sexylove7975 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I have been hearing things about my ex & that he was not doing well. So I broke NC and called him. Big mistake right? NOPE! Our situation ended on good terms so it wasnt awkward. We talked casually for an hour or so, nothing about the breakup. I just wanted to see if he was doing okay. And it was AMAZING how well the conversation flowed. The relationship did get brought up, and we began talking about why it didnt work. We both agreed on one main fixable problem. Basically we both felt suffocated in the relationship. But neither one knew how to tell the other because we did not want to hurt eachother by wanting to spend less time together. Which in turn ended our relationship. We agreed that we had a communication issue, and it could have been fixed I broke all rules already, so why not? I mentioned that its great we can talk things through and learn from it for both of our next relationships with other people...or if we were ever to meet somewhere down the road. HE AGREED! I brought up again us getting back together, and he said yea its definitely a consideration. As of right now we both agreed it is a big decision to get back together and we needed more time to think (only been broken up 1 week). We are both concerned that if we dont go into this with a full effort, our communication wont change, and we will break up again. So as for now we are taking things slow, continuing with finding our own lives to make sure this is what we want to do. We may go grab coffee on Sunday. We just want to see if we really can communicate better, learn from this and apply it. Because it is clear we deeply care about eachother and there were so many good things about our relationship. So as for now I guess we just got the ball rolling. The idea is out there, but we havent implemented a plan to try getting back together yet. Only time will tell I guess. I just hope he can realize that NOW since we know what was not working in the relationship. it is able to be fixed, I just want to take it slow Link to comment
sexylove7975 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 I just thought I would share something a little positive. I think the best choice I made was NC RIGHT after the breakup when he wanted space. I plan on keeping up LC for now, we both still need space. I just hope now that I know it IS an option, that we can make it work. Getting the idea out there is the easy part, it took a lot of courage. Now I just have to make the right steps from here to truly make it work. Any advice for a hopeful girl??? Link to comment
mikeca Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Well thats a good start, communication is a big key to a successful relationship, like you said, start it off slow and just let it flow naturally between you two. i'd like to see it as a new relationship that blossomed from the old one, keep focusing on what you'd like to see happen with the communication and just basically talk it out whenever something comes up, I hope for the best for you Link to comment
Singler Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Well the advice that was given to me was nc, I didn't do it and pushed him away but I did it for 9 days and he agreed to go out with me and told me to give him time and well again I did not listen and basically pushed him into the arms of another woman. So just be easy, don't be too pushy or needy it might just scare him away. Good luck and keep us posted! Link to comment
sexylove7975 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 Thank you! I am really excited obviously, but I keep telling myself it is best not to jump right back where we left off. I just kind of think it is ironic that both of us knew we spent too much time together and didnt want to hurt the other by telling them...and we ended up hurting eachother more by not talking about it. Hmmm that's life I guess And I really like how u said "a new relationship that blossomed from the old one" I realize that IF we can learn how to communicate by going slow and just a few dates here and there first, this time we would be so much stronger. And scarily as the dumpee I am saying that the breakup & space & NC was a great thing for us. Whether or not we end up together. But so far it looks good that we might at least give it a try! Link to comment
sexylove7975 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 And Singler...yea I have done so well with him I am worried I will come this far & push him away. You gave really good advice. I know I have to keep some distance still. I dont want to pressure him AT ALL As for now we agreed it still needs some thought and we need to still find ourselves. So that is just what I am going to do! Yes, I am excited there is a chance, but I dont need anything to happen right now. I forgot about my own life while we were together...hence the suffocation we felt Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Sexy, it's good that you two talked and the door is open. Tread carefully while doing so... If you found yourself submerged in your relationship and not your own interests, take this time to rediscover you and what you want to do, and what you like etc. Keep him involved if he chooses to and like mike said, treat it as something new in which you can both rediscover yourselves. All the best Link to comment
sexylove7975 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 hey guys just an update! We are going to get coffee on Sunday officially. We talked things over again..he doesnt want to hurt me again so we are going VERY slow. I wouldnt consider it a date but we are going into this with intentions to see if we can communicate and get the 'spark' back. And I dont mean physically, he is VERY attracted to me, there is no denying that. Our communication issues made us lose our emotional attraction. ANYONE have any advice how to get that spark back? I KNOW all I have to do is be myself because he fell in love with me before and he should love me again for who I am. BUT I just really am nervous for the awkward silence! We have history and chemistry and it should be easy right? We also have so much in common. BUT I just go blank sometimes with things to talk about. I know one thing is to do something out of the ordinary together, but for now I just have to make it through coffee, its a first get together/date kind of. SOOOOO anyone know any tricks/ideas to keep the conversation flowing without getting nervous? Things that most couples dont talk about that I could bring up. I enjoy listening to him so I want to ask him things, but being together for 2 years I dont know what to ask anymore! Link to comment
mikeca Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 well if its nice out I would suggest a walk/coffee that way theres always something to comment on, and it puts less pressure to strike up conversations about hows its been the last few weeks, also just be yourself, dont try too hard to say the right thing or right comment, he obviously liked you for being you, so just channel that, relax...and just take it as it happens best wishes Link to comment
sexylove7975 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 Wow such a great idea!!!!! I hope the weather is nice, going on a walk through campus will also remind us of past memories without me saying anything. We used to jog through campus all the time and loved it. Passing all our favorite restaurants together and places we used to hangout as well. haha if I blank I can at least say 'hey do you remember when we did _____ at that restaurant/bar/store' Or something along those lines. Link to comment
mikeca Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 i hope it works out well for you, its kinda funny im sitting here wondering what to do with my situation yet I can answer question for others, maybe i just need to look at it from the outside.. Link to comment
sexylove7975 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 It really helps to get another perspective. I love this forum to get objective viewpoints from people who don't know me or my ex personally. They look at the facts and sometimes have advice from experience. I just feel like we can never answer our own questions until we detach ourselves emotionally from the situation. And of course life has to be difficult and beyond comprehension sometimes. Link to comment
sexylove7975 Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 UPDATE! We went to coffee, only for an hour because the Chicago Bears game was on at 3!! Hah I am a big Bears fan. Anyways, it was a bit awkward at first but then about halfway through the conversation went well. We just kept talking, and talking, and both loosened up. BUT i made a HUGE mistake and accidentally called him babe. I tried to cover it up and change the subject right away but he called me out on it. He was just laughing and I got really embarrassed and told him yeaaa I thought you didnt notice. I told him how embarrassed I was and he goes 'well im not, dont worry about it'. After that we just kept talking like before. When we went to leave he kept telling me how good I looked (which I did on purpose hehe ). And went on about how much he enjoyed meeting up and how glad he was we did. It was pouring rain outside so we stayed a little longer waiting for it to clear up and he gave me a nice hug goodbye. We didnt make plans to meet again, I just gave a 'see you later'. I know we discussed both of our intentions is to see if after what we went through if we can bring the old feelings back. But I didnt want to ask him for a date right away because even if I thought it went well, doesnt mean he did. Although im 99% sure he enjoyed it I guess we will just see if he initiates a second meet-up...maybe one a bit more like a date. BUT I was just my fun, smiley, and flirty self! And he definitely flirted a little bit before he left. So ill just do my thing and see if I got him interested enough for a second date Link to comment
Hobbes Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Sounds great! Good luck Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 yay!!!! Good for you sweetie! Thanks for the update. (And go Bears!) Link to comment
sexylove7975 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Another update for anyone who wants to know how things are... We are going iceskating together this weekend. Definitely a step up from coffee. So far things are looking good and we are still on the right track. Lets just hope I dont get stuck in the 'friend zone'. I dont think that will happen, but hey you never know. I would of never made it this far without all the advice from here!! Link to comment
stabilo Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Sometimes I think this 'friendzone' malarky is a loose term. You can never truly be thought of as a friend, because you had a physical history with someone special. That will always be in the back of his mind, your mind, our minds, their minds in my opinion. We all fell in love at one point, and it can happen again. Sometimes becoming a friend is the only way to reconcile for some people, providing you keep a safe distance or don't 'skate' round the rink too fast! So don't worry too much about that! Good luck. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I just thought I would share something a little positive. I think the best choice I made was NC RIGHT after the breakup when he wanted space. I plan on keeping up LC for now, we both still need space. I just hope now that I know it IS an option, that we can make it work. Getting the idea out there is the easy part, it took a lot of courage. Now I just have to make the right steps from here to truly make it work. Any advice for a hopeful girl??? My girl and i went through this after we broke up for 2 weeks. We took things slow. We still talked everyday but not the normal 5 times a day. we hung out a couple times a week and just had fun. tried not to talk about the PAST relationship at all and to try and be the fun loving couple that we fell in love with from the start. I recommend you do the same. month and a half later, we are doing amazing!! Link to comment
Mellie Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I agree with Stabilo about the 'friends zoned' thing. I don't think there's any such thing, particularly when you have a past. Just got to keep your cool and an open mind. Link to comment
sexylove7975 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Ahh thanks you guys! I have been legitimately worried about it. But I KNOOOOW he is still very physically attracted to me, and obviously we have history. And I know right now he has no other women/options. I have been avoiding talking about the breakup & such, whenever we hangout I keep it fun & light. I will be falling everywhere because I cannot iceskate, so Im sure it will be just us laughing at me the whole time anyways. drewciouS its nice to hear that you are still doing well!!!! Link to comment
sexylove7975 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 FINAL UPDATE! We are back together and official. After iceskating we had a long talk and he basically told me he regretted everything and knows he messed up. We were walking on the quad and we stopped and were standing under a tree and he just went up and kissed me Its almost been a week now and we are stronger than ever. I dont want to give anyone a false hope but just thought I would share something good with everyone going through it. Getting back together CAN happen sometimes. He promised he wont ever let me go again. Link to comment
mikeca Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 now I hope his actions back up what he said, I'm happy for you I'm glad everything worked out with the coffee and iceskating. You did a hell of a job with the coffee and played it all very light and friendly, but remember it'll be tempting to fall back into the old relationship pattern, remember that you've fought to get this back and it will be difficult to take things slow; so remember this is a new relationship enjoy finding yourselfs again and take it day by day so you two can really get to know each other again. and Have fun! Link to comment
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