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Nynnja
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Hey I really love your post.. sums up how i felt too.I'm 36 and female as well.I was reayd to make afuture with my ex too but he threw it all away after I moved my life to be with him.I miss his handsome face too hugs

 

I loved him more than he knew...why

 

Thanks sunday. It's just so hard right now to move forward but I know you and I can do it. Time does help the healing process. Hang in there and one day you will find someone who will never give up on you and love you no matter what. *hugs*

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I started thinking about you again today. I hate how I can't get over you. I'm so furious at you and the way you treated me but the fact that I'm still feeling anything means I have a long ways to go. I'm dreading moving back onto campus because it means I will start running into you again, and I don't know if I'm ready.

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he really knows how to make me feel like nothing.

he took every bit of hope i had in life and he gets away with acting the big guy even though he left me when i had my miscarrige .now he has some blonde bimbo on his arm and goes holidaying with her while i suffer from depression.aaaaaaaaaaaaahh

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Thanks sunday. It's just so hard right now to move forward but I know you and I can do it. Time does help the healing process. Hang in there and one day you will find someone who will never give up on you and love you no matter what. *hugs*

 

 

I completely agree with Sunday... you summed up my feelings in your post. Even half a year out I feel lingering issues with this. You obviously have a big heart and deserve someone who can share it.

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I know I still have this picture up as my avatar and the one in my profile. I remember that day and how happy I felt being in your arms. It was one of the best days I've ever had. I'm so sad that I will never have that again. No matter what negative things people say, I will always cherish the wonderful times we shared. You were my best friend. I still love you very much Rick. I wish you could hold me again and make the pain go away.

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I completely agree with Sunday... you summed up my feelings in your post. Even half a year out I feel lingering issues with this. You obviously have a big heart and deserve someone who can share it.

 

Thank you brandnewday! Right now, my heart feels like a big pile of mush.

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you keep contacting me with pointless text messages to see if I'll respond, and you talk to me at work about things that aren't work related. You are trying to either break me, or use me for what you no longer have from me. You realize that I was your rock, and you can't go this part of life all alone. Well, it goes both ways, you can't just use me for emotional support like you did the last few months of our relationship, and give nothing in return.

 

I'm not going to let you leech off me, and let you think that I'm the one who is an emotional drain. I will vow to keep a distance, I will not offer my empathy over the difficulties you are having, I will focus on ME. You can find someone else to bombard with negativity and illogical behaviors. See how long that lasts... any reasonable man will get the #!$! out the moment you start showing the other side of yourself.

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Ohhh, I hate you, Brian! You suck you suck you suck! Today your mom's friend told me that you told HER that you wanted to marry me. And you know what I saw just two minutes ago?! A PICTURE OF YOU AND THE GIRL YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH. YES, THAT'S RIGHT. She posted it on your Facebook page, you jerk. Yes, Facebook is the devil. You are caught RED HANDED. Thanks so much for the lies, you creep. I'm glad I was rude to you and refused to hug you last weekend. I saw you lookin over at me but I didn't make eye contact. HAHAHAHA. I'm gonna ignore you this Sunday too. I wore our matching shirt today. Too bad you came late and left early. I heard someone say that you were talking about me. Yet funny how they didn't know we broke up. You aren't telling people we broke up? Oh! So the church thinks I'm the evil one who dumped you and won't be your friend anymore when it's YOU who ruined everything? You better tell them what really happened and about your SEX ADDICITION! You won't even talk to your own sister anymore because she wants you to call a therapist because she CARES about you. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Your sister told the pastor that he should kick you out of church, but the pastor thinks you need church more than anything right now. I tried a new church last night and it wasn't the same. I missed everyone. But I'm kinda glad I didn't see you tonight or it would have ruined my church time. Unfortunately, my night is still ruined because I saw you and that bimbo on your Facebook page. WHY DID I LOOK? You realize that everyone from our church is gonna see that and there are gonna be questions, right? Are you too stupid to realize that everyone knows what you did and how you treated me? The truth is coming out, BRIAN! Yes, it is. You are going to get your just desserts and it's not gonna be pretty. This chick you're with sounds annoying as heck. She loves zombies and ghosts...oooh...how deep...lol...but then again, you're an idiot, so you're probably compatible. Although I think zombies is a little off the deep-end for you. You used to talk about how that kinda stuff was lame and you were glad to be with a real woman your own age. So why date a little teeny bopper? Oh man. You will be sorry. I tell ya. Some guy told me today that he can't believe you let a hot, smart chick like me go (even though I broke up with you it was for a darn good reason). I can't believe it either. I am awesome. You are the dumbest man ever.

Edited by WomanWriter
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i noticed today, i didn't think about you much all day. I am getting over you.

 

my cousins bf comitted suicide the other day. my grandmother, is getting ready to die, and there is stuff on her wall, with your name on it.

 

i don't know what todo. i miss you so much.

 

i wish you could see me running. I don't think you'd change your feelings about me but it would be nice to see that i can do something....

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Thanks sunday. It's just so hard right now to move forward but I know you and I can do it. Time does help the healing process. Hang in there and one day you will find someone who will never give up on you and love you no matter what. *hugs*

 

hey thanks.we both deserve that.Its high time!!!!

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OMG, I have never felt so ANGRY! I want to scream! I'd go running now but it's MIDNIGHT! No one has ever pushed my buttons as much as you have in my entire life. And I got voted as "Most Patient" in the college polls! LOL. See, I guess anyone can do anything under the right circumstances. Now I understand why your exes were crazy psychos. You make them that way. I was pissed at my ex fiance, but that wasn't even half as anger-provoking as this. That was more sad than anything else. I don't think anyone has ever cheated on me before this. And for you to keep it a secret all this time and act like you did nothing wrong. Wow. And your friends and family lost any remaining respect for you and are on my side, that's gotta say something. You pursued me so hard. You cried when I was gone for two days. You bought me stuff, showed up at my house unannounced. Wow. And you freakin cheat on me. I will never ever ever date someone so possessive again. I guess the ones that seem the most gung-ho are the biggest cheaters. I remember telling you when we were still friends that I had a gut feeling that you were the cheating type because I never felt that in any other relationships. I told you that I sensed you liked attention so much that you would do it at any cost. Well I was right cuz you came out as a sex addict who has done legal and illegal things for sex. And you see nothing wrong with using women and rape and all that. At least not when you do it. You don't see it that way. You justify yourself yet you go into a rage when other people do it. OMG, you suck so bad. I sooo hate you like I've never hated another human being. You are the scum of the earth!

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Oh man...you're gonna know i saw that pic because your ex reported it to the pastor. You were told to stay away from women as part of your treatment and pastor was monitoring it. But I had to open my big mouth which means you are going to see me and your ex as snitches. And what's that gonna do? Just push you into this girl's arms further. You are going to see us as your personal police and I know how rebellious you are. Oh man. Your sister is probably gonna kick you out! That's good, but then you will only end up moving in with her, probably messing with even younger girls, getting arrested. Wow. I can't believe it's come to this. This is amazing. Maybe it's what you need and what you deserve but that SUCKS! I was hoping you'd be embarrassed when you saw the photo that speaks for itself on your Facebook page. You are friends with the pastor and all our church buddies. You should have disabled the ability for people to post just anything on your wall, huh? You probably would have been mad at your chick for posting that photo if we would have just kept our mouths shut. The photo would have spoken for itself and your shame and embarrassment would have been almost definite. But now, you will probably just defend her if the pastor and your exes (including me) are going after you and getting on your case. Ugh.. all because I told your ex about the facebook pic. I am a trouble-maker! Dang. I really do stir up drama. WOW. How did I even get into this mess. I have never been like this. I feel like a stalker or freak or something. I've gone off the deep end now.

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If I don't post here, I'm gonna go insane. Why can't I just stay out of your life? I really don't want you to know I saw that pic! I don't want you to think I even care! OMG. I want you to think that I don't even care about the pic. In fact, I almost just want to put "nice pic" so you think it's no big deal to me. But I can't do that. If I delete FB, you're gonna know I got to you. The worst part of the pic is you look SO HOT in it! You look like the hottest guy I've ever seen and your little young thing actually said that was "one of the good pics"....in other words, there are more?! It sickens me. How can I be so blatantly disturbed by the loss and betrayal of a man like you? What does that even say about me? And why do your exes even pine over you? You told me, once, almost bragging, how you broke this girl's heart when you were younger because you were bored! Then you recently ran into her and apologized. Well this poor thing is leaving you messages all over your FB asking to hang out! She even emailed ME and asked if I knew where you were...lol. ME?! I don't even KNOW her. And your ex wife emailed me. All these women LOVE you! Why? What did you do to us that we'd like a criminal? You are super hot, but you didn't seem that way to me at first. You dress like a bum and need a shower and your manners aren't even good. You can't speak proper English and you cry over stupid things. Yet you are charming and funny (even though you're corny and stupid). And everyone thinks you're really a sweet guy. Is this the case of the "bad boy" syndrome? HAVE I FALLEN FOR IT? Please don't tell me I fell for it. I wanted to be the one to change/save you, didn't I? And you made me feel like I was the only one in the world. That I would be the one to capture you forever. Wow. I did fall for it. Oh my gosh. I used to hate women like me. And I used to love the quiet/nerdy boys and yet somehow, trying to go back...seems...almost impossible.

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I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETY IN MY BODY. i HATE not having control over this situation. I said i was sorry, i made a mistake, that i want you back!! i'm SORRY. i know i just have to remember WHY we broke up in the first place. because your family sucks, because they don't like me, because you are too weak to stand up for me!! that doesn't change the fact that we spent TWO YEARS TOGETHER, six months of it LIVING together. i MISS YOU EVERYDAY. it hurts not to talk to you or see you. no contact freaking SUCKS. i'm really bad at it, i go every six or seven days before emailing you!! I HATE MYSELF for doing that. i feel so worthless because you don't want me anymore. i know i bruised your ego, but i feel so worthless because this was supposed to be another fight, but i pushed you too far, or maybe you were just ready. I can't stand it. I can't stand your family, and i almost HATE you right now for doing this. you can end my pain, but i know you won't. i have been trying EVERY DAY to move on. i bet you sit on your butt everyday just happy and living your life as normal. i bet you don't even miss me, i bet you don't even care anymore. two years, and it has come to this. i miss you everyday, but at the end of the day, you took my ENTIRE LIFE away from me and bagged up my stuff and left it there. I HATE YOU for doing this to me. I see a counselor now because this break up has been so hard. I bet that makes you happy, i'm sure you always thought i was crazy, even if you never said it. I wish NOTHING good for you. I don't care that its not right to do that, i don't care that its immature. I hope you get laid off again, and this time without me to pick you up. I hope you NEVER find love again. I hope you realize i am the BEST thing that ever happened to you, and you should have NEVER let your family chew me up and spit me out like that. I hope you realize that YOU made the biggest mistake of your life. Everyone says i am saving myself a lifetime of heart ache and pain, because family is so important. Sometimes, i believe it, other times i know there is nothing else i'd rather do than just lay down next you and put my head on your chest. I miss you everyday, i really do, even if i am so angry with you. this has been such a hard process. i just wish it would all go away and disappear. I just wish we had never met. I wish that you and I had never crossed paths. This heartache is just too much to bear.

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Who would have ever thought that I'd be crying to YOUR EX about you! What a turn of events, huh? She told me she was worried about me because every time I post a status update (even if it has nothing to do with you), that girl posts something on your website. She said she cares about me and is going to keep my accountable by asking me daily if I look at your page!

 

This is the same ex you used to talk smack about with me. The same ex that dumped you when you were already talking to me and trying to win me over. Isn't that crazy? I bet it burns you up that the two of us talk. You probably think less of me for conspiring with her, but too late now. You seem to have moved on emotionally several weeks if not months ago. You just like to play the theatrics and act all dramatic. But telling everyone you were gonna marry me...that was just crazy. Why did you bother? Why did you ask the pastor for advice on how to propose to me and then turn around and date the zombie? Oh, but you're not officially dating yet. Whatever! You were cheating on her when you were with me. BUt that doesn't count? OMG.

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I gave you all of me- the great, the good, the bad and the ugly. You told me you wanted to marry me on vacation and then 2 weeks later broke up with me and said you only said that so we would make up from a fight and have a good day on vacation. Do you not not see what is wrong with you? That is not OK.

 

We had a horrible fight, but you kept telling me you loved me and everything was ok- that I shouldn't worry about it. At the same time telling your mother and our friends you wanted to break up. But you kept calling me baby and sweetheart and dear. But, I knew - I felt it in my bones. And then I saw your chat with the girl you had a crush on last year- saying you were having a mid life crisis and bought a new car- that there was more to come YIPPEE- that you couldn't say what it was but it was really good. That was about breaking up with me!!!

 

So we broke up that night and I told you to leave immediately. You said we weren't meant to be, you wanted to break up, you weren't in love with me. Well thanks for the $400 dinner at Le Bernardin for our anniversary 2 weeks before. I hope it takes you a year to pay it off.

 

Then you text me the next morning and I call you a phony. You are dumbstruck. Yes those are the actions of a phony. I loved you completely. You had the best years of your life with me. You said in the text you were not prepared for the breakup. Not wanting it and not prepared I know are 2 different things. I AM SORRY YOU DID NOT HAVE A CHANCE TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE BEHIND MY BACK AND YOU LEAVING THE HOUSE WAS NOT ON YOUR SCHEDULE.

 

I hope when you find a place to live you go back to watching porn 8 hours a day.

 

Revenge is a dish best served cold

Kill Bill

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This morning, I still looked at my phone to see if you had emailed or called. I can NOT go on living my life like this. i KNOW you are not letting me rule your emotions, so i shouldn't let you rule mine either. I hope you are miserable sometimes. I hope that you just curl up into a ball and sob. I hope that you hate yourself for doing this to me. I don't care if these things are all impossible and unrealistic. I just want you to hurt. I want you to know that you are worth nothing to me. I want you to know that I think you are completely selfish and childish. You and your family have made me question myself enough, now, i hope that i've made you question your self worth. I hope you question whether or not you were ever good enough to me, because you weren't. you didn't treat me good enough, and this is why we're over. i hate you.

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I hate you, but I love you. How can you just, treat me that way, after everything we have been through. If you had just told me what you were feeling, I would have stayed and we would be together working on it. But you didn't. You are a selfish person, who is STILL scared to talk about your feelings as if you are weak. I told you I would be the one who will marry you. This love was very special, both our first loves, I am your first man, sex partner, love, you name it I was the first or you. You could have had a fairy tale life. But you choose to remain silent, instead of talking.

 

So I left, then you cried. Why? You treated me bad. Then you say you didn't get over the fight in JAN. WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING!!! So that's why you treated me like dirt. Then 3 weeks after you go and get in another relationship, and say it's long term. I hope he cheats on you, I never did. Maybe you need to see what it is like to appreciate what you had with me, and maybe he will maybe he won't but I don't wish you guys well. It took 4 years to build it. And in 3 weeks you already moved on???? How?

I don't understand what you want from me. I have always been there for you, but it seems I always have to 1 up the results every time, I can't when you get laid off. YES I WAS DEPRESSED, seeing you everyday from school, knowing you deserve better, and pushing myself everyday to find a job, and make some of the stress and worries go away. You know I have a never give up attitude, but you were so selfish, because I did not go to starbucks with you to give you support in studying?? I AM LOOKING OR A JOB!!! I hate you that you put me through this.

 

But I would give us a second chance in a heartbeat. I still want to marry you. And it hurts, that your feelings are gone from me. Don't know if you are covering it up as usual, or you are being honest.

Edited by sophie274
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I can't believe it took me 6 months, to sleep with you because you were a virgin. I didn't sleep with any other girl. Then, after we break off a 4 year relationship, it takes you 3 weeks to find another man. Don't know if you slept with him or not.

 

If you did, then you are sham. We could have had a beautiful life. I made mistakes, everyone does. But nothing major, and nothing that time won't heal. But NOOOOOOO. You can't let go of things. You can't move forward, because you always hold on to the past.

 

Then you say you wish you can take all the guys and burn them in one room. You got some issues. But if you just communicated with me, instead of shutting up, we would still be together enjoying our summer. But no. You witch.

 

 

I could write for months.

Edited by sophie274
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I don't understand how you could just cut the - according to you - first person you've ever actually loved out of your life completely. How does a person do that? I know you like or even love your own misery, but it's still a ridiculous way to live. You're very, very cruel to the people who try to love you and even crueler to yourself. That makes me sad. I wish I could stop loving you.

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