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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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Two years ago today, I realized I was in love with you. We had only been dating two months (weren't even "official" yet), but you stirred something within me.

 

You know, as foolish as this may sound (and I know it sounds foolish), I have a feeling we'll still end up together. It's going to be a while, though.

 

Miss you, C.

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today, im tired. what i wouldn't give to be in your nook, cuddling. not even speaking. not even fooling around. nothing. just my body & your body... resting together. i miss you so bad, it's hard to breathe. im terrified this is never going to get better. wake up. it's me.

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you are killing me. do you know that? i just look for guys that fit your physical profile, big arms and someone who looks protective and strong who's sweet to me at the same time. I miss you. I look for your qualities in other people. I feel like no one compares to you, the connection I feel with other people isn't as strong and I feel like no one is good enough right now. Do you miss me? I'm giving you the space you want and need, and I'm trying and pushing myself to put a large amount of distance between you and I, but every step i'm taking to do it makes me miss you even more. Last night I kept waking up after I got home, I would just wake up hurting, like i couldn't breathe, the tightness in my chest was overwhelming. I know i'm not ready to do the things I'm doing. I need you, I need to see your face, I need to feel your arms around me, I need to lay next to you and breathe in your scent, I need you to make all of this go away. I don't even recognize myself right now. This isn't me. I'm not talking about who I was when we were in a relationship, I don't even know me right now. I'm trying to set it right with myself, but I need your help to stabilize things and help calm me down.

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I had a dream about you last night (or maybe it was this morning). Anyway, what I remember most was what you said when you were speaking directly from your heart. You said about our former relationship, "I was playing with you and I was not playing with you." I understand how that could be the truth as you see it, but I see it differently and always will. You were playing with me and I will never trust you again.

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I miss you a lot babe, went out tonight with friends everyone asking how you were, only I didn't tell them how I really felt or about the situation because I still have hope that things will be fine and didn't have the guts to say that we were taking a break because it is hard for me to even say. I feel with each day of no contact, we are getting farther apart and I hate that so much. When you get home next weekend from your vacation, are you going to call? Will you finally realize that your vacation wasn't justification for a break. I hope you finally know what you what when I see you again, I want to hold your hands, I want to kiss your lips. I feel silly because in my mind I am lamenting this and you are probably out having a ball, I hope I still cross your mind when you are alone with your thoughts. I Miss you W.

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Family was over today. Last time we talked (like 3 weeks ago?), I told you that I didn't tell my family what you did. You seemed glad. Well, I finally did tell them everything you did...even about my cousin's shoes...yeah...kinda embarrassing, huh? That pretty much guarantees we won't ever get back together. My family hates you. My nephew even says that you seemed like a fake all along, to be honest. But he said my ex fiance was cool and he even visits him at work now. Weird how I went backwards instead of forward. I had a decent man and then I found a sociopath. Well, you were the one who pursued me, so I can't say I sought you out. I hope you don't try to come by while I'm out because you are going to have a very cold reception...if you are even are allowed on the premesis. I almost wish I didn't say anything, but it was time to tell them what happened. Sorry. Not.

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You contacted me last night on Skype. Oh, what a rush of excitement I had, even though you were just asking if I was okay in response to my pm.

 

Somehow, when I had to go, I couldn't help but let the words, "I miss you" slip out of my lips. All I wanted was to hear you say, "I miss you too...". But that never came. You just ignored my "I miss you".

 

Now what? Now I feel stupid. Now I am still stuck with questions such as: Do you miss me? Do you still have feelings for me? (I highly doubt the second one though.)

 

Sigh...

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This? SUCKS.

 

I'm seeing The New Guy tomorrow and all I can think about is you. You and your eyes, your smile, your warmth.

 

I know you did things that weren't right. I didn't deserve to be yelled at in the bathing suit store and I didn't deserve to be spoken down to like I am a child.

 

But I can't let go of you. We talked about getting married, our wedding, raising our children.

 

You can't discuss those things with me and later tell me you did that because you wanted to "taste" how it felt.

 

I miss you. I miss you so badly right now that it's taking all of my might not to scream and cry because of it. My body is tense and my throat is tight from holding in tears.

 

I miss you, C. I miss you so much and this isn't fair.

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I wish I could talk to you, you haven't called me at all since our break started which is understandable but I still miss you so much, it has been 2 weeks and some change and i can't believe we don't talk anymore. I am keeping myself positive by hoping that this time will give you a chance to think about us and make you realize that you really do want to be with me. I hope you know what you want by the time I see you, people tell me that I might have to restart our whole relationship and get you to fall for me again but that just sucks, if you would of worked at us more it would of been fine. I feel so silly somedays because I feel like it's just me who thinks about us, do you even think about me? I hope so.

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I dread church this morning. You seem to have dropped out of Sunday CoEd Bible Study, so I probably won't have to see you there...but if you do show up with "her," then I'm going to have to sit in a small circle with you for an hour..not something I am looking forward to! If you do bring her, I will have to drop out and join Women's Bible Study instead. I really don't want to do that because the women are elderly (no offense to them) and I can't really relate to their issues (I am around elderly people all week as it is). So I hope you don't come anymore because I don't want to interact with you.

Please, please, please just stay away from me. I don't love you and don't want you back anymore. I wanted you to apologize, but I doubt I'll ever get a sincere apology from you anyway, so unless you're going to try to understand my feelings and make peace, then just stay away from me forever.

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Why didn't you reply to my text on Wednesday? I was weak when i sent it. I initially text to ask you to look after the cats for a few days and yet that never ventured in to the text. I miss you like crazy and although i think i have been doing not too bad the past few days, today has hit me like a tonne of bricks again. Who or what is distracting your thoughts away from me / us? You're never strong enough to do anything so why does it seem you're strong enough to block me out? Or are you? For all i know you've drank yourself in to oblivion and are constantly stoned like the last time. I just don't know.

 

I shouldn't be missing you at all. I should be glad you're gone but i can't help missing you and hoping you'll contact me again some day. You said we had a bond. You said you couldn't imagine life without me and this was when we got back together the last time when you even said it was going to take a lot of work to get our issues resolved.

 

The text on wednesday was weakness. The fact you never even acknowledge it was punnishment enough for me to leave you be. I don't even know if you have the same number anymore. I haven't tried to call it or anything. I'm now back at 4 days NC but i'm stronger this time and no moment of weakness will get that bad that i will text you again. This time, if you come back looking to make things work I'm not going to go easily if at all! You cannot continue to treat me like sh*t on your shoes...like i'm a toy. No more!

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Well, I didn't have to see you. Did you go back to Disneyland? Or are you two fooling around at your house while your family is at church? It makes my stomach churn to think about. I should not think about this. I know it. I have an interview tomorrow, church tonight, Sunday School to teach, and I'm hanging out with 2 different people this week. Those should distract me. I also have lots of other things I could be doing as well...

 

It's hard, though, knowing that your absence means bonding with this woman. Yes, you are choosing her over church, so in the end it probably won't go over well, but what if you end up getting married and having kids? What if you decide to go to therapy and change and become a better man for her? What if you have her join the church and get baptized? OUR church? How can I, as a Christian, say that I won't accept that? I HAVE to accept that! I don't have a choice there.

 

I know it will all work out. If I'm meant to be single, I'll be. If I'm meant to have a husband, God will provide me with one. I just need to get through this RIGHT NOW.

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I wish your new girlfriend would drop dead. Actually I wish all the girls, boys, and any living thing around you would drop dead, that way you'd be completely alone and couldn't be distracted by others. I wish you had NO support system, and actually had to DEAL with your feelings rather than just get a new girl.

 

You'd be forced to think about me/our break up/how you treated me and you'd have to experience and deal with the same pain I feel each day. My wish will never come true, but I hope one day that you really suffer.

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What an terrible weekend I have had I'll be glad to get back to work !! Did you have a good weekend ? Did you think about me at all ? I haven't stopped thinking about you for more than 5 mins at a time. Did I do the right thing walking away ? Will you ever contact me ? I'm just lost without you. I miss you so much it's wrecking my head. I just wish you would get out of my head. No contact is supposed to make it better, but it's not working. Are you happy that I'm not contacting you ? Probably. Your probably glad I'm not contacting you so you don't have to think about me and what we have both lost. when is it going to stop hurting ?

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I keep wondering if you will call me. I barely even use my cell phone anymore now that we don't talk or text, i don't even care about having it with me because it makes me feel like crap not seeing a message or phone call from you, i don't even carry it with me because of that. I wish you knew how I felt, you all of sudden told me you weren't sure how you felt about me, you almost tried to break up with me over text message, that makes me so angry. I love you so much as a person but you make me so mad about how you never gave US a chance, you just decided you wanted to enjoy your vacation and holding down a relationship was "too much." I don't even feel like the confident guy I used to be because of all this, the man I was when I met you is having to rebuild because of how you tore me apart over these last two weeks. I miss you so much and I just want to hold you hands again, stay up until 2 am talking, I really miss US, I hope you do too.

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