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I guess our priorities arent the same


sweetgirl141

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I mentioned to my boyfriend that we should take a small vacation by ourselves around the middle of December. We have been dating for 6 months (which seems like a decent amount of time to me) but he seemed put off by me suggesting it, almost like i was trying to move too fast. I waited a few weeks again and brought it up and he said "yea that would be nice".

 

Well today I showed him the trip information from one of the booking sites and he seemed interested. Then later that night i told him that we needed to go ahead and book it incase the rates went up, that we could use the "bill me later" option and pay on it when we had extra money. He then begins to tell me that he has all these expenses, blah blah and the mean side in me came out and i said "so that means you are going to stop smoking weed then right" (he spends about $150 a month on weed. I know I know, why would I want to date someone that does that. It does bother me and if it were any other drug I would NOT date him) and he said "no".

 

It just makes me mad that I would give up some shopping or something like that to make sure the trip was paid for so we could have that time together but he wont give up buying weed when he could use that money for something important.

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not to mention $150/worth a MONTH is nothing.

 

Do you drink alcohol? Coffee? smoke cigarettes? chocolate? It's ok to be frustrated that he doesn't seem to want to go on a trip, but to turn it into a problem with him smoking is kinda immature. that is not the issue and it is wrong of you to make it the issue.

 

the issue is he obviously doesn't really want to go on a vacation... expenses may be the cause but that could also be an excuse. if it was the only cause, then he would be more open to working something out. talk to him more to find out if that is really the only issue - if it is, then ask him how he thinks it should/could be worked out.

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You can always go on a vacation together anytime you want, if everything permits. I understand that you may want to go more than him, however that doesn't imply that you can't do other things to spend quality time together. I would love to go on vacation with my boyfriend, but I understand that it's not the right time due to expenses as well. Personally, I don't think it's something to get worked up about.

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You can always go on a vacation together anytime you want, if everything permits. I understand that you may want to go more than him, however that doesn't imply that you can't do other things to spend quality time together. I would love to go on vacation with my boyfriend, but I understand that it's not the right time due to expenses as well. Personally, I don't think it's something to get worked up about.

 

 

I dont think expenses are the reason. I think he just doesnt really care to go. And if thats the case he needs to be honest. Id much rather KNOW that he doesnt want to go then for him to make up some excuse that I can clearly tell is an excuse.

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I dont think expenses are the reason. I think he just doesnt really care to go. And if thats the case he needs to be honest. Id much rather KNOW that he doesnt want to go then for him to make up some excuse that I can clearly tell is an excuse.

 

If you have a feeling that he doesn't want to go, why would you keep pursuing it? You can't keep forcing the issue on him because it's not fair for him either. I'm sure when the time is right for him, he will let you know that he wants to go. How would you feel if he kept insisting that you do something that you didn't feel comfortable with? Again, I'm not stating this is entirely the case. 6 months really isn't that long to plan a vacation with someone, but that's just my opinion. It really depends on the individual.

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I dont think expenses are the reason. I think he just doesnt really care to go. And if thats the case he needs to be honest. Id much rather KNOW that he doesnt want to go then for him to make up some excuse that I can clearly tell is an excuse.

 

You already know you're asking him to do something he clearly doesn't want to do.

 

Then you challenge him on how he spends his money, and you suggest that he give up something he clearly does want to do.

 

Now you want to press him to discuss his reasons for not wanting to do something when he might not even be fully aware of them--and he may not want to give you an inventory.

 

And this relationship is only 6 months old?

 

If you're not more careful about what you're taking for granted, you may not be able to take for granted that this relationship will last to 7 months.

 

Just food for thought, and in your corner.

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That would scare me seriously if someone wanted to go away on a vacation after only dating them six months! I guess I save that kind of stuff for later on. I hate rushing things and that is a dangerous thing to do with guys. I think you are starting to sound like a nagging wife to your bf after only six months of dating. I understand wanting to go on the trip, I love traveling also, so go with friends and let him do what he likes to do. That is real love.

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It sounds like he doesn't really want to go. Don't hassle him about going, maybe its just a bit to soon for him to go on a vacation at the moment. I don't think its right that you should get angry with him and start making demands.

 

You can't just ask/tell him to give up smoking weed if that is what he has always done. He is most probably addicted to it in some way and it would be really hard for him to give it up.

 

My boyfriend smokes weed, so do I sometimes. I don't frown on him because of it, but then again he wants to give it up and only smokes it a couple of times a week now.

 

I think you should just go on holiday with your friends and dont push him any further, otherwise he will most probably get scared and back off altogether.

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Agree with Mca. Also, you have decided to accept that he uses illegal drugs that he spend $1,500 a year on (imagine what that would be worth if he invested that money, or even put it in savings, whew) - so it's not fair to him after 6 months to nag him about stopping. If it's not cool with you anymore then you probably shouldn't be dating him. How about planning a staycation where you plan fun things to do for a weekend that are in your area - try something new or take a hike nearby in a place you haven't been, etc.

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