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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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It's more than 2 weeks since you last tried to contact me. I won't reply.

Through the small network we work in, i have found out you are not happy. I have found out you are looking to move away from this city.

Grass wasn't greener after all, huh?

 

Here's the thing. I'm not that bothered about you anymore. Well, that's not really true. You still come to my mind when i see or hear certain things. I still wonder how you are. I wonder about the dynamic between you and the vile specimen that ultimately freed me from your abusive clutches.

People are seeing the real you now. I'm not there to counter it anymore. They saw it all those years ago and remained silent for my sake.

You can carry on with your smoke and mirrors routine for as long as you feel it takes.

But you will never be real.

 

I'm exhausted. I still don't sleep much. Not for the same reasons anymore. Not because my mind won't rest trying to work out who you are cheating on me with this time. Not because i wonder what mood you will wake up in. Not because i have no money to get to work for the rest of the month because you spent it all.

 

I don't sleep now because I'm processing the lessons learned from allowing someone like you to steal my soul. I'm trying to mentally arrange my free time and split it between all the people that have come back into my life since you left.

 

So carry on with your facade. Carry on with your smear campaign against me. Carry on pretending that you are something you are not.

 

To answer your question. The cat is doing just fine. She's eating properly again. She curls up on my lap when i read and she sits in the sink while i take a bath. She sleeps at the end of the bed while i toss and turn.

I think she was in mourning for the two months you had her after you kicked me out.

Cats mourn. Did you know that? I left as for work one day and never came back. How was she to know what had happened? I wish she could talk and share with all the lies she heard you tell the blonde about me.

 

As for me; I'm doing good.

Better than i was.

I can't put my finger on when i turned the corner. I turned it and that's all that matters.

Four months is not a long time given how long we were together. I'm told it takes years to get over the kind of emotional abuse I've been through.

 

I know this. I will get over it.

That's my focus. Healing the parts of me that allowed you to damage.

 

As for you. You are well on your way to being a carbon copy of your mother. Good luck to anyone that you manage to draw into your web of lies and deceit.

Remember, you said it yourself, i know you better than anyone.

 

Save yourself any future need to contact me by knowing that me and the cat are doing just fine

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm sad and lonely today. It's a beautiful sunny day, and I'm sitting inside staring at the stupid computer, and "communicating with you" in the only way I can.

 

Eight weeks ago exactly, you dumped me. Nine weeks ago exactly, we saw each other for the last time. It seems like a lifetime ago. When you left, you kissed my forehead, not my lips. It seemed sweet at the time. Now I realize it was because you were done. You were already gone, you just hadn't officially left yet.

 

I haven't cried in awhile, but I did this morning. I was out with the dog and a couple strolled past me holding hands. And I just lost it. I'll never forget our second date, when you casually reached over and took my hand. We were in a crowded store and I was a little bit behind you. I was so glad for that because I had the biggest stupid grin on my face, and I couldn't make it stop and didn't want you to see it and realize what a dork I am. And how thrilled I was by your small action of taking my hand.

 

God I miss you. I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you. It HURTS so bad today. I've been down this healing road before and I know there are ups and downs. Today is down. Wayyyy down. It's one of those days where I want to close the curtains, crawl back in bed, and just wonder what the exact point of life is now. Because I always thought the point was to be happy. And I am a really long ways from happy.

 

The worst part is knowing that you probably ARE happy. Secure in your decision to end things, busy with your crazy work schedule, hanging out with your bros, and yeah... by now you're probably dating someone new. You're handsome and charming. It wouldn't take long for someone to take interest in you. Women used to admire you when we were out, even with me right beside you! So yeah, I'm pretty sure you're dating. Have you kissed her yet? Made love to her? Fallen asleep with your arms wrapped around her? Do you pull her even closer and kiss the back of her neck, all while you're still asleep, like you used to do with me?

 

Have you forgotten me completely????

 

I miss you, and I love you, and I wish I didn't. Today I wish I could hate you. It would be so much easier. I wish you'd been a jerk and treated me badly. Then I wouldn't be thinking about how wonderful you are, and how well you treated me, and how now you're giving all of that to someone else, because for whatever reason, I wasn't worthy anymore.

 

Today is a very bad day.

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I am feeling low. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I always end up falling for people who can't or won't love me back.. I miss you like crazy and I keep trying to predict when I will hear from you again, if at all.... Went out w someone to distract me last night, before going out I was bawling about you.. Then I dk if I just subconsciously really wanted to forget u or just because he was so good looking but it was a repeat of you basically.... We slept together ... Why did I do that I dk.. I wanted to I guess ... It was amazing , but he was verrrrry non chalant about me.. So much so that I almost left afterwards but ended up staying simply Bc I was still drunk and it wasn't worth it... This morning he barely hugged me goodbye and then made a joking comment saying you think it would've been better if we didn't hug... I wonder if it's Bc my self worth is so low that I attract people who treat me like garbage into my life .. I'm feeling torn, half of me wants to just back off like back 100000 feet off and "play the game" let him chase me and get anxious /excited and the other part of me is like screw it... Just stop giving a . Problem is whenever i think about that and seeing him at work, it makes me really sad and uncomfortable. But I have this weird intuition that no matter what I do, it's not going to end in me being happy I do think I deserve someone good, but it just isn't happening right now and I know I need to shift my focus to work and getting to LA, but it's so much easier said than done... It would be so nice to have these feelings and get to nourish them/be reciprocated... Doing things like cooking together and having fun.. Feeling how I feel now the excitement. Guess now just isn't my time.

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I can't believe it's already been 2 months seen I've seen you. I've been wanting to send one final text or letter to you but will not break NC over 6 weeks now. I hate the way things ended over a text message. I was so hurt and could only respond the way I did. I refused to beg and plead and wind up being called "crazy" like you called your former gf. I'm sure I'm erased out of your phone and you've moved on to one of your other dating prospects. I wish you gave us a chance rather than cut things short. I wish I still didn't have feelings for you. You are the first person since my divorce that I have had these feelings for. You really have left me so confused but I'll have to sort it out on my own and move on.

Edited by Loveart
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I feel like a helpless , wounded bird and it sucks. I hate being weak and helpless. It's pathetic. I am pathetic. Why can't I just be chill? Why do I have to be burdened with these feelings while you're whateber about the situation... I feel like I have to stand up and say things and after when I'm waiting forever for your response that I know I'll hate, I regret saying anything.guess I'm not good at a one night stand. These nights never seem to go to plan, I don't want u to leave will u hold my hand.. I hate that when you answer nothing will reach resolve, Bc to you it's nothing I'm just nothing so you have no problems telling me things to delay me so you can figure it out and get time while I get pain and rejection. Pain Bc nothing I feel is reciprocated and Bc I am not a person who can hold back or not give a when I do. It would be easier if I could.. But not really. Suppressing your emotions for someone to catch up never results in you feeling better.. Only cutting your losses and going brought the apain , Bc this is just perpetuating the ultimate moment where this will happen. And if u don't do it now , you'll be even more screwed up later He can't appreciate you, but someone else will. Even if u don't have those intense drug feelings, at least you'll be stable and eventually happy

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I miss you. It's been over 2 weeks since I last saw you/since we last spoke. You didn't respond to my text that I made it home safe, even though its a text you asked for. I wonder if I'll ever talk to you again. I wonder if there is someone else. I wonder if you'll ever think back on this decision with regret.

 

I want so badly to move on. I am moving on as best I can. I just wish I didn't have to.

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It has been 7 months since you left me. I wake up every morning in disbelief that this is my reality. That you are in the arms of another man. That you have completely ghosted me out of your life and go on as if our 4 year relationship never existed. I wasn't perfect, but I didn't cheat on you, I didn't steal from you, I didn't do drugs, I'm not alcoholic. I did nothing but love you and your son. You were my family, my love...my home.

 

You have left me so broken hearted. I wish I could move on so easily as you have, but I love you so much that I continue to stay in the emotion hell.

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I'm ready to start treating myself with love and respect. Why waste my devotion and energies on someone who doesn't recipeocate and who makes me feel upset every day? If u put something out you deserve it back and maybe I'm preventin myself from getting it Bc I don't believe I deserve love from someone who is attractive and successful and a total package.. Maybe that's why I attract people to me that have those things but I can't receive love from them. I need to work on myself and put myself first. Sacrificing my happiness for someone else's isn't going to fulfill me, it leaves me sad and in anguish. It leaves me here, alone. I'm going to start focusing on people that make me feel good about myself, even if it isn't sparkly and like the most insane rollarcoaster , at least it's all positive and real

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I miss you. I miss my best friend. You're in "our room" while I'm in the spare room both watching the playoffs without each other. Do you even miss me? When we pass awkwardly in the kitchen, do you ever want to reach out and hug me like I want to hug you? Does the LC kill you as much as it kills me? It's been 10 long hard days without you...living with you but without you. You told me to take my time to find a place. Truth is, I'm too scared to find a place because that means not seeing you everyday. I know I need to go on with my life but I can't when my life was supposed to be with you...

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It's amazing what a difference a year makes. A year ago, my children and I were with you and your son in Pittsburgh. We were finally starting our lives together as a family. Today, I am going into an intestive therapy program while you are at the beach with your new boyfriend and his sons. This is not the way it was supposed to turn out. Your decision to leave has hurt so many. I never thought you were capable of doing this.

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I still can't believe I actually sent you a letter. I didn't want to break NC but I never was able to say everything I wanted to say in response to your break up text. I hope you check your mailbox and it doesn't lay there indefinitely of worse when you go out of town someone picks up your mail. I hope you are alone when you read it. I do feel better saying everything I wanted to say. I hope this helps me to move on. I am trying to the best that I can.

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T,

I miss you. Driving along M Dr., I so much miss the good time we spent in Vancouver. That was the time we started out as a family, you, me and my son A. You became A's daddy when he introduced you to his friends. You were his daddy, in the past 10 years.

We loved each other, but we did so many things wrong and now we are far apart. When you broke up with me to be with your high school sweetheart, I was miserable. You wanted me to move on, you wanted me to set you free, but when I tried to, you came back. I didn't learn how to forgive you and rebuild our relationship, instead, I kicked you out as a revenge. It's been two years since you left this house, I have never stopped hoping for you to come back. I want us to be like before, T. I can't let you go.

But I know you will go. You met your new girl on your vacation, now you are planning to help her get the visa to come stay with your family, and to help her move to this country if things go well. You said she's pretty, you didn't even want to show me her picture as you said it will hurt me. Did she inspire you to live a new life? Do you love her?

One week later, if you don't call me, I will know that you choose to be with her. I know you will T. That thinking kills me, I can feel my heart physically hurting.

I know you don't care about if I hurt any more. Now you have a new girl.

I didn't know you met her on your vacation. In the past two months, I missed you everyday and didn't stop hoping to see your car outside of the house. I wanted you to come back and be with us, be like a family as before, you, me and A. But I didn't know your heart belonged to someone else already.

I know you will not call. You are still nice and patient to me, but you said maybe you should not be so soft with me how if you were mean.

I want you to be my family, we could have our baby if you like. Tell me you still love me T. Tell me you will stay!

One week... I don't know how am I going to survive this one week. And when you don't call by the end, how am I going to let you go as I promised??

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I am proud of myself. Today was not exactly as perfect as I had planned, but I made a step in the right direction and that is what this is about. After me suggesting we meet up and you saying yes but then ignoring me when I asked you when I decided i had enough of abusing myself. Enough of being the only one who cares and I wouldn't contact you today. So around 6:30 I get a message from you answering my text from last night saying I think probably next week.... Not even a date. I did reply to the content in your message and then light heartedly said oh waiting a week okay.. You responded to the other content and ignored that of course . I didn't respond and haven't / will not be reaching out. Conversation can dwindle to casual and whatever . I did a meditation to heal and it rejuvinated me. I do not want negative energy in my life. Tomorrow I will fix my emotional eating, I will do yoga and a log workout. I'll get everything in order and start focusing on positivity instead of dwelling on negativity. I will expel negativity from my life. It's no longer allowed to be present. Which means I no longer want to invite rejection and you into my life. There are a million people in the world and I need to surround myself with ones who can care for me and support me. Which is why I'm going to go bowling w a friend and enjoy being happy.

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Fighting the urge to not contact her so bad. Going to visit family in my home country tomorrow. We had been planning her coming with me for the first time to meet my extended family for so long, and while I know I should focus on seeing my family, I know I will be yearning her presence so badly.

 

I just wish I knew what she was thinking -- this is the longest we have gone without contact in a year and a half. Has anything changed in her mind? Is she in love with the new guy? Who the hell knows.

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7 weeks since you broke up with me. I wonder if you are just dating or already found someone you want to be your girlfriend. I wonder if you've already lined someone up to spend time with you while you are house sitting. I thought I'd be going there with you. My letter will probably arrive today. No idea if or when you will check your mailbox. Will you read it? I need to assume you will and that I said what I needed to say. I bet you will be spoiled on Sun. I always thought you were a great Dad. One thing I really respected and admired about you. Trying to move on. Another date last night. Had a nice time not sure if we'll be going on a 2nd date. Liked him as a friend. He tried holding my hand a little during the date. Good night kiss only on the cheek. I miss doing things with you. I miss being with you. I wish you still wanted to be with me. When will Thursdays no longer mark the day you ended things...

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Why did you leave me? And are you coming back? Please tell me. I'm sick of being in limbo. I don't know if I should move on? Do I stop loving you? Do I start unpacking all my love? What do I do? I'm stuck. I want to be happy with you. But if you're done forever please tell me so I can move on. I'm paralyzed.

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Even with the ups & downs - I am missing you. No less than I was 2 weeks ago...the last time I saw you.I never thought that that we would get to the point that we would not communicate AT ALL. When do you stop thinking about someone you were with for years to move on? I try to trick my mind by having random conversation online but that actually doesn't work at all. It's like you are in my thoughts even more now than when we were together. It's crazy that these strong emotions occur in the middle of the day & when I'm surrounded by people, rather than at night when I am at home, in bed. ... I thought we worked things out and then it just got worse. I still have yet to start the "no contact" its maddening. How can you (seemingly) just forget about me or just move on and I'm here wondering how to fix it??

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I don't get it! Everything was great, beyond amazing. You broke up with me for no reason other than to keep your options open because you are young and don't know what you want. You will regret it one day and I'm angry and so hurt you led me on. I do miss you and hope one day you realize he potential we had. I wonder if she even thinks about me...

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I would think by now you read my letter. I think deep down I must have been hoping for a reply. You would realize what a mistake it was to let me go. I'm sure you're enjoying online dating and all the options out there. Hope the next girl isn't as lucky as me to receive a text meant for someone else. That was real nice...felt like the rug was pulled out from under me. I want to forget you and will consciously make an effort to stop thinking about you if the thought comes. I said everything I needed to in the letter. I obviously meant NOTHING to you.

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Day 1. Blocked. Im annoyed and hurt but not surprised. I will not take your words as truths. I have my entire life ahead of me, I am not stuck in one place or to one job. You are an for saying degrating things about my character. Your insanity and addictions are so beyond disgusting. I laugh that you think any successful woman would ever ever tolerate you and your anger and anti social behaviors. So gross and a turn off. You aren't even capable of 2 way calm conversations. You are a needy lunatic. Good riddance. I know there is better out there for me. 100% better. All you have is a business to boast about. Big deal. That is one small part of life. You will be miserable and alone forever unless you change your unattractive unpleasant ways.

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