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Nynnja
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I found out you have been with a new girl since November. How dare you treat me like this, dump me like I meant nothing and 1 month later, you already fool around with another woman while I cry and suffer, worry about your mental health and hope you are doing fine?! I am sure now you left me because you were after her.

 

How dare you lie to me, the only one who was there for you, listened to your problems, supported you and cheered you on?! Who comforted you when you were sad, held you when you were scared, tried to help you men your relationships! Who went to your appointments with you?! I really did love you, this is not just a word to me! It meant something!

 

You don't deserve me, you don't deserve a loyal woman like me who devotes herself to being kind and loving to her partner. You sullied my most sacred beliefs, destroyed the happy person I was, the hopeful and kind soul I had is gone! I have never been betrayed like this before, and believe me, I have been ed over a lot. My life has always been a struggle, it has always been filled with pain and you knew it, and yet you used me! Why did you lie to me!?

 

I was sad and could barely get out of bed while you were already sleeping with her! I am so stupid, thinking I was special. You gave me false hope, shattered my heart to pieces, lied to me and walked all over me while I was defending you, loving you and thinking, I found the man who I would be with; that I found my happy ending. That I finally got lucky.

 

I was sad, yes, but now I'm pissed. Heard she doesn't treat you well. Good. You deserve it. While I hope you find happiness, I do, I don't think you deserve it at this moment. I want you to feel the hopelessness I felt when you broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I gave you things I gave nobody before you, I ... told you things nobody else knows, about my past, about my abuse and you spit in my face. A relationship born from such pain can never be healthy, can never work out! I hope this haunts you for a good while.

 

I hope you find out some other man saw what you didn't and regretted it for the rest of your life, knowing you left someone who would have loved you till the end, would have been kind and loving and would have been good to your family and your friends, like I have been before! They all still love me, they even defended me. What does that say about you? That man will be braver than you will ever be, he will be better than you, he will tell me he loves me and he will show it. One day, I will be grateful you ed me over so badly because I will be with someone who deserves a loyal woman like myself. It will take a while, to get myself together, to start believing love is real again but I won't let you destroy the future I always wanted.

 

I threw out the dried flowers I kept from you. I don't want to see them. I threw out the necklace you gave me for my birthday. I don't ever want to touch that meaningless again, that made me believe I was something special in your life. I don't ever want to be blinded by my love again!

 

 

You made me do this! YOU DID THIS! Don't you ever dare forget it. We could have had it all and now all you will have is just another fling with this woman before she screws you over like all others before her. All I will be now is a regret you will feel for the rest of your life!

 

Hope you are happy. I wish I never met you. I wish I never wasted 2 years of my life on you. I wish I never told you I loved you! I wish I never wasted all that money on you, to see you, to find meaningful gifts! To take you to diners because I wanted you to know how much I valued you! I wish our parents never met! Now they are involved and suffering too.

 

How could you do this to me... I thought you respected me... at least cared enough not to break me... I trusted you and you treated me worse than those women who abused you, cheated on you and controlled you. Made me believe I was worthless and ugly, like I was never good enough.

 

Guess who isn't good enough? YOU!

 

Good bye, it is your loss in the end, not mine. You lost someone special, all I lost was a lying, cowardly man who couldn't treat me right if it hit him in the face.

 

Be strong.

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Hey you,

 

Hope things are adjusting well. I dunno why I thought about you today but I dunno. Some part of me still remembers the love I felt for you in the past and I had this flashback of us laughing our heads off, drunk with elation as we swayed, hips touching down _________ street.

 

 

Maybe this year I'll finally find someone else I can actually love again.

 

That feeling has been gone for too long.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Running into you last month was totally unexpected. I never would've pulled in that cove had I known you would be there. But seeing you wasnt as bad as I imagined it would be.

 

You still blame me for the breakup- If thats what helps you sleep at night, ok. You told me to get the f*** away from you and get out your personal space. You told me you didnt give a f*** about me and never did b***h. Then you let me sit in that hurt for 6 days while you pursued another woman. You didn't care about my feelings. When you came back after those 6 days, like nothing ever happened, I just couldnt get past what you said. I tried for the last 7 days that we talked but it was never the same. The trust was gone. I couldn't trust that you wouldn't hurt me again and again if you had the chance to. I have to protect myself from people who cannot forgive and move forward. People who only stay in my life so that they can gather Information to turn around and try to destroy me and my mental well being. People like you and April, who are really dangerous to be around because you hold grudges for a lifetime.

 

We both know what REALLY happened that led to the breakup. After 8 months NC you still tried to alter the reality of what happened. What I found surprising is that you thought it was acceptable to sexually assault me by grabbing and touching on me, trying to see if I've shaved my private area, etc. I hope you enjoyed rubbing on me though, because that's the last rub you will ever get.

 

When we were seeing each other, you never gave me oral sex or even foreplay. And I got bored with sex with you, which led to me cheating. There are men out here that are sucking toes, giving oral, licking whip cream, chocolate and other desirables off of womens bodies. You just dont turn me on anymore.

 

There are men out here who are ok with being a side dude too- and they understand that the side dude is supposed to do everything that the main guy isnt doing. You claimed that you were okay with being my side dude after we broke up on valentine's day, when you called my toddler son retarded. So after you said that about my child, you knew that while i still cared for you, I'd never take you seriously as far as a relationship- because if you got SO mad at me, so full of anger and rage that you would TARGET my special needs son, who was 3 and never did anything to anyone- that I needed to protect my son and my other kids from you. You knew the trust was gone as far as bringing you around any of my kids- then you turn around and demand to be able to come to my house for us to have sex.

 

You knew this was not an option because my kids father lived there, and you didnt know that from day one but when you found out, you tolerated it because you didn't have to financially provide for me or my kids, and you still had access to effort free sex from me. You didn't have to wine and dine me, or anything and you was okay with that for 2 years. You beat on me, degraded me, put me and my kids down and talked about us. I gave you sex in any position that you wanted it and you still didnt appreciate me. So I cut back on the sex and started distancing myself from you to break that emotional detachment.

 

I just find it odd that you would want to restart a sexual relationship with me when you didnt appreciate me or our "arrangement" the first time around. I guess you've been dating and you see that these women want money, they want respect, they want to be courted and dated properly- and with me, you got effort free sex on demand and didnt have to give me money or respect.

 

When you was grabbing on me and pulling me close, it made me very uncomfortable. I had no problem with a platonic, break the ice hug, but getting sexual with you hadnt crossed my mind in damn near a year.

 

You know good and well I cannot be alone for long, and while I dont have a man per se, I am sexually active, even though it is only once every 3 to 4 months. And you know that I'm not in this huge house alone every single night either. So maybe you were trying to see if I am still that old cheating, dishonest woman but I am NOT. I am terribly lonely at times; but I dont want or need anyone disrupting my peace. I do acknowledge that having a main man and a side man isnt right, even though that's what I would still prefer at moments in time. But I am evolving, and old habits die hard. I refuse to hurt any other men, so I choose loneliness until I am ready to seriously date one man only. No more fwb, no more side men, no more looking for external validation and forms of "love." I am learning to love myself and a sense of peace comes with that too.

 

That all being said, you never once said you missed me, or that you would like to invite me over for some lamb. My aunts 2nd death anniversary was the day we saw each other, and I talked to you in the hot sun for over an hour because i had nothing but a large empty house to come home to that day. While I may not have had sex with you that day, who knows what could've happened? But you thought that you could toss me a few crumbs of affection and get me in bed. And that old, needy, low self esteem woman that you once knew is long gone now. I listen to what men DONT say. Saying you miss my "chunky" was an insult, not a compliment. There are plenty of men that miss my intense sexual prowess- you're one of many men from my past that try to get me back under the sheets. My Facebook inbox is full of messages from my exes and sexual partners from past conquests. I require mental stimulation,(I bore of men easily) genuine love and affection, and lots of attention among other things- things that I realized 9 months ago that I will never get from you.

 

I didnt ask you questions about your life or your family-choosing to let you tell me what you wanted me to know. You are an ex and I respect that we are forever done. I am very nosy and inquisitive and always in someone's business-- that I "care"about. So the fact that I didnt share much about myself or ask about Tommi or who you are dating should let you know what it is. I am a work in progress, but I am still impulsive at times. We could've probably had some one time, no strings attached sex had you simply came with a respectful approach; and not grabbing me like some hooker on a street corner. I dont sit by the phone and hope you will call me anymore. When it got to that point with us, you triggered my abandonment. Kinda like waiting for my mother to come back, that never came back. So I have zero expectations where you are concerned. I dont care who you sleep with, where you go or what you do. I'd be lying if I didnt say that I dont miss the 5 and 6 hour telephone conversations that we had though. The mental stimulation is what I miss, not the sex, honestly.

 

I still enjoyed talking to you though, for what it's worth. I never let a man tell me more than once that he doesnt want me. Telling me how Pam sucked your D like a champ, and telling me to get away from you and out of your personal space, and that you never gave a f*** about me and never did b**** just caused a hurt and brokenness in me that I could never get past with you. You set out to hurt me in every way possible Kenneth, and you finally succeeded. My kids father had already wounded me so deeply, but I didnt love him the way that I loved you. After my aunt died, their father was the only blood relative that they have, other than me. Ann nurtured the girls and Gary nurtured my special needs son. Taking away the last sense of normalcy that my kids had in their father brought a sense of guilt that I just couldnt bring myself to do. If I had taken my son from the only person in the world who loved him, I could never forgive myself. You called him retarded so I knew you could never love me or my son, because he is a part of me and calling him retarded is the same as calling me retarded.

 

That is why we ended up in the scenario that we had. It wasnt right but I had lived without love, affection and attention for decades. Even now, I wished that I had done things differently but like I told you, it's all in the past and it doesnt even matter now. I hope you find a woman that will make you happy, I really do. And now I will never speak on you here on this forum again- so that I can close the door on you and truly move forward. Seeing you took away the resentment I had. And it also showed me that going back to you would only mean more bad sex, more getting blamed for everything and more bad treatment from you- none of which is more appealing than loneliness.

Edited by smJackson
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I am so so sorry. I did love U with all my heart and soul. U were the love of my life. Out of the blue, so i think, U left me. After 4 years. I now my mistakes, I just hope someday U realise yours.

I know U are having a hard time right now but all I desire is to help you. No strings attached.

But U are 2 proud and 2 stubborn to accept my help.

I do love U so much!

I can't believe that so much ego can surpass the love that we have.

Maybe someday U'll miss me but I know that is not enough to call me. I do miss you much.

All I ever wanted was to grew older beside you and to love U.

4 years that I will cherish, the best, the worst of my life. Now just accommodating living alone in hell.

Take care of you as I can't do it any more.

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Wow. Juat remembwred this site and how it helped me. It has been 8mos but honestly it feels like it’s been 2years.

 

Dont know what to say. I have moved on. Just thought about posting aomething here because that sounds fun and curious to what I have to say.

 

I wish all the best really. Work, etc. I hope you are finding whatever it is in you are searching for. That’s all. Haha

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I love you, truly. However you've hurt me so much. You kept talking about true love, being soulmates and being together forever. You wanted to marry me and we got engaged. We've talked about marrying in secret as it only matters to us and not the rest of the world. You've decided to throw all that away, and for what? So you can "find yourself", so you can go other guys? And once you're done and realise that what we had is rare (since you had 10+ relationships, and us being really special regarding the emotional and spiritual connection) you might want to come back. But please don't. I want to find someone that not only loves me but is also willing to work on the relationship. You haven't learned that from your multiple relationships. And considering this was my first, and that I did pretty well, I'll be fine. Someone will come along that's better for me. And I hope you find someone aswell, but you really need to reflect and change yourself. Your pattern won't be broken otherwise. Farewell.

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Dear

 

Lately, I've been pretty nostalgic about how things could have worked out if we'd stayed together.

I would have liked to share laughs with our kids together, cherished their accomplishments all in the same house.

Now everything has this divided line. Soulless text messages and our only discussions centre around our calendars.

I don't hate you. After all, you didn't hit me senseless with a baseball bat or run me over with your car. You just took a chunk out of my heart. My heart has healed quite a lot over the years, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't ache from time to time.

 

Lately, I've had to keep reminding myself that the past is the past....and the future is what truly matters most. But it hurts that the present and future is different than the dreams we first had when we walked down the aisle.

 

They say "what doesn't kill you make you stronger". Your weakness made me stronger, and that strength is what helps me tackle whatever the world throws at me.

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taylor swift is releasing new music in less than two hours, and I hope that when you hear it, it makes you think of me. I hope it makes you think of the time I drove you halfway home fourth of july night; you were holding my hand from the passenger seat and I was singing each song as if I had written it for you. I hope you remember playing her new single for me when I jumped in your car after you came to see me my first semester back at school. you never cared to listen to her, and it made me feel special knowing you chose to just for me. I hope you remember the catch in my voice as I yelled the lyrics to "don't blame me" the night after formal just a few weeks later. I was trying to keep the tears from streaming down my face but it didn't work. I think that was the beginning of our end, we just didn't know it yet. I'm sorry this happened to us. I really wanted it to be you. I still do, but I know it's not. but I wish it was. I know you'll always hold a place in my heart no one else will be able to match. I know that if I ever see you again, I will have the same look in my eyes as I did the very first night we met. I was so enamored by you. falling in love with you was such a magical experience. I'm glad I got to be with you. I'm glad you were part of my story. I hope you're glad I was part of yours. you mean so much to me. I'm sorry. I really hope you're doing okay

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hey

 

i want you to know that im sorry for everything. i know i said it a billion times already, you know i never wanted to hurt you. i am sorry i couldnt love you the way you wanted me to love you. im sorry that you felt that i had levels to my love, and i didnt completely love you. i did. you were the most magical love ive ever had, the most deep connection i ever felt. i wanted to only do things for you, to help you, to be there for you, but it ended up draining me. i was tired. and being tired made me lose that love for you.

i still miss you. i still wish you were beside me holding my hand as we watch our favourite shows... i continued them without you because i have to move on. But, i miss you and your presence and your sweet kisses.

 

but i just couldn't feel that in love withyou anymore. its not your fault, because you have been nothing but amazing. yes, you had your moments where you hurt me, when you werent there for me.. but i know that you loved me. im sorry i couldnt be that person. im sorry i couldnt make you happy. but getting back together would have been a mistake. you deserve someone who will want to be with you through everything. im sorry i wasnt her. i wish i was. i wish i could love you right.

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I know you are working on school and we won't have a chance to talk for awhile. This is driving me crazy as I just want to hear you tell me that we will talk again and there will be a chance to demonstrate changes. But I know that until you contact me I will not know so it's a pipedream. I want you to know I still love you. And you still inspire me. And I have worked hard on things. Even if we don't work out I want you to know that so you know you were worth the effort. And I am worth that effort. I feel I'm in much better place now, but also know things don't always work out like we want. I just hope I get the chance to find out if they will with you. You're very special and unique. And I love you.

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You ended our nearly 4 year relationship almost a year ago, two months before I was going to propose to you. We talked and it seemed like a couple times there were would get back together, but ut everytime we got closer, you were talking to someone else and tried to pursue something with them and they just used you.

 

I know you were diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but I read up on it since we have split and I know I'd be an even better partner to help you with it and I told you as much. I also wrote you a letter, one that I poured out my heart and made promises and laid out what could be a great future. But you lied again, saying you needed time at your new job and had to move soon so you had to focus on that. Instead, you were talking to another guy, who used you and knocked you up with twins wants nothing at all to do with you.

 

You texted me how you were going to be a horrible mother, how the kids would grow up without a father and some other horrible things. Out of my love for you, I offered to be that figure and to be with you again and you've been silent ever since.

 

I know everything is flashing to stay away from you and I have. The problem is even after everything thats happened and everything you've done, I still love you. And on this Saturday night when everyone is out, couples families and everything, all I can think of is you and I cant let that continue. I'll love you and wish it worked out, I really do. But I cant keep thinking about you anymore and i have to move on for my own sanity have to try to go on my own again, even after one year. Damn you. I love you.

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You made a mistake. :-)

 

But I get why you did what you had to do...I wish you the best.

 

If you ever do want a do-over...I will boyfriend the #@$# out of you. I'm not even close to the boy I used to be.

 

It's a shame we both get to grow exponentially from this disaster...and we can't try again. We get to use these "lessons" on new people...bleh...

 

I never told you to your face, but I did love you.

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Why should this be so confusing to me after this much time? I am not getting enough of you for this to be a relationship. You keep saying we’re going to get together and then we don’t. I’m trying to read your actions and call it out like I see and feel it. I suggest that we shouldn’t carry on but you always always so we should stay together. But how are we together if we’re not in person. I told you that I love you. You didn’t reciprocate. You said that is for in person. You don’t express how you feel. I ask you. You don’t or can’t tell me. I’m starting to wonder if you have asbergers.

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No, you are all not getting it!

 

Short and sweet...

 

"Was that you calling? I knew, that's why I didn't answer the phone

"I thought of you yesterday, but then I wiped y a$$ and the thought went away"

"Are you happy with your new partner? I hope so, because I have no time for you now"

 

That's what it needs to be like!

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And you—why are we friends? You broke up with me. Always tell me about how your situations are worse than they were before. We can go without seeing each other as friends for over a year. You would’ve been better off if we had stayed together, but I’m pretty sure I would’ve been worse off. So thank you for breaking up with me. I had been considering it for months beforehand. I’m feeling that the way our relationship went has lead me to justify bad behavior in my current relationship. At least I can see it. Anyway. I wish you the best. We really don’t need to carry on if you think you’re making me feel better. I had thought we were in a mutually supportive friend zone. And we have been. But....

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Let me just realize that your lack of attention two nights in a row, yes, is hurtful, but it’s so common from you now, that I’m now bored of it. I realize now that While I know it’s sad, I’m not feeling the sad. I’m not crying. I’ve been crying off and on for a year about this stuff. I think I’m just worn out, pissed off and bored with you. There’s no amount of effort from me that’s going to work. Effort from you that I can see and feel will be needed. You are not earning the love that I offer. I offer it freely without you earning it. But I think you should give effort to maintain and grow it with me if you value it.

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It's been 15 months. I wish I could say I'm over you but im not. I’m not mad at you anymore. I fully realize that I lost the love of my life. I ruined another relationship but this time with “the one”. Right now, tonight, I admire you. Looking at your Facebook, I can see why I was and am so in love with you. You are so incredibly beautiful, smart, and funny. Why were you not enough? Why was I so insecure? This will probably go down in my memory like Al Bundy's high school touchdown pass.

 

My life has gone down the tubes. It could always be worse but it’s never been this bad. I’ll have to pull myself up somehow. I don’t even know how to do it. One foot in front of the other I guess. You wouldn’t be proud of who I’ve become. Maybe this was necessary. Maybe there is some master plan. I really hope so. I hope this leads to some growth somehow.

 

Anyway, I just felt the need to type this out. I hope that one day we can run into each other and just express love. Not get back together. Just love and forgiveness. Take care

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Overall I´m doing rather okay. I still miss you and some days are worse than others. You´ve been warming up to me and regretting the ending of the relationship. I hope that in the near future we can talk about giving it another shot. We had a loving relationship and an intense emotional and spiritual connection. You´ve hinted that you´ve made a mistake, of course I wholeheartedly agree :). Anyway, we´ll probably see each other next week as you´ve invited me for dinner. To be honest, I can´t wait. Really looking forward to how we´re going to connect.

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Hey!

Just wanted you to know that I miss you. I miss you so much. But I've told you that a few days ago.

I wanted you to know that I will try my best to let you go, no matter how much it hurts me.

You are part of me. You were everything to me. The best thing that ever happened to me for years.

I know we both made mistakes. But I can't forget mine, but I will try to forgive myself.

The hardest thing for me is to let you go. I want you to be happy. I wish I was your happiness.

I hope... one day... we'll be together again.

They say third time's the charm... Hope so!

Anyway... I love you.

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Just wanted to say that I do not want your friendship. You treated me badly and that's no way to start a friendship even if we did have a good connection. I acknowledge my part in this and take full responsibility of not protecting myself enough when I took you back, but damn what kind of person do you think you are when you KNEW I was head over heels for you, you KNEW I wanted something more and you KNEW you never wanted a relationship?

 

You're not the nice guy you take so much pride in being. I'm sorry to break it to you. But I really am not.

 

You didn't even say "I thought I'd give it a try, I had feelings for you and I thought it could change". You knew from the start how we both felt but you decided to get the emotional bonding I gave you and leave when you had enough. I do not accept your apology.

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It's been almost four months since I told you goodbye and blocked your number after you told me you weren't sure you wanted to be with me, and I still find myself thinking about you every day, even though you put me through so much pain. I still get tempted to unblock your number and contact you, but thankfully I've been able to resist the temptations. I will admit, I do sometimes get angry inside at the pain you put me through, but you need to know how deeply I cared about you and wanted to make it work between us; you even said yourself that you "never met anyone nicer or more caring", which tells me that you left me because I was too nice for you. Even though I am angry at you for hurting me the way you did, I have a kinder heart, and I wish you the best. Where I stand currently, I cannot have contact with you, and if my mindset right now is how it's going to be in the future, I will probably make no attempts to ever contact you again. I did block your number, only because I did not want to keep your number unblocked and know every day you didn't contact me, that you didn't try contacting me, if that makes sense at all. Every day I wonder if you ever will contact me; sometimes I check my mail wondering if I'll see a letter from you, or unlock my phone and wonder if I'll see a text message or missed call from you, even when I get a call at work saying I have a phone call, but nothing comes around. Since you left me, I have felt lost, lonely, disengaged, and depressed; every day wondering if I'll ever move on and find somebody new. I have not been on any dates since I was with you, only because I am still healing from losing you; to this day I still wonder why you left me, I wonder every day exactly what were you thinking when you wanted to leave me, I wish I could spend one minute in your head to understand why, especially given everything we did together. There is a huge part of me that wishes we could go back to how we were when we first started dating, but I am slowly accepting the fact that it's no more, and I can't hang on to false hope. I did not mean to get mad at you when you left me, you just need to understand how hurt I was after you left me, and how much I cared about you. I looked at the messages between your mother and mine, and my mother was in no way rude or vile to your mother like you claimed that she was. My family loved you and cared for you too, and when they see me hurt like you hurt me, it's a given that they're going to get upset. Even though you're out of my life, I still wish the best for you, but you most likely will never hear from me again. Where it stands currently, if I were to ever run into you, I'd probably go the other direction, but at the same time if you ever were to contact me, I wouldn't respond with hostility, only because I have a good heart, but at the same time, I have to protect my well-being. Staying hung up on you was affecting my quality of life, therefore I couldn't hang on.

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