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24 years old. Never had a girlfried, never kissed a girl, never been on a date, still a virgin :(


batigoal

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I feel I have to post it here because I have no one in IRL I can tell this too. I wanted to put no IRL friends in the title, but it was too long

 

Not sure what to do. Tbh, I haven't put myself out there lately since I have crippling shyness and I'm horribly afraid of rejection.

 

I'm a nice guy, I'm polite, I'm just very shy. Not sure how to overcome it.

 

I've even contemplated an escort. No joke. Not for sexual purposes, just someone to hang out with to build up my confidence.

 

For reference, here is a picture

 

Maybe it's a looks thing? Anything I could change?

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Well, just so you know, you're not alone. I have friends who are 29 and still virgins with no boyfriends.

 

I don't think it is a look thing, I think it is a matter of getting over your shyness. What are your hobbies? Can you join a local club that relates to your hobbies so that you can meet people? Breaking the ice is a lot easier when you have something in common, so meeting people through a hobby or interest is a great way to get past shyness.

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you're not a bad looking guy at all! like another poster said, how many girls have you asked out? i read some quote, "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

 

The last girl I asked out humiliated me in front of her friends in college.

 

I didn't actually ask her out, lol. Was too shy to even tell her. My friend told her. Instead of just saying she wasn't interested she pretty much ripped me apart.

 

Haven't recovered from that, so really only 1 girl I've ever asked out lol

 

Problem is now I can't even approach women because I don't want to go through that again

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There are plenty of women out there who won't act like 10 year olds when it comes to rejecting.

 

You have nothing to lose when you ask someone you are interested in out. Just remember that. It doesn't matter if you've never had any experience, just ask. Have confidence in yourself. It's rare to find a woman who will approach you first, so you got to take that first step.

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I think you should cut your hair and keep cleaned shaven. You aren't a bad looking guy but you do need to polish yourself up. You have dark hair and olive skin which are great features to have. You are skinny but a lot of girls like that. If you can, try and find more flattering clothes (you look like you are drowning in that shirt). It's amazing how the right fit of jeans make all the difference. I spend hours/days looking for the right fit for me. Settle for nothing less than perfect for clothing.

 

Consider less dark clothes too as wearing certain styles will intimidate people.

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The last girl I asked out humiliated me in front of her friends in college.

 

I didn't actually ask her out, lol. Was too shy to even tell her. My friend told her. Instead of just saying she wasn't interested she pretty much ripped me apart.

 

Haven't recovered from that, so really only 1 girl I've ever asked out lol

 

Problem is now I can't even approach women because I don't want to go through that again

 

i am sorry she did that. but that speaks more about her and nothing about you. she was clearly immature. i think a lady would have just said, 'thanks but i'm not interested'. in any case, get out there. i'm sure you have a lot to offer.

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I would practice just talking to women, for starters. Once you get a sense of how to relate to a woman, it will be easier to ask someone out. If you don't get comfortable with women in general, then every time you want to ask a woman out, it'll feel like a life-or-death action ... and in reality, it is NOT.

 

I agree with everyone who said most women realize it takes some guts for a guy to make his feelings known, so your experience with that girl who ripped you apart reflects HER, not you. And you don't want to be with someone like her, so it's her loss.

 

I firmly believe that the person you end up with will like you and see you for who you are. So she will be receptive to you. She may even like it that you're kinda shy at first. Instead of focusing of your fear, focus on what you have to offer. Take confidence in your sense of humor, your kindness, your perspective, etc.

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I think you should cut your hair and keep cleaned shaven. You aren't a bad looking guy but you do need to polish yourself up. You have dark hair and olive skin which are great features to have. You are skinny but a lot of girls like that. If you can, try and find more flattering clothes (you look like you are drowning in that shirt). It's amazing how the right fit of jeans make all the difference. I spend hours/days looking for the right fit for me. Settle for nothing less than perfect for clothing.

 

Consider less dark clothes too as wearing certain styles will intimidate people.

 

so appear as a different person and you might have a chance.

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I think you should cut your hair and keep cleaned shaven. You aren't a bad looking guy but you do need to polish yourself up. You have dark hair and olive skin which are great features to have. You are skinny but a lot of girls like that. If you can, try and find more flattering clothes (you look like you are drowning in that shirt). It's amazing how the right fit of jeans make all the difference. I spend hours/days looking for the right fit for me. Settle for nothing less than perfect for clothing.

 

Consider less dark clothes too as wearing certain styles will intimidate people.

 

i agree. if thats the style of clothes you normally wear you might want to try something a little different like better tshirt/shirts that are more fitting for example . clean up the facial hair, maybe cut your hair too and just freshen yourself up a bit. it would probably help your confidence too.

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so appear as a different person and you might have a chance.

 

Be the best you you can be.

 

I never understood trying to express yourself through your appearance. Let your thoughts and words express who you are. Using your looks as a way to express yourself will just alienate you/intimidate people. Also, I don't think who I am could ever be expressed through clothing.

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Be the best you you can be.

 

I never understood trying to express yourself through your appearance. Let your thoughts and words express who you are. Using your looks as a way to express yourself will just alienate you/intimidate people. Also, I don't think who I am could ever be expressed through clothing.

 

That's why I said appear.

 

so clothes don't matter?

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My current rut isn't helped by this factor which hasn't mentioned yet I don't think - how often do you talk/meet girls, whether it be through friends, out and about, etc?. Or at the least how often do you see girls checking you out? (this at least gives/keeps a person confidence in their appearance even if they are shy).

 

As mentioned girls will rarely approach guys, and even if work on making sure you'll ask a girl out, it's no good if you can't even get into a conversation with anyone. So I thought it'd be good to see how you're going here in this area too.

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I got my first and only GF at 25...it was a fun run, but she's now my first ex. It hurts. And this side of alone is jsut as alone as the other side.

 

There's nothing I can say except be yourself and take a little iniative once in a while.

 

I am alone, but not lonely.

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Absolutely.

 

Learning how to talk to women is very important. I feel quite comfortable talking to women and being in the presence of women, a scenario which made me extremely nervous years ago. I flirt with women without even thinking about it, a habit that can also be a fault if done too much (so you have to be careful, especially when you do get a girl).

 

I have a couple female friends that are getting drawn closer to me (as friends). It's great to just hear their insight into dating and relationships. There are some women in my life who are happily in relationships, but if you saw their boyfriends, you wouldn't exactly think about the physical attraction side. However, sometimes it's just a matter of picking up on a certain vibe. It really can't be explained.

 

The girl I'm dating now is quickly moving into relationship territory, which will make her my first girlfriend. Thing is, I met her the moment I stopped looking and was most at peace with myself. And it was like the saying goes, "Love at first sight." Can't explain it, really. I didn't plan on it, but it's beautiful, challenging, et cetera. You will find that once you start to fall for a woman and things flourish, you are directly informed about how capable or incapable you are of controlling your emotions. There will be times when you can't stop thinking about her. And what you will find is that it isn't necessarily healthy to be around her ALL the time. If I hung out with this girl 7 days a week, I would take the time we spend for granted and our attraction towards each other would not be too strong because of (what it seems to be) the importance of absence. Not total unavailability... just being comfortable not being around her some days, or even talking to her for a day.

 

I firmly believe that you need to be happy with who you are individually before putting someone else in the picture. My life would have been fine and whatnot if I had not met the girl I'm dating. That's how at peace I was, and am even more at peace now. However, I have to learn to control my mind more, because she could easily be a huge distraction and get in the way of the rest of my life. Does that make sense? In other words, the blossoming of a relationship is beautiful, but you will realize just how beautiful it is be to be SINGLE as well.

 

It only took 20-something rejections in a row to get one yes, but it's worth it, because if you just let it happen, you will meet someone who is genuine and accepts you for who you are, not someone who wants to play mind games. Forget all about the million dating "rules" - how to dress, how to do this, how to do that, when to do this, when to do that, etc. What you do is different all the time. I kissed this girl at the end of the first date, which may be too quick for another girl. I mean, I walked her home. But that's not a rule, that's just being a gentleman.

 

I know the post went on and on, but I feel like sharing the above sentiments with you in hopes that it will give you some inspiration. Best of luck!

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The last girl I asked out humiliated me in front of her friends in college.

 

I didn't actually ask her out, lol. Was too shy to even tell her. My friend told her. Instead of just saying she wasn't interested she pretty much ripped me apart.

 

Haven't recovered from that, so really only 1 girl I've ever asked out lol

 

Problem is now I can't even approach women because I don't want to go through that again

 

Geez, what a(sorry for the misspelling; I feel the word shouldn't be censored in this case).

 

Everyone is different. Some girls will think there's something wrong with you for being a virgin at your age, some will think it's nice, and some will be indifferent to it.

 

Girls can be funny like that. My advice is to go on some dating site and just meet girls for coffee. First get in touch with a girl through a site, then send a few e-mails back and forth to get to know each other a little bit, and when the two of you feel comfortable enough to meet face-to-face, plan a meeting in a public place like a cafe or diner. Maybe something will come of it, maybe something won't.

 

The point of these meetings is to just talk to the girls in person. That's it. Don't even expect anything to come of it. Just get in the habit of talking to girls in the real world.

 

It's like...well, I can tell you play guitar from your picture. Remember there was a time you couldn't play the guitar at all. When you first started, you had to be taught how to hold a pick, how to fret a note, how to position your hand on the neck for maximum playability, fret access, etc. Now, when you first started, you probably had no calluses and no practical arch in your fingers to play. But after a while, you develop that arch and those calluses and not only can you play chords, but you can transition between them. Eventually, you use these skills to play an actual song.

 

That's sort of what you'd be doing with my suggestion. Just practicing. Getting used to being social. Getting used to communication (not just verbal, but body language and with the use of eyes). Essentially, the point is that women will become less mysterious and you should be able to talk to them like they were regular human beings. After all, they ARE human.

 

As for your looks, trust me. You look great. I only saw the one pic in the shorter URL you posted because I couldn't get the other one to work. Once you get used to people, you should do fine.

 

EDIT: I usually recommend Craigslist as a dating site. Mostly because it's so anonymous, simple, and popular. It's the easiest way to just put yourself out there and see who takes the bait. It's also an easy way to get in touch with crazy people, so be careful how you phrase your ad. I'd just keep it simple, explaining your interests and appearance in summary, and doing the same with what kind of girl you're seeking (and make sure you have a kind in mind).

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do you have crooked teeth?

do you have terrible acne?

are you overweight?

are you ugly?

 

you should meet all of those requirement first in order to build confidence.

 

These are really stupid questions to be asking yourself.

 

For your first question, some girls find crooked teeth to be attractive as long as your mouth isn't throwing gang signs.

Acne is something that can be treated with various facial creams.

Being overweight can easily be fixed. Self discipline is all you need.

For the last question, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. What one person perceives of you will not be the same as another person.

 

OP, just put yourself out there and be friendly. I would honestly KILL to be in your situation (but then again, I kind of am...).

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Here's a challenge for you. Drop the nice polite guy act. Stop being so damn apologetic. This projection of weakness goes for anything from speech to body language.

 

Practice your shyness by getting used to being out of your comfort zone. Now I am not advising running naked through the streets as that is illegal but there are many other nice exercises for this. You might not need to do them all. I've done them though.

 

1. Make small talk to 10 strangers in a mall.

 

2. Approach 50 women on the street in 50 minutes.

 

3. Approach every woman in a night club (sober!) with the line "let's go home to my place, now." (this will most likely not yield any results, but you get out of your comfort zone).

 

4. Drive to another city and start dancing in the middle of a park or something with no music playing.

 

5. Go to a nudist beach. Naked of course.

 

Operation reduce shyness complete. It will never be completely gone, but you will learn to deal with the feeling.

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Wow. I actually kind of agree with this post. Haven't agreed with any of your other posts, but you have some good ideas in this one, especially #1 and #2. The trick it to stop seeing yourself as a Shy Nice Guy - In Woman, "Shy Nice Guy" usually translates to "Passive Doormat". So instead, call yourself a friendly introverted good guy. I think women like that kind of guy a lot better.

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