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Very long story but please read, i need your guys advice :(


zoe111

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Sorry about this might take a while but going to try and make it as simple as possible. Split up with the love of my life (been together 8 months, he was my first and everything) We went two weeks no contact, he broke it, i stupidly gave in.

 

We met up last night first time since break up about 3 weeks, went for a few drinks - the friendship soical side of it was perfect, but he admitted obviously he still has strong feelings for me. We were up until about 2am this morning talking about us. We did have sex ](*,) and spoke about us again this morning. We agreed between us we were better off without each other relationship wise but we still want to be friends. I know he would never go back to me, he wouldnt hug me this morning said last night was the last intimate time we would have. I am left crying today - but he hasnt done anything wrong He wants to meet up everytime his in the area including again tonight i think and hang out as friends (i think he does like somebody else). Id love to be friends with him he is a funny, nice lad. He is moving so will only be in the area one or 2 days a week. I am so confused, i want the friendship but yet i cant handle not wanting him as more. But i get the sense i never want him to forget about me (as i know even when im like 80 im never going to forget my 'first' time). So i dont want to say no to the friendship, But i cant let him not forget about me without being 'needy' even as a friend im going to want to speak to him all the time etc, and i dont know if he realises this He is still my everything and im having to handle risking being nothing to him. I know this needs to be done deep down and you guys ill say this but i just needed to let it all out. Good mind to write this down and show him, i am usless with words, just end up crying at min while talkin to him about just being friends, he doesnt get why it cant be simpe

 

Any wise words or advice would be appreachiated x

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Poor you! =( Unrequited love is the worst, and being intimate with the unrequiter, as you obviously must know, only makes things crueler. Thankfully for you, he is moving soon, so that he can be out of your life and you can finally carry on. I was in the same situation about half a year ago, where my ex-boyfriend liked someone else (though I didn't know at the time because he lied about it) whilst I was hopelessly in love with him and desperate to have him back. I remember one night in particular when I got ridiculously drunk and ended up at his place where we ended up having sex. The next day was beyond horrible. Not only was I hungover as hell, but I could tell by the way he acted towards me that he was absolutely not in love with me. He basically, in the kindest way possible, sent me on my way, and I later texted him "I love you" and he never replied. I was crushed beyond words. So take it from someone who has been there, do your best to keep your distance. It may be enjoyable then and there, but afterwards, it will hurt like hell.

 

Oh, and may I ask how come y'all broke up? Is there really no chance of reconciliation? And why do you suspect that he likes someone else?

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Thank you for replying sadly the only one

We broke up due to him cheating on me and lying/along with alot of roumers i just couldnt handle it anymore so i do not want to get back with him no. Although it isnt Unrequited love as he does want to be with me again just claims he doesnt want to put pressure on me so has decided/with my help ](*,) that being friends is the way forward. I just cant handle being friends with him as i love him but i dont want to turn down the offer incase i never hear from again as i love/need him His offer of best friends involves going out for meals etc though kinda like we are dating again so maybe its a good thing and will help regain trust, but i dont trust him to keep up the friendship after all this. I have very low self esteem and know i should risk it and hope he does keep it up/it goes well but ive lost everyone ive had a bond with in my life and really dont want to go back to NC with the love of my life.

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I honestly cannot bring myself to let go of him, his been there through so much and is otherwise a great lad other than that one mistake. Being my first i will remember him forever and i guess thats why i would like a good friendship to come out of it rather than regret him all together just dont want to be hurt again, wish i hadnt of slept with him last night but i am glad we know where we both stand now as being friends, even if i dont like that decision Dont know what i want forgive, friends, nothing - everyone has positives and negatives, need to sort myself out. but like i said he is moving v.soon so will only be in my area 1-2 days a week so that should make things easier if we stay friends

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Oh, I misunderstood the situation. Seeing as you say you don't know what you want, perhaps you shouldn't completely cut him out of your life, although a break might do you some good. Perhaps you could take some time apart from each other, just like a week or two, where you strictly stick to NC (and obey it this time! =p), so you can have some time for yourself to figure things out. Are you considering getting back together? And what about the friends thing? Could that really work? To me, it sounds like there are too many romantic feelings for y'all to be friends right now, so if that is what you are considering, then I think you need to wait a while and let those feelings die down before the friends thing is even worth trying. Because all it is doing right now is intensifying y'alls feelings for each other and making sure they stay in check. To be friends, you need to get over each other, and to get over each other, you need to stay a way from each other. I doubt he will "forget" you, and if he does, then he wasn't worth it anyway...

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Cut him out of your life. Set up NC in some way (try to make it as unemotional as you can, so he doesn't just think you are making "on the spot decisions") and try to carry on with your life. It'll be hard, but trust me, it's for the better for YOU.

 

You need to realise at some point that you are MUCH better than he is, and can and should do MUCH better than him.

 

My ex wanted to be friends ("best friends") after the breakup, and I tried for a bit.... then found out she lied to me every time I asked if there was another guy... then found out that when I finally got info about how long she'd been seeing the other guy, it was still all lies... I am still unsure of the actual truth (about ANYTHING in our relationship), but I am sure of only two things: 1) I love her madly still, but 2) I'm better off without that sort of person in my life.

 

She was the best friend I have ever had (or so I thought and hope), and it kills me to maybe be losing that friend... but it's not healthy for me to even try to get that back when she's not 100% into it. All you will do is end up hurting yourself a LOT more if you try to continue that (trust me).

 

If he really wants to be your friend, let him pursue it and do all the legwork... You should focus on you and not him.

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