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Disagreement in case child has anomaly


MrRight

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During an unplanned move, girlfriend got pregnant. This would be our second child. We have had some serious disagreements and relationship was going so and so.

 

Then during regular pregnancy tests, doctors find newborn very likely would suffer serious anomalies and deffects at birth.

 

She is religious and wants to keep the baby no matter how bad the anomaly is.

 

I am for science, and given that a child with severe spinal problems is to be born, inside me I could not accept the fact the child would suffer for the rest of his/her life.

 

Then more recently doctor tells me the pregnancy is risking mother's life and he recommends it should be ended and apparently she has agreed to proceed with abortion. The prospects of maintaining a severely disabled child suffering it was the most scary moments of my freaking life. Not only that one the hardest thing, but watching the woman making me something I did not like scared me to the freaking hell out of me!

 

Question:

Do you agree that people with disagreements on how to handle such situation, people should not have children together and or even better, should not marry to begin with?

 

Now she is talking about trying another baby after this pregnancy is ended, but for God's sake I don't think I will get into a pregnancy again with a person that totally disagrees with me when it comes to maintain or end pregnancy in case of severe deseases.

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Question:

Do you agree that people with disagreements on how to handle such situation, people should not have children together and or even better, should not marry to begin with?

 

Now she is talking about trying another baby after this pregnancy is ended, but for God's sake I don't think I will get into a pregnancy again with a person that totally disagrees with me when it comes to maintain or end pregnancy in case of severe deseases.

 

I think in an ideal world (which obviously none of us live in), people who are planning to get married and have children together should cover the "heavy" issues such as this one ahead of time. I wonder if marriage counseling typically addresses this type of issue (?) - not sure.

 

I can definitely see how disagreement on an issue like this would put a huge wedge between a couple. The difficulty though is where do you draw the line? The list of possible problems an unborn child can be found to have is probably quite long - so which ones would be considered acceptable vs. unacceptable. That is where I think it would be tough for a couple to reach an agreement. It would be hard to have planned ahead for every possible outcome.

 

I think your feelings of being wary of going ahead with another pregnancy given what has happened this time seem well-founded. Hopefully you and your girlfriend can use this situation to talk in more depth about these issues and reach a mutual common ground before you embark on getting pregnant again.

 

Good luck!

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This is one of the biggies and I would demand that any partner and I be on the same page on this one. I am willing to bet there is a wedge growing between the two of you because of this. Sad, but it happens. I don't see how you could ever take the chance on getting her pregnant again. There is no right or wrong here, just a major disagreement that can't be settled by compromise.

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