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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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I'm so sorry for not contacting you, replying to you, talking to you..

 

It will only hurt both of us unless you're trying to sort things out with me and are upfront about that.. Maybe I will talk to you then, but it will probably just make us both unhappy..

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I'm so sorry for not contacting you, replying to you, talking to you..

 

It will only hurt both of us unless you're trying to sort things out with me and are upfront about that.. Maybe I will talk to you then, but it will probably just make us both unhappy..

 

Kudos for NC dedication my friend! That takes a lot of strength and self respect right there.

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I've done everything right. These past few weeks have been so easy. Like a breath of fresh air.

So why is tonight so hard? I can hear your voice, picture your face so clearly. I know I'll never be around you again. I figure it doesn't bother you. Nothing bothers you.

Not sure why I even wasted time writing here. We're just strangers now.

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I've done everything right. These past few weeks have been so easy. Like a breath of fresh air.

So why is tonight so hard? I can hear your voice, picture your face so clearly. I know I'll never be around you again. I figure it doesn't bother you. Nothing bothers you.

Not sure why I even wasted time writing here. We're just strangers now.

 

I wish grief was linear :(. Sorry to hear you're going through this.

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All I ever asked you was to be present. When I needed you the most you weren't there. Too busy protecting yourself. You let me down and disappointed me. Lead me astray and weren't there to catch me after telling me for one year that you love me when you knew I was scared to love again. It's not fair. And I wish I never met you. You are a mama's boy. And every time things got tough you would run back home to your mom instead of working things out with me. You are selfish and immature. You did me a favor for breaking up with me. And I know in time I will see it more clearly

 

Sent from my SM-G903W using Tapatalk

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Why did you have to text me today? I tried to be civil this time and pretended our communication didn't bother me. But it did. I know you just had a legitimate question about misplacing your stuff; I know you're not trying to mess with me or anything. But seeing your name pop up on my phone every week or so is destroying me more and more. Please, please, please stop. Everything I own is at your place, take what you want and replace what you don't have/misplaced. It's just things and not worth the emotional heartache you are putting me through by reaching out. It's not fair that you don't care anymore and you're moving on with your life while I'm emotionally crippled because you're ghost won't leave me alone.

 

If you can't honor that request, then please, I am begging you...just stay out of my head at night. Sleep is the only thing I had to look forward to but thanks to the dreams I had last night, that's no longer safe either. You're everywhere I go and I can't get you out.

 

I would give anything to go one day...hell even an hour, without thinking of you or crying over you. To know there is some light at the end of this cold, dark, and terrifying tunnel....

Oh my gosh! I thought I wrote this post! I was doing do well and my ex contacted me out of the blue asking me about something of his when he knew I gave everything back! It sent me on a downward spiral that I'm still trying to recover from months later!!

 

Sent from my SM-G903W using Tapatalk

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A-

 

A friend on here reminded me something I never considered. I apologized for my last text and you didn't acknowledge it at all. So, what is the point of telling you anything else? It's obvious that you've made up your mind and nothing I can say will ever change that. I just hate that a lot of this was my fault but can't show you I'm changing, or apologize, or make it up to you in any way. If I do, it pushes you even further away than you are now. In either scenario you're forgetting about me while I'm left here picking up the pieces. How screwed up is that?

 

Oh how I would give anything if you just opened up your heart to me one last time and hear me out. This is not fear based or me groveling. Again, I know we can't be together right now. It was the right call and I'm accepting that. But I just wanted you to know that my old self is coming back even better then before. I just want to apologize to you and tell you that I understand what you've been trying to communicate. I still want you in my life. I want to show you the changes I'm making. I want to be there for you because I know you're going through a hard time.

 

I keep remembering how you always told me "No one will try harder than me at a relationship. You just wait." And when it got tough on you, you just bolted. I stuck it out with you when you got depressed, times you freaked out on me for no reason, were absent because you had to work all the time, when you were in tears over your dead cat or your sick grandma. I was right there not giving up. I gave up everything just to be with you.

 

I want to get angry and scream and hate you but I don't have it in me. It's not who I am. I love you and want to see you happy. I don't blame you for anything that happened and I understand why.

 

....I just wished you would pick up that phone and call me before it's too late. Or is it already too late? Yeah, it's probably already too late.

 

Nevermind.

 

Oh look at that, I made it until 4:30 without crying over you. Progress! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to crawl back into my bed and sob for 3 hours.

 

Love always,

 

N

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Last night made a week since the day my world came crashing down. A week since you told me you loved me, a week since I've heard your voice, and a week since I've had any contact from you.

 

Was it ever real? Did you ever love me? I look back and I can see the inconsistencies, but I still never doubted your feelings for me. I trusted that you truly was busy with work and I trusted you when you said it wouldn't always be so busy. I trusted you and waited for you because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

 

You made me happy. Your girls made me happy. I loved when you all came to my house. I enjoyed them and it touched me how accepting of me they were.

 

I dont want to believe this is over. I don't want to believe that you don't care. I wish you would realize that you want me just as had as I want you, but I'm starting to realize that will never happen. I have to find a way to let go.....I'm just not sure I'll ever be able to.

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Dear J,

Today would’ve been our one year together but you left three weeks ago. I think of my last night with you. We drove to Indiana, got a hotel and it was just us two. We got wine and when you climbed on the bed to kiss me your foot knocked it over and spilled it and we giggled and after we cleaned it up I poured us two glasses. You would be leaving for six weeks the next day for work.... so I proposed a toast. “To finding our way back to each other, I love you” it said. We ordered Italian food to the room and spent an amazing last night together.

The next morning while I did my hair and makeup you looked at me from the bed and said “you’re the most beautiful girl to ever even talk to me, much less love me.” I climbed back into bed next to you and draped my arm over your chest. “I am going to miss you so much these next six weeks,” I said.

It was 5am, still dark out, and we were out having the last drags of our cigarettes when the shuttle to the airport came for you. You kissed me goodbye. If I would’ve known it was our last, I probably would’ve kissed you longer.

 

That’s my last tangible memory of you. Only two weeks later you decided you weren’t ready for a relationship anymore. I would give anything to feel you look at me the way you did April 7th. I feel sick to think of you looking at another girl with that longing in your eyes. Now you don’t respond to me, anymore. It’s been a week since I begged you back and got no answer.

It feels like someone’s squeezing my heart whenever I think of you. I haven’t cried in a week, but today I can’t stop. I just want to make the pain stop.

Today, on our one year, will you even think of me? Because I can’t stop thinking of you.

Edited by Noelle94
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One more thing J, before you left I filled you a journal. Thirty nine pages to represent the thirty nine days you’d be gone to Texas. You read it and told me it was the best thing you’d ever received from anyone. You had tears in your eyes.

Where is the journal now? Each page had a reason I loved you, or a memory we shared written on it. Do you look at it, and miss me? Does it remind you of happy times you had forgotten? Or did you leave it behind in Texas? Did you even bring it home with you? Or is it in a dumpster somewhere? The gift I worked on for 5 hours... drawing pictures, filling it with Polaroids of us and me... I put my heart into it... is it buried in the bottom of a junk drawer? Was it accidentally kicked under your bed, collecting dust?

The thought kills me. It’s eating me up. I hope you pick it up one of these days and maybe you’ll decide to call? A girl can only dream, right?

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A-

 

Sorry I'm writing you so early in the day. I usually write at night but this can't wait. I have some bad news. This is the last time we will talk. I was going to keep writing you until next week when I get my furniture back from your place. But it just keeps setting me back. This accomplishes nothing but putting more tears in my eyes. Listen, I love you....the only thing I wanted was for you to believe in me. I wanted you to believe I could change/grow. I wanted you to believe that even if we couldn't be together right now, we could be some day. I wanted you to believe my apology and how sorry I am. But you don't. You've made it clear that you don't care anymore. You've made it clear that there is nothing I can do or say. So, this is the way I have to say goodbye...

 

So...I'm sorry I didn't do better and try harder. I let you down, A. I never thought we had so many problems that would result in a breakup. I never knew my actions would lead to this cold and lonely reality. I failed you, I failed me...I failed us. I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me. But by that time, we'll both have moved on and none of it will matter.

 

I hope you find the happiness you deserve. And I'm ever so grateful for having you in my life. I'll never forget the first time we met and how you looked at me. I'll never forget our first date. I'll never forget the first time we said I love you. I'll never forget our vacations in Denver and Mexico, and our silly dates nights. I'll never forget our jokes, I'll never forget our nerding out adventures, I'll never forget any of it....I'll never forget you A. You've been one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Goodbye, my beautiful and lovely, A. I Love You So Much.

 

Go and get out of here.

 

Your N

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I miss you so much it's killing me. Tonight is the closest I'm come to contacting you. I want to know why you called me tonight. I want so so much to text you and ask, but I won't. This is so hard.... so painful. I just want to cry. It's been a month and I think about you all day long. I'm completely distracted while I'm at work, I can't focus. I miss you first thing in the morning, at lunch time and all evening. I just miss you. I don't know what to do to get over you. You have hurt me. I just wish the healing was over and that I could get on with my life without you and move on.

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Every day it gets a little easier to let you go but nothing will make up for the void you have left in my life. You were my lover and my best friend and now they are both gone. Its sad that from now on we won't share any of the special moments we did in the past and that rather than a deep relationship everything will be superficial and lies. Unfortunately I can't just go No Contact like the others here because you and I work together every day and I have to suffer as I watch you develop a new relationship right in front of me as I am left to fend for myself. Whatever happened to all the promises we made to one another, that we'd be together forever, so many dreams smashed, so many things that could have been.

And now you just make excuses and tell me it was caused by little things that in the past never seemed to bother you at all. You've manufactured reasons and excuses that you never would have used just six months ago. I don't know if I can handle this world on my own, please come back to me!

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So what's this new guy got that I don't have? Is he tall like I am, does he own a company like I do? does he have friends and family like I do? Is he younger and better looking than I am, does he drive a nicer car, a bigger boat, a better job, more money, nicer kids. What's your new plan? You mentioned in passing that he lived in another state, when do you find time to date him? How soon are you moving in with him? Are your kids changing schools again? How can he possibly love you as much as I do?

 

You're trading having me 7 days a week for a guy you can only see once or twice a week and on holidays?

 

It's 4:30 AM and I can't sleep because these questions are running through my brain. How could you have thrown away our relationship for someone else after all we've been through?

 

I miss you so much!

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J,

Ten days of no contact. This is the longest I’ve gone without reaching out to you. I’m proud of myself for fighting all the urges. I have no other option but to post on here because my friends have already said “you’ll be okay” so many times that I hear them getting bored.

You knew I struggled with depression and anxiety. You said to me “we’re going to get through this together, I want to be there for you”. Then three days after I started my therapy and medication (to be a better person for US) you bailed. How can I even tell if my antidepressants are working when you basically tore my heart out and put it through a meat grinder? I can’t tell if I’m getting better because I’m sad every day over you. I’m so mad at you for this. I feel like I’ve taken one step forward and two steps back.

 

In January it was ME who left you. I was doing fine. I was happy, I was looking forward to the single life. Until you came back and begged me like a sad pathetic puppy dog and I took you back. How on earth is it possible that I’m this heartbroken now over you?? Only six months ago I was feeling so good to be alone and now I’m a mess.

I lost thirteen pounds, simply from the sadness causing me not to eat. I’m finally getting my appetite back, finally sleeping more than 5 hours a night. Little improvements.

 

I bought a new car, a 2018 to make myself feel better. I covered my old tattoo with a new one (I know you saw on fb because you told me you liked it, meaning you still stalk my social media). You used to love my tattoos most about me. I bought festival tickets so I can have a good time, I got a tan. I got my nails done. Anything I could to make myself feel better. Oh yeah, and remember how you promised we’d get a place together? Well I signed a lease to my own place. All of this in three weeks.

But despite all this “self improvement”, I still feel empty. I would trade all of this just to have you love me again and I hate that I think that way.

I told you a secret about me a few months ago. I wanted to be a writer when I was little. I showed you some of my poetry and you told me I should write more for you. Well, I’m writing for you. But unfortunately you’ll never see this.

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My garden is doing so well thanks to all of this rain. There are cucumbers and tomatoes ready to pick. And all I want is to show you pics. You seemed so excited about my garden.

 

You should be coming this weekend and then the kids could finally see what we worked for and finally get to pick the vegetables they helped me grow.

 

I keep going back to why. Why did you keep bringing your kids around me if you knew you was going to leave? Was it a way to keep me feeling secure? I just dont even want to go there because that is despicable. I hope you would never use your children in that way.

 

But I cant come up with any other explanation because while you was here with me and your kids, you was checking out other women online. Looking for your next relationship while I played with your children believing they would always be in my life. Believing that you really did love me and that we were in it for the long haul.

 

I hate this. I miss you so much!

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I'm about to go to my first counseling session. I'm not sure what to expect and I'm not sure what I want to happen. I still so much want for you to reach out and tell me you made a mistake. How can I be nothing to you now?

 

The presumed dead elephant ear bulb I replanted is sprouting. Idk why but it gave me some hope.

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J,

You texted me yesterday. You told me you would like to meet up. You told me you really wanted to see me one last time.

But I can’t. If all you want is to look me in the face and say goodbye I’d rather not. I know I begged you to meet me, but not for closure. I wanted to reconsile. If that’s not what you want, then you would just be putting me through more pain.

I told you I couldn’t. Not if you didn’t want to be together.

You asked me what I want. I told you I want to be happy and if you didn’t want me, I’d be happier alone.

“But what do YOU want Noelle?”

“Do you love me, J? Or don’t you? If you don’t, I can’t meet you. And you have to let me go.”

“Of course I love you Noelle... but still... what does this mean for us?”

How can you ask me this. How could you ask me what I want. I wanted us to work. :(

“You know what I want. I wanted us. I can’t sleep at night, and when I do I have nightmares of you breaking up with me again and again. I just don’t want to hurt anymore.”

 

You never replied.

Ten days of no contact, starting over. Day one.

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Day 2 No Contact, 3 Days since Breakup.

 

I know you know that I'm upset and I hope you one day learn to stop treating people horribly when it suits you. You're expecting me to beg for you back, aren't you? You're in for a shock.

 

I gave you a second chance because I really liked you and you threw it away again. I put so much on the line for you. Why you think I'd want to remain friends with you is beyond me.

 

Learn to be single, figure out what you want and have a nice life. Stop using your insecurity as an excuse to mess people around. I know that most likely you're gonna go back to your ex. Enjoy xoxo

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Dear V,

I know you are heading off to your niece's wedding this weekend, and then going to stay with your a sister for a few days during next weeks half term holiday, and I really genuinely hope you have a nice time, and get to relax a bit.

 

The invitation came through while we still together, and you never once asked if I wanted to come along. I didn't push it, as I assumed you might want a break or something, but it nagged away at me. I don't want to think of you as calculating but maybe you had already decided that I wouldn't be on the scene when this weekend rolled around. Is that the case? Had you already decided my time was up, months before it actually happened?

 

I wonder will you meet friends and family who ask after me because they don't know that we are no longer together. What will you say to them? Will it just be a brusque, "oh we split up, and how are you..." or will it give you pause for thought. And your sisters and your mother, all of whom told me that they had never seen you as happy as you were with me. Will they ask about me, and how you are coping with the split? Will you think of me at all while you are away....and more importantly when will I stop caring if you do or not.

XX

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I miss you. I wish I could talk to you ... see you ... touch you. But I can’t. You have reached out to me at least once a week since we split up. But I haven’t answered for the last 2 weeks so I think you will stop very soon and that makes me so sad. I just miss you so so much.

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I guess that really is it, huh.. approaching seven months since you broke up with me, after 8 years together and just before such huge, amazing, and happy changes for both of us. Seven months, and while you last reached out to me only a couple weeks ago.. It's clear that you don't want to rebuild anything with me or ever bring back any of the things we shared. No real cause for the breakup, nothing happened, issues we'd had were getting resolved.. it was just that you got the hots for someone else. And now it seems like you've forced yourself to live with your decision -- lied to yourself about who I am and even what my hobbies are, lied to yourself about your own feelings.. done everything you can to live with your decision.

 

I guess that's it. I was nothing to you this whole time. You were everything to me this whole time.

 

That's fine. I will find a new person to give everything to. Someone to cook with, make music with, explore things with, watch silly videos with. And this time, life will be good for me and I will be able to give them everything I was preparing to give to you.

 

I hope you find someone who will love you as I did. I hope I find someone who will love me as you didn't.

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