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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


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I really tried.   I told you from the get go that I was in the midst of an awakening from monogamy to polyamory which, you were very clear you didnt want.   I told you I wanted to work it out with

I feel so sad having had to leave what was our apartment because of you, for the second time. I feel sad we never invested in buying a few stuff for any apartment we've owned, because you always

Hey You,

 

It's been exactly 14 days since you packed up your things and moved out of our home. I'm still adjusting to every bit of it and the pain/agony is unbearable. I'm sorry I didn't see the issues and able to address it. I wish you were able to communicate it to me so we can talk about it. Instead of just giving up on us after 5 years being together. I'm trying to hard to heal from this breakup but I'm not able to do it right. You texting me here and there, throwing breadcrumbs just brings me back to stage 1. I cant wait to meet you this coming Saturday to transfer the title to for the car and afterward I can finally go full no contact to heal.

 

I love you so much and it sucks to know that you fell out of love. I hope one day if we ever cross path that we are able to give it another shot where we both are better and learned from being apart. I know I don't want to lose you and neither do you but I can't just be your friend. We are lovers and I can't see being friends with you will do us any good even if we are with someone else.

 

I want to text you so bad but I know better not to. I'm going to be a doormat anymore or someone there if you need someone to talk to to ease your pain. I'm so happy that this forum is in existence so I can write on here instead of reaching out to you.

 

You are so good at hiding your pain and emotions. I wish you find yourself and love yourself where you can open them up to people who loves and cares for you. I hope that when I do go full NC that you will feel my absent in your live and a part of you will regret the decision you made overnight. I hope that you will get better and know what you want in life. I hope that if we ever run into each other and decide to come back, that you are 100% ready and committed to the new relationship.

 

I love you!

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Em. I don't hate you anymore. That's something. But I miss you terribly as a friend. I hope that this feeling will last up until I get over you, because as much as I'm fighting NOT to contact you, I can't bear to believe that our connection wasn't real.

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I'm not going to go back and forth with you on social media. I'm better than that. I know that you like to post things to show that you are doing fine. I know it's really not and you're hiding being a mask and that's okay. You do what you have to do but I will not check your stories anymore. But I know that you'll check every minutes or so to see if I look at it. I'm not going to let you trap me in like this.

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Last night you sent me a text asking how work was today? I don't think you genuinely care but instead you are just throwing breadcrumbs my way. I wanted to respond back but I didn't. I'm so proud of myself for texting you back. I still can't believe that you literally gave up on a 5 years relationship with issues that are fixable.

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Why are you telling me about someone trying to match you up with your old flame? I am telling you to go for it if that’s what you want. It’s as if you want to know if I’ll be hurt to know you have a new gf while at the same time not owning your own actions to make that happen. It’s weird. Go for it. I am over you. No feelings like that at all. It’s good for me to recognize that those feelings can fade away to nothing. It takes time and other life pursuits.

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You resurface regularly these days and I bite every time. We're about to be thousands of miles apart for the next few weeks, then you move later in the summer. I dread the fact that I'm going to miss you being nearby. I'm still not fully over you. I can't tell anymore where you're at but I know you must still contact me for a reason. I'm still not going to contact you first. If you want to talk you know where I am. I wish I could forget you. Draw a line under you. Just move on completely. Yet I can't and I don't understand why. Months on and I'm still infatuated. The thoughts of you are just emotionally draining.

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Feeling pretty lonely today. Today is one of the only days I would usually see my ex and I'm thinking about them a lot right now. I know if we were to see each other then it would just cause me more pain afterwards because it wouldn't be how I would want it to be. We never really even did anything together but I think it was just nice to have some company outside of work even when we were doing mundane things. I expected to experience some loneliness and its been so long since I've had to spend a week by myself without contacting them. I can't even remember how I functioned on my own so much before I met them. God I hope this gets easier, this is only the 2nd day of no contact but the 6th week after breaking up. Just want to feel like myself again.

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I want you to message me so bad. I just keep thinking that if you really cared you'd find any way possible to get in touch with me. I know it's selfish to want that because I insisted on no contact, but I did that because you were draining my mental health so badly, I just didn't feel like myself anymore. I know if you messaged me it would just be shallow anyways but I want you to miss me and I want you to feel guilty and recognise the role you played in the end of us. I hate that I loved you so much when our relationship was just and so nothing at all. I think you were my true first love and I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone, i'm sure you're doing fine and are getting on with your routine and not thinking about it, i guess this is pretty easy for you since you had no trouble ignoring and not messaging me when we were actually together. I'm sure one day you will marry your friend who you've kept close for so many years after your relationship ended, you spend the amount of time with him that you would expect someone to spend with the person they are in a relationship with. Even my councillor said that it was ing weird! I wish I had just let things end back in January and just given up and not tried to push on and make things work, but damn I am stubborn. I will get my pride back and move on with my life. I don't know if you'll ever truly find the love you want when you continue to do the things you do.

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  • 1 month later...

I thought about you yesterday and missed you.

 

I am over you, I don't know what this is about. My heart hasn't warmed to anyone in a real substantial way in years-I really wish that could change. But it's not easy-you know how I am, too f- picky for my own good. For the past while, I have found myself losing interest instantaneously and I can't seem to help it. There's this song that always made me think of you, and I heard it yesterday. It brought back strong memories of how I used to feel about you. But it's been years, and noone else has really touched me in the same way. I really do wish to feel those strong, uninhibited emotions again. I have grown up so much since then, but what I felt for you was real. It was a very confusing few years for me back then but regardless of what went down, I did genuinely love you.

 

I hope you're doing well B.

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I would have given my life for you ten times over. Until I finally accepted that you would have slit my throat to save yourself long before I ever got the chance. Whether you ever regret betraying me is irrelevant, my life’s mission is to protect our daughter from the trail of divorce and destruction you and your family leave in their wake.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I've been dreading this week for months because I knew you were leaving. You included me in your going away festivities only because I hit you up first. I have no regrets seeing you up until now. I text you today to say goodbye and you couldn't even reply. This is not how I thought this would play out. This is not how I wanted our final encounters to end. I'm crushed. You could've said thank you and I would've been fine. But not this. This stings.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So here's the scoop.

 

I am not giving you my new phone number. If you need to contact me, you can use email.

 

You pushed me into poverty. You knew what you were doing - in fact, you PLANNED to do it.

 

I know you told me you wanted to remain friendly, but the facts are clear. You pushed me into poverty.

 

"It's not my fault if you didn't plan for your retirement." Well, remember..... You got cancer and wanted to retire. I said I would retire with you, we would use my 401K as a savings account and we would live off your pension. That was perfectly fine with you.

 

You understood that I was sacrificing 6 years of salary (almost $700,000) so that we could spend whatever time we had together. I HAD a plan. I changed it for you.

 

Then I contributed to your $780/month COBRA premium - even put you on my medical insurance so that you would have a less expensive premium. Put in that fireplace. Paid for vacations. When the budget came up short, I quietly pulled money out to cover the monthly bills. I ignored needed repairs on my car.

 

Everything was fine until my savings were spent. Suddenly you wanted to know where I was "hiding" my money. Remember that evening when you demanded to see my accounts and I showed all of the to you?At that point I should have seen the writing on the wall.

 

You knew that under NJ Family Law that if you divorced me, the Court would not approve the settlement if one of us had to undergo a dramatic shift in life style. You must have known that the Court would have ordered alimony - yes, only for the length of time we were married - because the Court would have understood that a 5 year gap in employment coupled with my age rendered me unemployable. And you certainly knew that the alimony figure would have been 1/3rd of the difference between your monthly income and mine. So what did you do?

 

We both know the answer. You waited until I was too broke to even be able to afford to challenge the divorce. You even refused to memorialize the cash "settlement" because the Court might have interpreted that as evidence of your plan to leave me destitute. You were so clever.

 

You lied to me. You lied to your family - "it was a mutual divorce" - you lied to our friends. You wanted to be sure that nobody ever learned how despicable you have become.

 

I trusted you like I have never trusted any other person in my life. If there was anything in that "post-nup" that would have hurt me, I trusted you to tell me. You didn't.

 

You planned to hurt me long before you carried it out.

 

You are dead to me. I don't want to hear from you ever again for ANY reason. No texts or calls. No emails (yes, that address is being killed as well). No US mail - it will be tossed unopened. Besides, in a few weeks my physical address is going to change. You will not know where I am ever again.

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I don’t understand why you didn’t want to work on the relationship. And I don’t understand why, after having a 15 year marriage, when the breakup was YOUR idea, you barely acknowledge I exist after 3.5 years of being apart.

 

I would have liked to develop some sort of cordial friendship for the sake of our kids... not like actual friends but an open line of communication when it comes to our children... instead, you cut me out in every possible way, make decisions to share information with them without talking to me first, including telling our oldest that it was because of her that we had struggles in our relationship.

 

I don’t understand why you aren’t happy for me in my new relationship while you have had 3 since we split up.

 

I have chosen to practice grace and dignity through this and walk through my feelings with my friends instead of having pointless conflict with you but I want you to know my heart is still broken as a result of our break up and while I never want to get back together, I suppose I had a faint hope that we could at least get along... which is probably more about my codependency than it is about you but anyways.

 

Deep down inside I wish you had at least once acknowledged the harm you caused in our relationship and that it wasn’t all my fault... I have come to accept for the most part that I will never get that amends... and am working on forgiving you and myself for what happened in our marriage.

 

That’s what is in my heart and while I have no desire to actually be that vulnerable with him as he would not treat my heart with care, it’s those sorts of feelings I am still letting go of.

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Hey E.

 

Haven't messaged u in so long. For the longest time, I was chasing the feeling I used to have with you with everyone I met after. I never forgot how special you were to me and now that I met someone that reminds me of you so much it's kinda making me think of you again. I really hope you're happy these days, I know you decided to stay away to make it easier for both of us. Long distance doesn't work of course but regardless of the situation, I loved you. You changed my life and I'll always have a soft spot for you.

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It's been about 7 weeks now. NC hasn't been easy but I've been doing it.

I can't risk humiliating myself again and being rejected.

I still think about you all day every day. But i'm not feeling that sharp pain so much now, it's much more dull.

I still cry sometimes, but I've been having bad luck with my health the past few weeks so it just brings me down and then I miss you more.

I'll be ok eventually.

 

I hope you're happy with your gf. I assume you are still with her seeing as I haven't heard anything from you at all.

I was driving myself crazy by checking your fb profile all the time. Checking to see if you had updated your fb status to in a relationship. But nope, it still shows as single. Then I was trying to see if I could figure out who your girlfriend was from your friends list, I couldn't tell.

So I removed you from my friends list, and blocked you.

 

Now I have the same problem with WhatsApp. I keep checking your 'last seen'. Analysing why you haven't been online for 2 or 3 hours. That must mean you're with her right?

When you're online a lot more, I know you're working or you haven't got company. I know this from your habits and how you were with me.

But of course, it's all mind reading.

I actually have no idea what you're doing or who with.

All I know is you won't contact me at all.

 

I'll be ok one day.

I'll get there in the end.

I can do this. I'm strong.

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Im sorry for what i said. I was angry and hurt. I know i played my part in what happened. I just wish youd communicated with me instead of ending us. I really wanted it to work with us because i love you. Your probably already talking to other people and couldnt care less. This time hurt me. I dont know why maybe because i know its the last time and you know it too yet still choose to end it. You dont love me. You never did. Ive had people love me, i know people remember me. I wanted you to be the one that stayed. I would never write this too you. What would be the point. Im sorry too.

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I am not sure if I am disappointed in myself that I let this happen to us/to me.... if I am angry about your behaviour ... or if it's just the realisation that I never wanted this to begin with until you manipulated me in staying in this relationship. Now you you decided that you didn't need me anymore - if you could have at least had the decency of telling me what happened.

 

You broke my heart. I'll get over it, the kids hurt more... but they are your kids so you do what's best for them (in your mind anyway).

 

I guess I'll hurt and be (f@#!ng) angry at you for few more weeks or months until I manage to get on with reality and live with the fact that I will never know what happened that caused you to shut down. I wish and hope that you will never have to feel the emotional neglect and rejection that you made me suffer through in the last 3 months.

 

I hate you, I love you, I have that I love you... it's just one of those days today :-(

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you're not my ex-husband yet but you are considering that role. i spend all day at work doing NC and it's incredibly difficult. i miss seeing my phone go off with a text from you, asking what i'm making for dinner or sending me a funny joke. we still live together and interact here and there but it's not comfortable by any means. oh how badly i want to kiss you when you come home and eat the dinner i prepared together. i miss being playful with you and making fun of things that we find silly.

 

why are you letting us go when i know you're going to regret it someday? why are you tearing us down? it makes me sad all day to know i may not have much more time with you. i'm trying to leave you alone because i know being around isn't what you want.

 

i'm your wife and vowed to love you at your worst. i hope even after all this is over you see that some day. that i loved you, even at your worst. i hope you can see then, how loyal my love was and you think of me.

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heyy... this used to be our way of starting a conversation, i miss how we were, especially at the begining when there were no fights, no pressure. I was scared, i believe i'll always be somehow even now when i lost you, i always thought you were the love of my life, and i still do even when hurt, i forgive you and hope you do the same. I only wish you did more for me, i would've done everything in exchange...

take care of yourself, and know that i love you... you're just not here to hear it :(

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