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ms.johnson

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So i am 20 years old...and I have been single for almost 2 years now..but I need major help in the men department..I am always giving advice to friends, but I can never follow it....I find myself doing things that I know that I shouldnt be but I do them anyways..the past 2 guys that I dated were very attractive guys..my problem is that because they are so cute that I already play out how the relationship is going to go before it actually even starts...I know that is a little weird...then when things dont work out then I start obsessing about them..check their myspace and facebook..send a text to all my friends about a certain event and send it to them too even though its not their crowd just to see if they would reply back..its bad...no one knows this about me but I feel like i am a stalker even though i am not. so this previous guy is 6 years older than me with a 6 year old daughter..we met and he was so into me..but then things changed and I totally got into him...but like he flaked on me like 3 times...and one of the days we had plans(which he flaked) i ended up texting him like 12 times in one day(but to help my case, when you are having a conversation with someone in text messages and you write hella, in their phone it may show up as like 3 or 4 messages even though it showed up in your phone as one) but then at the end of the night I realized that I was bugging him and I told him that i am sorry that i normally am not like that(which is true because usually we only text like 3 or 4 times a day)and he texted me back "i am sorry but I cant stand someone who texts like that..you are a gorgeous girl but I am going to hit you up some other time"..i am not an ugly girl and there is plenty of guys out there but i am so used to having control over ever aspect in my life and the fact that i dont have control i feel so weird and feel like I need to get back into control.I feel like I date alot because after being cheated on some many times, that I deserve someone better than what I finding out there right now..I dont know if i am just venting but I really need help..And I think that if i had friends who were single to help me get over this, I would not feel this way but I dont have many friends because I really dont trust girls all that much..but the one friend i do have has a boyfriend who she is head over heels for(but I cant stand)...and I can talk to her about anything, but she does not ever want to hang out with me..she rather be with her boyfriend...i am so lost and i need help and a friend to talk to...

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I'm pretty much the same. I'm 20 too. I don't do the obsessive text thing anymore, but I did when I was 15 haha, but then I havent been dumped since then. I broke up with a guy a couple of weeks ago and have since come to the conclusion that I am much happier when I'm single anyway. I'm more myself and I do what I need to do and not what the guy asks me to, I tend to drop everything when I have a boyfriend and I hate that about myself. So for now I'm going to focus on myself. I'm too selfish and too immature to belong in a relationship anyway and I'm not ready to share myself haha. I'm pretty controlling too, and I dislike the lack of control I have when in a relationship.

We are faaaaaaaaaar too young to be stressing about being in relationships. We should be hanging out with friends and enjoying life, people get married when they are like 80 anyway you know haha.

Maybe you just need to come to a similar realisation. I dunno. You need to be happy within yourself before you share everything with someone anyway. And you do deserve someone better than a cheater, so just chill and have fun and enjoy life and make friends. I find everything falls into place when you stop forcing it to, so by deciding that you are happy alone, you therefore have control haha and things will come to you, rather than stressing and being out of control and trying to make things happen, cos no doubt people will feel that and back off.

Am i making sense here...?

 

Good luck!!

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i totally get you....the only thing is that I wont give up that much for a guy..I have a rule that if i am in a relationship that we should have our own lives outside of it..I have a rule where I wont see them more than 2 times a week because when i see them I want to enjoy that time...I am not looking for mr.right, I am looking the the guy that is good for right now...i dont want a relationship, i still want to go out and not feel tied down, but at the end of the day i just want someone there...and the texting him about an event with my friend thing, i have only done once(just to see if he would text back and he did lol) I am a very independent person, but I like having someone at the end of the day...I am fine being by myself, but I feel a little happier when I have someone at the end of the day who can make me feel a way that my friends or my family cant...And i totally know that we are way too young to be stressing about relationships at this age...I have been in 4 serious relationships since I was 12(i started young, 1st lasted 3 years, 2nd lasted a year, 3rd a year, and 4th almost 2 years) I just think that I start obsessing because I feel like there is not alot of girls who have my laid back and chill personality( 90% of the time) but I always want to help a person and so I pick guys who have problems that I think that I may be able to help them deal with or change...and this guy his mom passed away last month after a 3 yr battle of breast cancer and now having to juggle work, being a full time dad, head of the household, and the person to take care of his daughter and his two sisters...and I felt like I could take care of him because he has no time to take care of himself...I dont know why I chose guy with these problems..but when I am out with friends having fun, I dont think about it....its when I get home and i am all alone with my cat is when I start turning into this other person....but I totally get what you are saying...thanks for the advice....

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At the end of the day, everyones different and everyone needs different things.

And every guy you choose to date is going to have issues and problems. If he doesnt, his life probably isnt too interesting you know. Making friends and going easy on yourself is still the best choice I reckon. I love it haha its great fun, cos I can do what I like when I like with who I like and its purely selfish haha. Though sometimes you do needs hugs, but thats what mums and friends are for haha. My best friend is completely the other way tho - she can't be alone. She breaks up with someone and she will be sleeping in someone elses bed that night. It's crazy. The guy shes with at the moment is a total sweetheart tho, theyve been together for well over a year which is a lot for her, and she just cant deal with being single. I'm definitely not a fan of that, because I feel like she never gets a chance to get over the old one.

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