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5 years...just gone. lost and don't know how to deal..


sleepyperson

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Hey guys…it’s the first time I’m posting here. This is going to be kind of long so I apologize if it gets too tedious..

 

My 5 year relationship just recently ended…Some background information. My boyfriend and I were high school sweethearts and we’re 22. We broke up once during our relationship at the 2 year period. Anyhow…we fight a lot over petty things, I guess when you have been with the same person for 5 years, things get a big too comfortable. I’m getting licensed soon in a fairly good job and he unfortunately doesn’t have any support from his parents and just has been struggling with his career...He’s been working at this place for a long time and was hoping for a promotion so he wouldn’t be getting minimum wage and 2 weeks ago he finds out he wasn’t getting a job. He hid that from me…and when I found out he said that he was afraid I’d be disappointed, which I was but I was completely supportive and encouraging.

 

My ex had this problem..where when we fight he’d just run out on me and don’t talk to me for a week or however long he feels like, he says it upsets him to talk to me and hurts and he needs time to himself. I’ve compromised to the point where I just wanted a nice text from him and some kind of assurance that we are still in this together. I’ve always been willing to work through anything with him, I love him more than anything.. But he just couldn’t do it, he’d send me nasty text messages when he gets mad and storms off. Every time he does that which in the past year has been about once a month or more, I feel like he was breaking up with me. One time he storms off and I ran after him barefoot..i could feel my feet hurting from stepping on rocks on campus, but he didn’t care..he told me to get out of the way and almost ran me over.

 

A week and half ago, we got into a fight and he threw my apartment key at me. So I took my key back. I hated how he always would throw my key at me when he gets mad at me..he got really mad and picked up his things and said he’s never going to come back. Two nights later, he calls me drunk…I begged him..I kept begging him to tell me where he was because I was worried. He finally told me and I went to pick him up. He was so wasted…it hurt to look at him. I went to his work the next day and gave him my key back…I caved. I just wanted him to be happier with me. He didn’t call me for 2 days and didn’t show up to my birthday…like he promised. Two days after, he texts me and said we needed to talk and I was at the movies with a friend. When I didn’t respond fast enough, he texted me again and said “guess not”. I called him as soon as I could, we talked briefly..he sounded anxious and he was starting to get defensive. I didn’t want him to say something that he’d regret and I said we should just talk later when he calmed down a bit. He texted me after we got off the phone and said no, we won’t. I asked him if he was breaking up with me…and he said he needs to fix his life and that’s his number 1 priority now. He didn’t give me a definite answer. He kept saying he didn’t even know what he’s doing with his life anymore. Im so..fed up, I’m so tired of him walking out on me. I asked for my key back, he didn’t respond. He texted me and said I have his heart…etc.

 

I can’t take this anymore, this constant roller coaster. I’m not perfect, I feel like this is all my fault. I should have not complained as much as I did, I should have encouraged him more…I don’t know. I understand that we can’t keep looking back, but I can’t help but feel like there was something I could have done differently so things wouldn’t be like this. We were so happy…I know he’s going through a hard time right now, but two people that love each other should work things out no matter what right..maybe I’m just stupid and watched too many Disney movies growing up. I didn’t try to contact him after that phone call. Today I woke up, and got 2 voicemails from him, rambling, I think he’s drunk..i don’t know. He kept saying that he loves me but he’s so unhappy with his life and he’s sorry he can’t make me happy. Something about he doesn’t know who he is anymore etc…I didn’t listen to the whole thing I just pressed delete..after I felt like my vision was fogging up.

 

Sometimes I feel like maybe he doesn’t love me anymore, why would you give up someone you love…ever. I would have done anything for him…What should I do…I know I shouldn’t talk to him anymore. But I kept hoping maybe he would come back, which this time, I know he’s not. I’m delusional…

 

I don’t even know why I posted this I guess I just need some insight…has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do…why wouldn’t he give me back my key and yet don’t want to be with me. I wish he would just get out of my head…I've tried so hard to keep myself busy with friends and family but everything just seem so meaningless and the thought of never being with him again just kills me..

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You deserve someone who loves you 100%. Who doesnt disappear on you, nearly run you over with his car, throw keys at you and treat you however he pleases.

 

He sounds very immature, and you dont deserve to be contantly in this emotional limbo. I'd shock him. If he comes back. Tell him you don't want him back. The ball is in your court.

 

Until he makes changes I wouldnt even consider talking to him again.

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Why would you chase after him like that??

Honey this relationship sounds completely unhealthy. He sounds like a tool, honestly. Not even showing up for your birthday.

 

He is obviously NOT stable and you should get your key back. I understand that 5 years is a long time at your age but his behavior is ridiculous and childish, and chasing him down barefoot isn't the key to a lasting stable relationship.

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Not wanting to sound negative but the high school sweethearts thing usually have an expiry date, your needs and goals grow as you get older and the teenage relationships don't progress into adult relationships.

 

You end up with memories of how things use to be and try to wonder why things are different. The truth is when you started dating life was much much simpler. None of the grownup stuff applied.

 

You've done nothing wrong and you shouldn't be blaming yourself for the way he's turned out, he's an adult and he made his own decisions. This isn't an example of a normal adult relationship, skipping a birthday? I would have got my ass handed to me if I'd done that.

 

Change your locks and tell him it's over, this isn't a healthy adult relationship and you deserve so much more than his tantrums.

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Throwing your keys at you and not even showing up for your birthday.. Wow, what a loser. If this is causing you too much stress, break it off with him and find someone that treats you nice. It's clearly the high school dating has worn out now and it's time for both you and him to move on with your own life...

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