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Conflicted - the toughest decision ever.


DaisyDaisy

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I've only ever had one boyfriend... he was my first love... first everything...(and vice versa for him). We were together for 2 years, intensely in love, and planned to be together forever... we broke up over a year ago, on bad terms... he broke up with me because I took him for granted...we used to fight a lot. I still believe much of it was his fault, but we have very different perspectives of the relationship/the way things ended and i've accepted that. There were still lingering feelings for a long time and our break up was the worst experience of my life. But i got through it eventually. It took me a good few months to get over him. But i did in the end. Since then, i haven't met anyone I've loved. But i came a long way. I've dated guys/ive had flings, I've had fun. And thank God that i did- because it made me realise it is possible to imagine myself with another man. My feelings for my ex started fading away slowly.

 

Anyway, we had a few messy friendship attempts after the break up, but then we just CUT contact eventually. It's been over a year now since we broke up. Everytime i cut contact with him, he handles it well at first, but then he just ALWAYS comes crawling back after 2 months tops. The same thing happened again. We went for coffee.

 

1) He interrogated me about what i did with other guys (he said he heard bad rumours about me that he wanted to clarify).

 

2) He said he's fine with it (ie me having kissed someone else etc.) - so long as the " * * * * ty" rumours werent true.

 

3) then we discussed our relationship/friendship, and where it is going. He said that i broke his trust all that time ago, but that even though we were younger, he can still never build that trust back that he once had for me. I discovered through our chats though, that he has issues with people concerning trust. He said he hasn't been able to become close to any other girl since we broke up because everyone he's tried to move on with/via - he hasn't felt comfortable around and can only associate any kind of concept to do with relationships/sex/love with me and that its impossible for him to mess around with other girls. Apparently he went to LA for a month and all his friends were getting with girls every single night but that everyone was accusing him of being asexual because he didn't want to do that. That's when he started to make a move on me. I backed away (even though i desperately wanted not to). But it happened twice - i backed away both times and said i need to think about this. He said he wishes we can meet at the half way point and have a relationship whereby we can tell each other whenver we are sexually frustrated because we feel comfortable together (only under the conditions that i dont have intense feelings for him anymore - which i dont). And maybe it will work.

 

He said it's all completely up to me and that I can think about it as long as I need. I spoke to him about it for an hour on the phone last night aswell - unsure. I said no matter what happens between us, we have to keep a level of respect. I really don't know. So now I'm left conflicted. I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to do this with him because he understands my body, and its incredibly exciting etc. etc. I really want some zest in my life.

 

But then, I have this incling that I'm doing the wrong thing. But I WANT TO DO IT SO MUCH.

 

I wish i had someone to tell me it's okay to go along with this, so that I wouldn't feel like I'm doing such a terrible thing. I need your views please

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If you already have a feeling that you're doing the wrong thing, then I suggest that you go with your gut feeling. He's asking you to be FWB. I'm not stating that it doesn't work out for some people, but with ex bf/ex gf's - they usually get complicated. Feelings get involved and one of you will eventually get hurt. Especially knowing he was your first love, and it took you so long to get over it. Do you really want to go back to square one? Trust me, it may be worst this time. There are plenty of other fishes out there in the sea, and I'm sure you will eventually find the right one for you.

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I second Jd1118. FWB with ex can get extremely complicated. So either reconcile with him completely or find a new guy. If you have tried reconciling many times, then find a new guy. There is no one perfect person for anyone, so there are plenty of guys out there.

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It doesn't sound like the issue is friendship and how much you "know" each other. It sounds like you "WANT TO DO IT SO MUCH." And by "it" I mean "have sex."

 

If he broke up with you because he claims that you took him for granted, this is only going to backfire in your face later on down the line when he blames you for manipulating him when one of you ends up getting hurt (hands up, who figures that's the way these things usually go?). I know you AREN'T manipulating him. But I can see the interpretation going that way.

 

I vote "resist the urge."

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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