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3 weeks NC broken by my ex. Plz advise.


baxxter
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

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OK, I have been posting my story in Healing After Break Up or Divorce;

 

 

 

as I was really trying to move on and be OK, but just need some more advices on this so moved over here.

 

I got dumped a month ago by my ex over the issues of my ex fling larking around me (I did not cheat). 1 week later I wrote him a really nice email stating;

1. I didn't cheat,

2. I miss him,

3. I thank him for everything he's given / done for me,

4. I did what I did only for us yet apologize for hurting him.

 

2 weeks of no reply I was haunted by demons of "maybe he didn't get the email" so txted him, breezily asking if he received it because it means a lot if he read it, have a nice day.

 

1 week no reply I finally felt ok-ish, thinking, "what a cold hearted bxxtard! am better off."

 

then on the 7th day he emails me, saying;

 

Thank you for the email and txt, thought email was nice,

I ask you to know that you are a great person,

so much to offer a guy,

you just need to cut off ties with the guy, he is not a good news.

By the way I got another contract, starting next week.

Take care.

(Edited a little for anonymity.)

 

I thought it was one of the nicest emails anyone ever sent to me. And I wasn't expecting for him to do anything like this as he was so unemotional when we were together.

 

I am not exactly saying I'd do anything to win this guy back, as I am slowly accepting that we are over. But I still care for him deeply and wish we never broken up.

 

My friends say the email means nothing, don't write to him because that makes you look weak, don't hold hope high, ignore him...

 

All I wonder now is that IF, and I mean IF, I have any chance left with him what should I do?

 

1. Should I ignore? If so wouldn't that make him pxxsed off?

2. Should I just thank him? but not asking for anything else?

3. or do I play a massive chasing game with him now despite fully aware of the slim chance barely there?

 

I know I have asked this all before but any opinion welcome, for the last time. I have sort of decided what to do already, but keep second guessing myself...

 

Thank youuuu x

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It sounds to me like he didn't want to just ignore you so he sent you an email thanking you and telling you it was nice. I don't think you need to send him a thank you for sending you a thank you. I think he cares about you but is extremely skittish to get back involved with you because of the cheating situation. I know you didn't cheat but in this case his perception is what counts. He FEELS cheated on so that is the over-riding feeling right now. Very hard to get past this. I would suggest you continue giving him time and space to process his feelings. Maybe in a month or so you can send a quick email asking him how he is doing, but not too much else. No pressure. I know it's not fair but it is what it is. I wish you much luck and happiness.

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I'm not familiar with your situation. Did you meet somebody straight after you two broke up? When he said the other guy is bad news, was he referring to somebody else?

 

If you did meet somebody straight after him, he may feel cheated on, in which case, will not be in a hurry to get back with you. If you want to get back with him, you would have to re-instill his trust, which will require a bit of hard work.

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I did not meet anyone. It has only been 4 weeks, and I want my ex back, I have no interest in other guys and that was what I have been trying to prove to my ex all along.

 

I was seeing a guy, let's call him Al, on and off for years, who became a person who thinks he can drop by at ANY time suites him. I broke it off and started seeing my ex. One night while he was with me Al started txting me, asking if he can come by. I said no, I am with someone. Al came around anyway. My ex got so upset he went away for weeks.

 

He then came back and said it was a weird situation to be in and he needed some time to think. I said Al is and a-hole and he does this sort of thing even I refuse to see him for months on end.

 

Me and my ex had a fight one night and he told me to give him some space, I left him alone, and he came back after a few days. But the night before he did so Al came around unannounced! (First time since mentioned above.) It was late and was afraid that Al would make a scene, so I let him in, to have a proper chat. I told him that I am now with someone who I deeply care for, and I have no desire to be with AL in any form, so he has to go, and he did. Nothing happened.

 

This was a good thing in my head, I got rid of my tainted past for good!

 

My ex visited me the following night, then asked me what I was doing the night before, so I told him. I had nothing to hide, but my ex took it REALLY badly. He then said he needed some time to think. Went away for a week, then came back and broke up with me.

 

I guess it was a bad timing. And I guess we probably weren't meant be. I think Al thing was so trivial. He doesn't. I wish he could see it but it's his right to see things in his way, I guess.

 

I miss him. I want to do the best ting here, for myself, and for him.

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Boy, Al really mucked up the situation. How long were you with the ex that you want back? I think he should have had some sense of who you are and that you wouldn't cheat on him. Unless you just started dating or he has some old baggage related to cheating. I know you feel like the innocent victim in all this (I would too) but you just have to sit tight while the ex processes all this. Guys are very funny about thinking they have been cheated on, even more than women I think.

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Boy, Al really mucked up the situation. How long were you with the ex that you want back? I think he should have had some sense of who you are and that you wouldn't cheat on him. Unless you just started dating or he has some old baggage related to cheating. I know you feel like the innocent victim in all this (I would too) but you just have to sit tight while the ex processes all this. Guys are very funny about thinking they have been cheated on, even more than women I think.

 

Hi x

 

We were together for less than 6 months. Not that long, I know.

 

And I do think he has some trusting issues with women, but who doesn't? I feel like am being punished for having casual sex with 1 regular partner for many years. Maybe I brought it on to myself. Maybe it's the heaven telling me I am a bad person. Maybe he is overreacting. I don't know...

 

I have sort of decided to say thank you to his thank you, not mentioning reconciliation... but feeling that I am not ready to do that, so still sitting tight, dwelling on things...

 

Seems like most ppl think I shouldn't reply. Maybe I shouldn't. Still thinking...

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As SuperDave would say, if you do nothing, you can't screw it up. At the very beginning of my breakup, this one line of advice helped me A LOT! Sometimes we do something thinking it will have a particular outcome and it has the opposite effect. You never know so sitting tight can be the best option despite how hard it is to do.

 

And you're not a bad person....the heavens are not retaliating! There isn't one person on the planet who hasn't played the fool.

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Hi actzipild,

 

thank you so much for your words. I know for a fact that he never keeps in touch with his exes so I think he wants more than just to catch up, but am not holding my breath. And I certainly will follow your advice on not pressurize him.

 

OK, wish me luck x

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OK, he just left.

 

He asked me back. We talked about what went wrong. He wanted to do more than talking. I said no.

 

So we are going out on Sat, it's a date.

 

I am going to start afresh. Do-over.

 

Thank you so much for all the advices, you all helped me through this and made me so strong. It was the best discovery made when I learned that there are ppl out there suffering just as the same as I was. I felt united and stable after knowing that.

 

Good luck to you all, and thanks again x

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