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Bump in the road in relationship, make or break?


JaneDoe0

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So i have had a few other posts on this website regarding my relationship with my fiance. It seems as though we have hit a really big bump in the road where we are just not communicating enough and things are not looking too good. It started when i first began to become slightly depressed (which i think may have happened due to the beginning of these problems)

 

I guess i just need to know if other people have gotton through a really big bup in road of their relationship and when do you know when enough is enough and maybe it is not working.

 

The stubborn part of me keeps thinking that i will try to make it work forever even if i am not entirely happy.

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I'm going thru the same. Feeling pretty down about it.

 

I say try and work thru it.

There's only so much you can do, and what's most important is that:

1. both people want to stay together.

2. both people are willing to do their best to avoid problems/conflict triggers.

 

I'm still trying to work thru ours with the bf, and everytime there's another misunderstanding/conflict it just seems harder and harder... but at the same time I don't want to let what we have go.

I would however be ready to walk if it came to a point where I was unhappy every single day and the love began going away.

 

I'm sure you guys still love each other. Just that the conflicts may be making it hard to remember that.

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When you don't want to try anymore, then you will know. With my last boyfriend, I tried so hard and endured so much when we were going through a rough time. He eventually got really lazy and didn't try anymore. After months of tears and heartache, I woke up and one day realized that I didn't care. I didn't feel guilty and there was no part of me that wanted to fix it. Couples can get pass the big bumps in their relationship when both people put the effort. If there is one person always doing the work, then it will inevitably fail.

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So i have had a few other posts on this website regarding my relationship with my fiance. It seems as though we have hit a really big bump in the road where we are just not communicating enough and things are not looking too good. It started when i first began to become slightly depressed (which i think may have happened due to the beginning of these problems)

 

I guess i just need to know if other people have gotton through a really big bup in road of their relationship and when do you know when enough is enough and maybe it is not working.

 

The stubborn part of me keeps thinking that i will try to make it work forever even if i am not entirely happy.

 

what exactly is happening? maybe if you can share a bit more, i want to try and help but i have nothing to work with except your words. like define what the bump is? what are his reactions? what are yours? etc. i hope you can answer these so i can try and give you some insights.

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I know my relationship hit a big in it about 3 years in.

It started with him having depression, and it spiraled downward.

That combined with a few little issues that were popping up here and there from the previous years that became magnified during this time, and it was certainly a rough 6 months or so. It felt like it was my breaking point, but I knew if we could just get passed it it would be ok.

 

But we worked through it, and despite it all..we were there hanging onto each other, mad, upset, angry, crying but not letting go of each other. I had to play the tough guy, I gave an ultamatum, he seekd helped for his depression, and I even attended some sessions with him.

 

It was during that time that we saw our true strength.

Even though at times I did question it, questioned how much more I could deal with, where did I draw the line for myself, for the relationship.

 

But somehow we hung on, because the commitment was always there, deep down.

 

We're going on 6 years together, and those are just things of the past, and its been uphill ever since.

It definitely showed a totally different side to us, something that has made us bond because of it.

 

I think you need to be realistic about things.

What are the problems.

Can they be resolved.

Where are they coming from?

Is outside help needed?

 

I think when you've tried everythind and anything and nothing is changing, then you need to be realistic and realize that things most likely will not change.

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Yes, we are going through one now. I think it is due to our external circumstances, living etc.

 

We have both basically lost our home and its so hard to not take things out on each other. I am quite a moody person and when I feel bad inside, I can just be horrible and push everyone away. I can't help it, its how I cope. I have always dealt with things on my own. It's hard letting someone else in.

 

I am hoping it will all resolve itself once we move into a new home.

 

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat. I think it might help if you share with us what the bump is.

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Thank you for your responses. The bump in the road is that i began getting depressed a few months ago. I am not sure if it was the depression that made me begin to have doubts about the relationship or if the doubts caused me to go into depression.

 

We have been together for 5 years, have always been completely in love with him but all of a sudden i am questioning my feelings for him and our relationship. I am going to therapy for the depression and trying to get that figured out and i still cant seem to let go of my fiance and i just keep on hopeing that things will work themselves out.

 

we are suppose to get married in 9 months and it feels surreal that i am feeling this way.

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Thank you for your responses. The bump in the road is that i began getting depressed a few months ago. I am not sure if it was the depression that made me begin to have doubts about the relationship or if the doubts caused me to go into depression.

 

We have been together for 5 years, have always been completely in love with him but all of a sudden i am questioning my feelings for him and our relationship. I am going to therapy for the depression and trying to get that figured out and i still cant seem to let go of my fiance and i just keep on hopeing that things will work themselves out.

 

we are suppose to get married in 9 months and it feels surreal that i am feeling this way.

 

Have you tried talking about it? tried telling him how you feel? Communication is the first step towards finding a solution, and admitting that neither of you are happy about certain things is the next. Sometimes it takes a lot of thought and self analysis and soul searching to figure why you might not be happy about something, it also takes time, but in the end you should be happier for it if only because you have an answer.

 

tell me what is your problem now? lack of communication? is it that your always having arguments (if so what about) ? And also how does he feel about your situation at the moment knowing that your planning to be married in less than a year? I

 

You see, I'd really like to help but I am trying to give input from things you write, if ou give me more to work on, maybe i can help you out better. hope you can share what it is your are feeling.

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Yes we have tried talking about it, he is trying to be as supportive as possible but i know he is having a difficult time. As of right now we both agree that we should not get married until we figure this out between us.

 

I feel as though i have just been overanalyzing things about him that didn't bother me before and it is difficult to figure out if this is just me and that i am realizing the huge changes that are going to occur in my life or if my feelings are valid. We have alawys had a great relationship but this has really been a true test.

 

The last thing that i want to do is break things off with him and realize that it was a huge mistake and that i am the one with the issues.

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Really feel for you. We are going through this now, awful, we don't know if its circumstances or if its an indicator that we are not suited! It's horrible not knowing... I think it's good you have decided to hold off wedding. I do think its very normal for every relationship to have rough patches. All of my friends are telling me its just a rough patch and we are very well suited!

 

Maybe you feel a bit scared of the committment of marriage so u are surveying him more than you should to evaluate whether he is right for you....

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I think there is a lot of truth to that, i am scared of the commitment of marriage but i want more than anything to be married and have children. I do not want to run away because of my own reservations and ruin my life.

 

I tend to be critical with him anyway and i have gotton better throughout the years (we have been together for 5 years) but now its ful force. Everyone in my family and friends tell me that they all have a strong feeling everything will work out between us but i cant say that i have those same feelings. I am just so scared for my future. I had our whole life planned out and now all of this is happening and making me question EVERYTHING!

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Oh I really feel for you. It's the same with me, I am critical of him, always have been.

 

I think you just have cold feet, like everyone gets, it can even bring on panic attacks things like that! Its because you see it as a very big step, which it is, but in actual fact, you can get married and if it doesnt work and youre not happy, you can get divorced. Sad fact, but you can....

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Ive always been a bit depressive, I am obsessive aswell and a real thinker/worrier.

 

I am just dramatic. I can feel myself doing it, but I cannot help it. I feel so sad because I feel like I will never be happy.

 

I think Ive been with too many bad men who have messed me around, I am totally effed up over relationships... Sorry feeling very down on myself today.

 

But you have been with your guy for five years, thats really good going....

 

Feel free to PM me if you like

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its natural for you to feel like you aren't sure. everyone goes through that at some point or other, but the important thing is that you acknowledge this fact and you are determined to fix things and he is being supportive, then chances are on your side. At this point you both just need to focus on getting through this, and when you do, your relationship should be all the more stronger because of it.

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its natural for you to feel like you aren't sure. everyone goes through that at some point or other, but the important thing is that you acknowledge this fact and you are determined to fix things and he is being supportive, then chances are on your side. At this point you both just need to focus on getting through this, and when you do, your relationship should be all the more stronger because of it.

 

Here here, be positive Jane Doe. Its a very important decision and a very scary one, I think a lot of people would go through this. You will get through it. x

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