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Ex's Birthday Coming


WomanWriter

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My ex's first birthday since our break-up is coming up this weekend. It has me feeling a little out of sorts. I've been literally engaging in manual labor monring until night to not think about him. It doesn't completely work, but the exercise feels good.

 

I noticed that the last time he ever signed into his social networking profile is the same day that I deleted my profile...two months ago. He used to go on at least once a week, generally speaking, but interestingly, no more.

 

A mutual friend indirectly let me know what my ex is doing for his birthday...something with his part-time job....and I'm invited to go, but I will not go.

 

I'm just wondering what I will do. It's been so long since we talked and I'm not about to wish him a happy birthday--not just because he ignored my birthday but because I'd obviously be making a fool out of myself since he doesn't want to talk to me. He said he wanted to be friends, but obviously not or he wouldn't have gone into NC without saying anything.

 

I just never thought this could happen.

 

I was out in my front yard this afternoon and I kept feeling paranoid that he might drive by (which is possible...he lives nearby). I kept thinking "Did I lose enough weight since we broke up? Will he wonder why I'm still living at home?" Then I got angry for thinking about how I felt the need to present myself as "perfect" to him. I always felt like he was judging and evaluating me like an object (like my dad and brother do). I have a right to not be skinny...especially since I'm dieting and exercising...I have a right to work in my front yard without thinking that he is going to put some judgment on my living arrangements (when HE still lives at home and has a part time job).

 

It just made me realize that I put myself down the way he would. But he's GONE. Why is his voice still putting me down? How do I tell his voice to SHUT UP?!

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I'm just wondering what I will do. It's been so long since we talked and I'm not about to wish him a happy birthday--not just because he ignored my birthday but because I'd obviously be making a fool out of myself since he doesn't want to talk to me. He said he wanted to be friends, but obviously not or he wouldn't have gone into NC without saying anything.

 

Have you thought maybe it's just as hard for him as it is for you to let you go? Perhaps NC with you was helping him rid the pain. If you're still not feeling good about all this I think you should let this year's birthday pass. I was stuck on my ex and passed her birthday gifts a year after we broke up. I think it was completely stupid of me to do so. Why I did it was beyond me; perhaps it was an excuse to meet her and impress her with my thought and generosity. If you still feel this way, I would suggest you back away from this route.

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Birthday Quotes Page 2
Birthday Quotes Page 2

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