people, it's the over the top 'look at me' type activities or babyish stuff that annoys other. I doubt anyone would get uspet about a couple holding hands or giving an affectionate squeeze, but it is annoying seeing someone climbing all over their partner like they're a baby or a 5 year old.

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I'm like that towards my boyfriend sometimes. He doesn't see anything wrong with that, in fact he thinks it's cute. I think it varies between people. As you can tell, some people don't like it and some do. However, in regards to your friend telling you how you should speak to him, I don't think it really pertains to her to be honest. This is your relationship and you should feel free to speak however you feel comfortable. If your boyfriend doesn't have a problem with this either, that's all that matters.

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I only baby talk dogs. Can't help it.

 

lol I almost baby talk my dog - it's more of treating her like a cute little kid, because that's what the silly creature acts like. That dog thinks she's a person, and knows she's queen of the couch.

 

Anyway, on topic! Thought you might want a guy's perspective, since it's been mostly women responding.

 

If I had a girlfriend and she wanted to use terms of endearment with me (nothing too weird though), that'd be fine. "Honey" and "Sweetie" and "Sweetheart" would be okay, but "Poopsie" is definitely out unless it's to be funny once in a while.

 

Baby talk in moderation as well, and only in private. But if her voice became slightly softer/more feminine around me, I'd take that as a sign of affection, and I'd be totally okay with that.

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I'm like that towards my boyfriend sometimes. He doesn't see anything wrong with that, in fact he thinks it's cute. I think it varies between people. As you can tell, some people don't like it and some do. However, in regards to your friend telling you how you should speak to him, I don't think it really pertains to her to be honest. This is your relationship and you should feel free to speak however you feel comfortable. If your boyfriend doesn't have a problem with this either, that's all that matters.

 

I think the OP should tell her friend in a cutesie voice "why is this any of your business, sweetiepie?"

 

It's not about honesty when someone gives unsolicited input that's negative and it's not a matter of life and death - any "honesty" is trumped by the tactlessness.

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As long as it's in private, I don't see the problem. My voice naturally changes in a number of sitatuions - my coworker who sits in the cube next to mine always makes fun of the fact that my pitch gets about 10 times higher when I'm on the phone. I tend to talk in a higher, more feminine voice when my boyfriend and I are in private, but I wouldn't dare do the cutesy talk in front of his friends.

 

I'll echo everyone else that your friend was out of line for calling you out on it.

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i guess that's kind of what i am questioning now--when its just me and him on the phone or something....its not the baby talk like "baby", "sweet pea" etc etc....its just my voice sounds different with him, maybe at times sounds a little more innocent, cuter etc if you know what i mean..its just my voice that kind of changes naturally when with him, talking to him on the phone...i kind of just see it as nice and cute...he never complained before but now that we broke up and are talking again to see what could happen i am questioning how i sound even lol...bad i know

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