Jump to content

So lost and confused...


Recommended Posts

1st off, I know its long, I'm sorry. But thank you for your time if you do read through the whole thing.


The last few days have driven me over the edge and back again. I feel like I want to die, like all this heartache is slowly killing me from the inside. I'm hurting like crazy but there's no cut or physical damage. Please, tell me what you guys think and what is your input on this whole situation of mine, I would greatly appreciate it. Any advice or opinion would be appreciated... even just a comfort post would be appreciated.


I've been in a relationship with "Jane" since December 2003. We met in high school and well, we just hit things off. We connected like we were meant for each other. Everything was going good. Life was fun. Yeah, we fought every now and then, but never about anything too serious or crazy enough to break up over.


Fast forward to January 2005, Jane had to leave the country, more specifically, she wanted to go back to her country for college, because for her it would be more cheap. I did my best to not let her go, I told her to move in with me, to stay, that I'll go with her, pretty much everything there was to it. She left regardless. I made her promise me that she'll always write letters or call, that way she'll keep in touch and wont forget about me.


Three long months past, I never heard from her. I'm the loyal romance type so I'll waited for her patiently while living my life out. A few days before the 4th month, she calls. I get her number, her aunt's number and her address. We talk for awhile and she breaks the news to me, she was pregnant with my child. The whole reason she left me in the beginning was to run away from her mom, who would have killed her if she found out that she was pregnant. Not for school or any other bull * * * * .


By that time, I was already working a minimum wage job, so I decided to send her money every check. And I continued to do that, every two weeks, after I deposited my check, I would send almost half to Jane. She would disappear once again for a few more months and then call me out of the blue on June 11th saying my daughter is born. I got to name my daughter. Let's call her Jr for now.


The next few months we would keep in contact regularly, talking once or twice a week, a letter every now and then with pictures. I would always send money, I would never fall short of that. Every now and then I would tease her, saying that she's only using me for money. Or I would ask her if she's cheating on me. She always promise me that she's being completely loyal, not looking or talking to any other guy. I was always loyal, never thought of anyone other than her. Then, I lose my job. Everything started to get rough again, money was tight and Bush wasn't helping. Jane would call asking for money to buy Jr's milk and diapers. While I was struggling, Jane sold her cellphone for money for Jr's milk and diapers. We didn't talk for awhile.


I finally get another decent job and sent my entire check to her that on payday. I love Jane and Jr more than anything, money isn't an object to stop my love and support. A few days past and we're talking again, she bought a cellphone. Life is like this for awhile, I work, Jane's at school and Jr's with Jane's aunt. Eventually Jane's mom goes there to visit and Jane disappears again. Just for two months. Once her mom came back to my country. Then Jane explained that her mom doesn't like me, nothing new since I'm not the same race or religion as her. We're both Asian, but from different parts. she's Catholic and I'm Christian, life goes on. Parents never like the boyfriends anyway. Regardless, Jane's mom is back here and Jane is still going to school and we're talking again.


Every now and then I would start begging her to come back, Jr's life would be way better in USA than where she is now. School can be affordable, I can help her. She would always refuse. Saying that she has to do this for her parents, that she wants to make them proud. Every now and then I still tease her about using me for money only or that she's cheating on me, which always end up in her telling me that she's been 100% loyal to me.


Fast forward to April 2009. From out of no where I lose my job. Life is getting really hectic and I can't find a job anywhere, Jane doesn't stop asking for money and I cant do anything. I move back in with my parents because I cant even afford my own rent. June 11, 2009 approaches, I'm still jobless and broke. Jr's 4th birthday is coming up, I need to do something fast. Once again, Jane sells her cellphone around May 27, 2009. That was the last time I talked to her. I wrote letters, 27 to be exact. Not a single response. I thought she had died or something had happen to Jr. I called her aunt, only to have her tell me Jane is in school and Jr is fine. Her aunt doesn't really understand English and would answer me in broken English. She was also at work, like all the time, so she wouldn't have time to talk to me and explain anything. Just that Jane and Jr is fine.


This is where I start to feel like my heart is being stabbed repeatedly by a knife. September 14, 2009. She emails me telling me that I can no longer contact her because she sold her phone. There's pictures attached to the email, of my daughter and of Jane. I feel so relived, everything is fine again. Boy was I wrong. The more I reread the email, the more I realize that Jane sounds a little cold here. Not once does she say that she loves me. Not once does she say that she misses me or needs me.


So I email her back telling her I love her and that I always will. I ask her if there's someone else in her life, I ask about my daughter, about everything. She responds with this, a direct quote from my email:


"i gave up...just be strong and move on. because i dont think we will become a family someday. our hopes and future planz are gone..blame it on me if you want.. i dont care anymore.. but ill try and keep trying to get your daugther there in the states.. dont worry about me anymore..ill just find a way to support your daugther...im tired of asking u for money because all i get is you telling me that i only contact you when i need money...or im with you just cause of your money... u dont know how much that hurts everytime u tell me that..i get mad at ur daugther all the time because shes the main reason why i have to ask you for money.. there are times i hate looking at her...but i am blessed to have her. im doing as much as i can to support her without asking you for money. even if it means of losing communication with you. and if it means of losing you. anywayz, like i said, dont worry about u and i anymore. im sure you'll find the right girl out there. and move on with your life. you deserve someone way better. who dont pressure you and gives you any problems."


I go crazy, what does she mean just give up and move on? I love her more than anything and I will gladly give up my life just to make sure that she's safe or happy, but for me to move on? It drives me crazy. I tell her that it is impossible for me up give up on us, that I will always love her no matter what. I told her to go buy a cellphone or borrow someone's, I need to hear her voice. I need her in my life. She just.. disappear. I don't hear from here again until the 15th, she calls me. I ask her what's wrong. Why would you do this to me, why would you want to end things with me? She says that it's because there's no more love between us. That she's moved on. That there's someone else. Because since we stopped talking, she started to have feelings for her teacher. And that just the final nail in my coffin. I started to freak out, I started to shake, I was hurting like I never felt before. After telling her that she can fix this, just leave him and I'll love her like no other. That her teacher can't possibly love her any close to as to how much I love her. She says that she doesn't want to fix things. After a few more minutes of crying and sobbing while telling her I love her, she says it back to me. She says that she loves me too.


Jane then goes on and tells me, she really wants to be with me, that she still loves me. She's only with her teacher because he's helping her get her VISA to come back to the states, that he's going to pay $1500 plus more for Jr so that she can come back. She tells me that before this guy, she's been 100% loyal to me and that she's only using him for money and nothing more. I ask her if there's feelings, she says that there is some feelings, but not love. She says that she's going to be back next year, that she's going to bring my daughter back to me. I tell her to just leave him, there's other ways to do this, she refuses to listen to me about anything, this is her way of doing things. She tells me that she loves me and that she doesn't want to be labeled as a cheater so that was why she wanted to end things, but when she realize how much I love her she couldn't do it. She had to hang up, her cousin was leaving on a business trip for two weeks, the only person with a cellphone.


At first I didn't care about anything, my baby said that she still loves me. Then when I start to think about it, there's a lot of loops in her story. Her mom said that she would pay for her trip back. Why didn't she contact me earlier? I started being nosy and searched her email on social networks, it rang back on friendster. Apparently she's married. The other guy looks way older. And its "tru luv." While going through the comments, I read something interesting. She replied to one of her friends, and this is a direct quote once again:


"dont have any set plans of when ill be hidding back in california and im not too excited about it any sooner. go with the flow langz meh."


So does that mean that she's not interested in coming back? And then I start to think about how she's manipulating the guy, she could easily be manipulating me, telling me that she loves me only so I would quiet down and calm down. She says that she never had sex with the guy, but she's been with him for 4 months already? She was with me for only three months before we got sexually active. What about Jr? I cant imagine her calling some other guy daddy.


I'm jobless... I'm hurting... I'm alone. Please, what do you guys think I should do? Should I just go along with her charade? I've already confronted her but she never emailed me back. Should I just reconsider my life and end things? What can I do? I feel like I've given up the most important part of my life for her. I feel like... like without her there is no point in living. I want to believe her, I seriously want to. But her lack of communication and the pictures of her with another guy seriously turns my gut inside out. I haven't slept well since this whole thing started. I don't know what to do, I barely have an appetite. Please... any advice or opinions would be deeply appreciated. Here's an example of my hopelessness, it's 6.26am where I'm at, I've been at this since 4.52am. Please, I'm begging you, any advice would be appreciated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How do you actually know that child is yours. Your ex is a very dishonest person and it wouldn't surprise me if the baby actually belongs to someone else and she is extracting money from you. You never had a paternity test so I wouldn't just assume this baby is yours. I think you need to get your own life in order and stop sending her money. I think she is swindling you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for your input.


I believe it is my child. She looks just like me. With the exception of her forehead looking like moms. The thing is, we used to be so good together and back in the early days, I know that she was completely honest and faithful to me. I feared that it wouldn't be my child for awhile, then I saw her picture. Without a doubt that is my flesh and blood. There would be no more swindling because I have no more money to give her, if that's the reason why she's doing what she's doing, then I guess I'm just left to suffer for it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Friend you are in a very tough situation.

Firstly she as a mother needs to put all this BS about making her Mom proud to one side and be a mother first. I do find it very fishy that she is not coming back because of school or whatever. If she truly loved you, she would come back. Please don't find excuses for this... Not much if anything can stop true love, and she is not feeling it for you back.


I will be honest and tell you I highly doubt the child is yours, but that's my thought.

You see she is married!!! no set plans to come back, she is using the child as a source of money. Please answer this....Is she from Eastern Europe / Moldova etc??? some of these women can be professional cheats and scammers, and I promise you they are not backwards in technology etc. I work with lots of girls from these countries and some are nice, and some tear up men drain them dry, and then kick their sorry ass to the curb, and laugh about it. I am in the UK FYI. They are extremely beautiful and they know it and some abuse it.


You now have to take steps to

1. Ensure the child is yours

2. Find out what is going on.


You must tell her, that she must come back to the USA or you go to her and that you want a test for the child (She will * * * * * , but so what you got to know friend) and you want to know what is going on. You want to be a family and you love her and will take care of her. If this is met with any resistance then walk away but find out about the child. You may have to get some sort of agency or federal agency involved but make those steps, You have rights.


Do not let love cloud you on this one, you must make sure.

I wish you luck friend.



Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here's an update to things. Well, not much of an update, just more of an... ignoring. Ever since this past Wednesday, I haven't got in contact with her at all. My emails and phone calls go unanswered. It's like she just disappeared again. And I'm hurting all over again as well.




What you say is very true, if it was really true love then very little can stop us from being together. It's just that I felt like we were meant to be together. I had everything planned out. Plus I did my part as her boyfriend and our baby's father. I never stopped loving either one of them, never did anything to jeopardize the relationship.


As for the Jr being mine, like I said before, she is without a doubt my baby. If I could, I would post pictures of me and Jane and Jr, you can defiantly see that she is our daughter.


To answer your question, no she is not from Eastern Europe. She's from Philippines. And she won't just come back to the US because there's penalty fees that she has to pay because she stayed out of the US for almost 5 years. At least that's her story.


I know that baby is mine, I'm just not so sure about our future anymore. That's the thing. Plus knowing that my loved one is loving some one else is just eating me from the inside. I'm trying my best not to let my love for her cloud my judgment, but what more can I do? I can't stop thinking about her, at this point it seems that leaving her isn't an option I can consider.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hate to break it to you, but she is a con woman.


She is cheating of your money and lying to you in order to get it. She has been doing so for years and hanging your baby over your head in order to do so. And you have been fooled all these years, and thousands of dollars later.


She is married, she does not love you, and she has no want to ever see you again.


I'm so sorry all of this has happened to you. But you need to move on as well and find a woman who wouldn't be so duplicitous to you.


You have to leave her. You should no longer give her money anymore. She is with someone else who can support her. You are no longer "needed" to her anymore. And you need to realize this sooner than later.


Please don't get fooled by her again. She is scamming you of your time and money. Spend your time and money on a woman who will appreciate it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch T...
Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch This!


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...