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She's been the reason for everything I've done. What's wrong with me?

Silas Bencomo

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This has been a recurring issue for about 4.5 years now.


I developed a crush on a girl (yes cliche; we'll call her Pam), but due to our very quiet/shy nature, talking to her's nearly impossible. What's been bothering me all this time though, is the feeling of inferiority; not ever feeling good enough for her. Reason being: she seems to excel at EVERYTHING. Band, academics, etc. Whereas I'm only a mere average student making average grades


Pam has always been so good at everything she's done, compared to my mere weak talents. And I have always felt too unworthy. It wasn't only her astounding beauty that attracted me, but her talents and personality are what pulled me to her. But with each accomplishment or with each award she would win, it would only seem to lower my self-esteem even more...and I don't blame her for her successes, she deserved them. I applaud her for it. The feeling of not being good enough for her, however, is inevitable.


She placed at #3 at our graduation last year....and again that got me down. We're in our second year of community college, and she is still excelling, and has recently joined the PTK honor society, and became a cheerleader (which was a very big shock to me, she's always been so quiet). She became a candidate for homecoming, and I had just heard that she plans to get her B.S. and then off to medical school; she seems to have her future planned out, whereas I'm just winging it right now, I'm so unsure of what my calling is.


I've admired her for so long that she's the only person I've been thinking about day and night for the past 5 years, and how seeing her face is a blessing. My self-esteem is what's been motivating me to excel in academics as well, but I always seem to fall short of my goals. My motivations were driven, but they nearly became destructive.


We've known each other for years (pre-K)....but only by name, nothing deeper than that. Throughout those years...she eventually figured out that I liked her, but nothing has changed following the discovery. Even today, I can't stop comparing my talents to hers. Her talents are practical (math, science.), whereas my talents are only idealistic (english, philosophy).


Her being scientifically intelligent, and me only being philosophically intelligent, has led me to believe that I have to excel in her areas, either being just as good or better than her just to even get her attention.


I adore this girl so, but I can't help but hate her. And I probably shouldn't. Up until now, she's been the reason for everything I did. What's wrong with me?


I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm looking for a way to cope. A solace.

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You need to stop comparing yourself to her. She excels at her think and you excel at your thing. That doesn't make you inferior. If you are that interested in her perhaps you should ask her out. Maybe the things that you and she excel in will complement each other and give you something to learn from each other. Life can be more interesting with partners who have different strengths because you can learn from each other and help each other out. For example. companies would not survive if everyone had exactly the same skills. You need people of varying skills to make the company run smoothly..everyone contributes what they know best. Same with a relationship...each person contributes something.

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