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KG

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Not really looking for advice, just commenting, I guess.

 

I talked on the phone with the woman who is coming up this weekend. It seemed to her it was all about the sex. But after some time, she admitted her self esteem problems, from her abusive ex, and admitted she is having trouble letting her guard down.

 

She wants something out of this, but worries she will push me away, if she can't get comfortable, or trust me.

 

I told her that my shopping list before she gets here has " Flowers for _____" at the top, and "Durex condoms" at the bottom, doesn't that say something about my honesty?

 

We hung up, she was in tears....she can't wrap her mind around an honest guy wanting to be with her, not just a FB.

 

This is going to take some work, but I don't mind. Wish me luck.....

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When she says it is all about sex..does that mean it is all about sex for her that she is just looking for sex..or does she think it is all about sex for you? I am not quite sure what the rush is to have sex. It sounds to me like both you are feeling some kind of pressure to have sex with each other just because she is coming down for this party. I assume this is the woman you like and not the other one where it was indeed just all about sex. It sounds to me like this pressure to have sex is almost ruining the comfort level the two of you have. All this expectation of doing the deed...all the focus on doing the deed, rather than focusing on furthering the emotional bond and getting to know each other better. What's the rush to have sex this weekend? If she has self esteem issues and hang ups and trouble letting her guard down, having sex right off the bat is not going to change any of that. Only time will change it as both of you get more comfortable with each other. So why not make this weekend all about getting to know each other's minds rather than the bodies. If this is meant to be there will always be time for sex later on..why rush things..why not truly develop the rapport this weekend and make this weekend all about enjoying each other's company and furthering the trust and the bond..rather than all about sex. I think that would certainly take the pressure off both of you.

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^^^I called her after I posted...we agreed that "together time" needs to be addressed, not just jumping into bed. So we're going to go 4-wheeling and kayaking Saturday afternoon, followed by a BBQ and fire at my house. We'll let things take their course after that, but we need to be in each others company for awhile first.

 

The pressure to do it is a defense mechanism, she admitted, from letting her feelings come to the surface. And she admitted there are feelings there, and are confusing her.

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KG,

You are handling this great!

It seems she thinks the only thing she has to offer is her body. I think it is very good that you are being so upfront with her and perhaps she will open up more to you. It does suck that you are paying the price for some loser that treated her badly. Stay who you are and she will see you are not just playing her to get in her pants.

 

My fingers are crossed or this weekend. Good luck

 

Lost

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KG, you seem like such an amazing guy!

 

and you're handling this perfectly - she's in the hands of a great guy who won't hurt her.

 

Your date sounds like so much fun and I hope it turns out in your favor..have fun!

 

She is very wary, and uses the sex as a defense mechanism. We talked for a long time last night, and she is coming to grips with having feelings come to the surface.

But she is worth it, such a great gal.

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She is coming off a mentally abusive relationship, 9 months ended. And is having trouble thinking someone finds her desireable except for sex. So the intimacy will take a "back burner" to our getting close.

 

KG i can really relate to how she is feeling....

 

it tears you up when you meet someone nice but know that there is no way you can give any of yourself to that person.

 

my advise.. show her that you want to be her friend- let her know you are attracted to her...but make being her friend your first priority before anything physical.

 

let her lead the way in that department.

 

and get ready for a road of ups and downs- push and pulls.

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aw KG, you are such a great caring guy. i agree with the others, go slow, go have some fun with her, and hopefully she will see that you are after more than just sex.

 

Actually, it was she who was pushing for sex, I'm trying to slow it down.

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Actually, it was she who was pushing for sex, I'm trying to slow it down.

 

oh yes, what i was trying to say is that i hope she sees you as you are - a great caring guy who is interested in a relationship vs. just another player who will get out if she doesn't put out.

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She's Not Texting Me Like She U...
She's Not Texting Me Like She Used To

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