Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[LovelyDani87]

Well, it's been almost 3 weeks NC and I was truly hoping to hear from you today, a friend of mine told me her ex texted her yesterday to meet up and it gave me a small dose of hope..but as the day went on I started to realize it wouldn't be today.

[Hazyillusions]

Last night I deleted more than a year and half of messages. It felt surreal.

 

I know this is for the best. We have some pretty big problems.

That doesn't change the fact that I love you and wished that it was different.

That you were more mature. That you didn't have such a pride issue.

That we could have continued to grow.

I love you so much B.

[alc16]

I'm not doing this because I'm sad.. I'm doing this because it would down right rude to text you about how happy I am lol, but oh so tempting. I'm doing good.. Your text last night didn't effect me at all. I'm genuinely happy, but when you do cross my mind it is usually anger because I think about all the lies you told everyone, how horrible you made me out to be.. They'll never know the truth, nevermind believe it.. I guess I'll have to get used to that.

 

I remember before you moved out.. I came home with ice spheres and you went on a rampage about how I was just going to throw parties and be a wh*re when you moved out. Well, its been 2 months and I haven't been a wh*re.. I have partied a bit but this weekend will the first time I throw a party since you moved out. It feels good to not feel embarrassed about the apartment anymore.. Why? Because I finish what I start unlike you. The entrance doesn't smell like old beer, with bags of cans leaking all of the floor in the porch, there will be nobody to complain about every music but his..

 

You kept saying I took your friends, they were your friends first.. Clearly they saw something they liked better in me.. They were the ones the would tell me to leave you, and they didn't know the half of it.

They are the only reason why I don't regret dating you..

[Butterfly2222]

-I don't usually post on here, but I am having a bit of a rough day. My friends are all tired of hearing it, so I need to let it out.-

 

It's not so much that I want to text you, but wish you would text me. I couldn't text you because I don't want to know if your feelings have ceased or if you have moved on. Like I told you, I can't be your friend and watch you move on. The unknown is far less painful.

 

I've been avoiding doing my homework today(you know which subject) because it just reminds me of you. Makes me think of our previous conversations and the conversations we could be having on the subject.

 

It has been over three weeks since we have last spoken. I tried to talk to other guys. I even had a two week fling, but it all just made me miss you more. I still love you, but I'm trying my best to move on.

[sunshine34]

I'm so beyond screwed.... I don't have this situation under control what so ever.. I haven't spoken with you in over a week and I think for sure it's over. How can I be falling for someone who doesn't care for me in the same way.. Who just told me he can't feel anything Bc he's afraid. But you're drew all over again. I don't care Bc I'm so happy to feel this way Bc I have to Bc it's the only way to feel alive .. I convinced myself I could back off by not calling as much or by trying to see others but I can't. Even tonight I tell u I'm just going to wait for u to catch up and I'll be fine, I need to cool it... You leave me to talk to your brother when I'm not even sure it's your brother. I told you about my date tomorrow and you want to leave you seem upset but why? Why? If I'm just some fleeting thing why does it bother you? then I get all these ideas and rushes of hope again start thinking about moving and being with you and how all I want is to be with you on my bday..... Only, you haven't even asked me to come see u I'm jumping way to far ahead again. And I'm the only one here. I reach out to fix it and I am left alone . Again.

[Jennyhen]

You've been messaging me saying you miss me even though I know it probably doesn't mean much deep down it still made me feel a tiny bit smug as apparently your so happy and in love with her, hahaha if you were that happy you wouldn't be thinking about me!! Funny how your missing me while I'm turning a little corner from the heartbroken stage to the angry stage!! I'm moving on slowly but surely

[Seymore]

Overall I've been doing better, but today really sucked. I know it's your twins' 18th birthday today. I wish I could be there to help you set up the streamers and bake their favorite cake like in years past, but this year I can't. I remember you telling me they hate me now since I left. I regret never saying goodbye to them - they were like sons to me, and my head was spinning from breaking up with you. I didn't know what to say to them, just looked at them and left. I didn't even know if I'd be gone forever. So much happened in those few minutes and I wish I could apologize to them. Happy birthday to both of them. Messed up as you are, you did raise three wonderful boys. I hope mine are that good, if I ever get to have a kid.

[gundam94]

There is so much I want to say, I don't know where to begin. But I will try to keep this as short as possible.

 

I guess I'll start with your email. I have shown it to my new therapist, my old therapist, my psychiatrist (who I've been seeing for over 15 years) and several women who have been in abusive relationships. I'm happy to say that they have all said that I am NOT abusive. Furthermore all of the mental health professionals I am seeing also work with victims of abuse. They have told me that abuse victims don't write “self-righteous, holier-than-thou” (their words, not mine) letters to their abusers. Victims of abuse get weaker, more dependent, the fail to see the abuse as abuse, they are more concerned about what they did to hurt their partner then they are about themselves, and they certainly don't threaten their abuser with physical violence. Victims of abuse do the exact opposite of everything you had in your email. They have pointed out that I have those symptoms. The women I talked to who have been abused echoed what the mental health professionals said. They have all asked me this question: Who was abusing who?

 

They have pointed to you because of your email and your priorities in our relationship. Your emails sole purpose was to guilt and shame me, while blaming me for everything wrong in your life (even things I have absolutely no control over or where already present in your life before we met), you made things about you when it had nothing to do with you (like when I took my anger out on myself) and taking absolutely no responsibility for your own actions and choices. As for your priorities, they said the fact that you put all the responsibility onto me for setting up “dates” because “you didn't want to invite yourself over” is absolutely ridiculous. They called that “toxic delegation”, in other words you put me in a “no-win” situation and I was set up to fail from the beginning. That is a form of emotional abuse. One of many they have pointed out to me. You are correct, you should never have to cancel your plans for me. However you should've been actively looking for time for us to spend together. You chose not to. Your excuse of being busy is just that, an excuse. The real reason is you didn't care about my needs or feelings. I simply wasn't that important to you. They have told me if I was you would've put more effort into the relationship, instead of pushing almost all of it on me.

 

All of them also pointed to how you interacted with me the first time you saw me after you sent your email. They said that if I really was the monster you accused me of being or if you really believed I was that monster, you would've acted much differently. If it was true or you really believed it you would never have been in the same room as me or sat that close to me or talked to me. They all, myself included, believe now that you made those accusations just to hurt me.

 

As for who abused who? For me that is a difficult question to answer. That was until I got that anonymous email. I learned more about you in those few hours then I have in the past few years. It not only showed me that you lied to me during our entire break up, it showed you had been lying to me for months beforehand. Because of this I have realized that our entire relationship was a lie. I have realized that I never knew the real you. That's why it felt like I was arguing with a stranger. It's because I was, I was meeting the real you for the first time. It opened my eyes to just how much you had manipulated me at the end of our relationship. You've probably been doing it the entire time and I was to blinded by love to see it.

 

Why didn't you just tell me the truth? Why did you compound lie after lie? I know you wanted to leave. I know you wanted to date Nick. I know you didn't love me anymore. If you “just want a normal relationship”. Which so did I and expect for the obvious I thought we did. I guess i was very wrong. I know you were having an emotional affair with Nick. It really bothered me you were spending so much time with somebody you knew had romantic feelings for you. It really bothered me you saw him more frequently than you saw me. Every time I would mention that, you assured me I had nothing to worry about. I had no reason not to trust you, so I did. I see now that doing so was a major mistake. In any case, you should have told me the truth. I know you were planning on dumping me for a while. That's why you never asked about our Christmas. You knew there wasn't going to be an “our Christmas”. I know you were home and bored during New Years. Again you lied about that. I know you did in fact dump me that first weekend. Then you lied to me afterwards. You lead me to believe there was a relationship to save, when you knew you there was nothing to save. You lead me on for 4 weeks thinking that you were working with me to try and save our relationship.

 

Those are just a fraction of the things I learned from that email. I have always been open and honest with you. Perhaps a little too much, but I expected you to do the same. I don't believe you have ever told me the truth.

 

As for my anger I will say this. I took out my anger and depression on myself. I'm sorry you had to witness that. I thought I could open up to you and you wouldn't judge me. Again I was wrong. You made that issue all about yourself. Claiming how much I made you suffer. I'm not saying it wasn't hard for you to hear. But I WANTED TO DIE! So how do you think I felt? Don't you think I was suffering? In your email it basically says you didn't care how I was feeling. The only thing you cared about was the fact that it made you feel bad. It had absolutely nothing to do with you. You made my problems about you. While I am not proud I subjected you to that, I can hold my head up high and be proud because I did go get help. I got help and got better. I transferred to machining and I am much happier now. I went and got help for my depression. I made the changes I needed to make. I am much happier now.

 

Also you said you couldn't wait around for me to change. But why should I be the only one to change? Shouldn't you be working on being less afraid of anger and yelling? Shouldn't we both be changing for each other? After all anger and yelling are a part of everyday life. Especially if you want to be a lawyer. Yelling and anger will part of your life every single day. It's very selfish to expect me to change for you when you're unwilling to do the same for me.

 

I'm not saying I did nothing wrong. I made my fair share of mistakes. Sometimes I was completely in the wrong, like when I yelled when you got pulled over. Sometimes I was in the wrong but my heart was in the right place, like when your uncle died. Others while I was in the wrong, they were completely non-issues. Best example is when I showed up at Starbucks, then left right away. I did make mistakes. But the sum of those mistakes do not come anywhere close to equaling how you treated me.

 

You said that I was your best friend. You said that you still love me. You said that you need me in your life. I'm sorry, but I no longer believe that. I would never do what you did to me to a friend, let alone a best friend. What you did was absolutely horrible, cold, heartless, selfish, entitled and immature. It shows a complete lack of empathy. It shows a complete disregard of my feelings. You treated me the exact same way your father treats you.

If you had been honest with me from the beginning, maybe things between us could be different. Unfortunately they are not. After everything you have said and done, I have absolutely no desire to talk to you. I have said some very hurtful things but they all pale in comparison to what you did.

 

The most unfortunate part of this entire thing is how you chose to end it. Out of all the options you could've chosen, you picked the worst possible one. If you had been honest and told me in person, things would be different. Would I have been upset? Of course. Would I have been hurt? Absolutely? Would I have still tried to save our relationship? Yes, I would've. The relationship still probably would've ended. But at least there would've been a better chance of us being friends again and maybe even a better chance of us trying again if you had made a different choice. What you did tells me that not only do you only care about yourself. It tells me just how little you valued me, our friendship and our relationship. It tells me just how little the past 3 years have meant to you. I won't lie, that hurts.

 

That is the saddest part about this. We were so good together. I knew once we got married we'd be unstoppable. I knew we would make a great couple. I knew we'd make great parents. While yes we had our rough spots and our fights, that's part of a relationship. It's not always sunshine and fun. Sometimes it's darkness and bad feelings. But the good times far far outweighed the bad. It was your choice to end our relationship. I did everything I could to save it. But you made your own choices and they are your choices alone.

 

It's unfortunate that you made the choice that you would rather face life without me in your life. When you could've had me standing by your side facing life together head on. I'm sad you made the choice to hide everything from me. I'm sad you threw away our relationship for absolutely no reason. But those were all choices you made and now we both have to live with those choices.

 

That's all I really wanted to say. I don't expect a response, honestly I don't even expect you to read this. This is for my own well being. I can now move on with my life.

I suppose I should thank you. Because of this I have opened my eyes. I have learned a lot about myself and I will be a much stronger, happier and better person because of this. This ordeal has reminded me of who I really am, it turns out I had forgotten over the past 2 years. I know, without a shadow of a doubt that I am an overly nice, caring and outgoing person. A person who puts the needs of others in front of his own. I'm not without my flaws and demons, everybody has them. But my positive qualities far outnumber and outweigh my negative ones. It's disappointing you're choosing not to see that and only focusing on my negative ones. In a relationship you accept your partner along with their flaws, nobody is perfect. It's unfortunate you're choosing to not understand that.

 

I have remembered who I really am. I know I will find someone. I will find somebody who wants to spend time with me. Somebody who treats me as an equal. I will find someone who will love and respect me as much as I love and respect them. They will be my partner in every sense of the word. I will treasure them and they will treasure me. I will make them happy beyond their wildest dreams. It really is a shame you decided that someone wasn't you.

 

With that I will take my leave. You made the choice that you no longer want me in your life. Despite how much I may care about you. As much as it may hurt, as much as I may not want to...With all that's happened, with all that you did, with all that you said. You have given me no other choice then to oblige you.

 

I will leave you with one final thought: They say you can tell who a person really is. What their true colors are by how they act during a break up. While yes in the beginning I said mean and hurtful things. However afterwards I tried my very best to save our relationship. You and I both know what you did.

[adviceplease2]

I'll probably run into again today, usually do on Thursdays. We may greet each other with pleasantries....which for some reason still hurts me.

 

I still miss you.....you called me first thing on my birthday....you made sure I knew about the school news the other day too.....why did you even bother. Seeing your number pop up on my birthday...was so....unexpected and odd to me. I guess it takes some special occasion or circumstance for you to talk to me. But, I'll never forget how hateful you were when you broke up with me....telling me you wished you'd never contacted me in the first place. I still read that text, that hateful text you sent me....just to remind myself what you feel.

 

All I wanted was you, your little girl, and our baby....to take care of all of you....to be a family. I'd let myself feel that we were basically already there, were a family....then you made me feel like I was the worst thing that ever happened to you, like I'd ruined your life, that I didn't want the pregnancy, that I'd turned your life upside down....but you never stopped to think about anything, you just lashed out and ended our relationship....

 

Then you called me on my birthday? Why did you do that? Why did you text to make sure I knew about the school stuff.....why....why. You didn't care at the beginning of the year when you broke up with me....why care now?

 

And still all it would take, after all this....is you telling me you do actually need me, need me to be there to help (which I've made clear to you I would be).

 

But I get it....I get it....you're determined to be pregnant with my baby and do it alone. You were part of my family....I allowed myself to fall too hard for you. You never deserved it, but you sure made me think you did.

[Waraqqa]

Not thinking about him at all is nearly impossible - last 2.5 years of my life were closely intertwined, we worked together. I knew it was bad for me, it was too risky to get attached, and part of me wanted to not come to work or work somewhere else, but I couldn't, that contract was an opportunity to finance my degree, my bread and butter. And when I finally moved (few months ago), it was too late - we got reinvolved and broke up again and got me way deeper than the first time. Now it feels like those neurons that fired together wired together. I don't know how to think of one without thinking of the other. Ugh. Work/study was/is supposed to be my refuge, not a source of craziness and pain.

 

Moreover, despite self pep-talk, I feel like there is something wrong with me, guilty, very unempowered. My identity and sense of self-worth was unreasonably tied to what he might think of me or his treatment. Partly b/c it is true in some regards. I knew we were not right for each other but gave him that second chance (got reinvolved). I broke it off very quickly afterwards (whereas after our first involvement one year prior, I blamed him for suddenly breaking up with me). Then I oscillated between apologising (felt guilty for having led him on and the reinvolvement) and telling him off (he stood me up a lot). I still hung on to our weird friendship which he said he cared for but blew me off unless he needed smth. Then I finally emailed him smth of a closure and unfriended him on social media. I feel like such an inconsequential idiot, led and swayed by all those emotions; none of which was the desire to be with him in a serious way anyways (that gut feeling). And yet I couldn't master myself. I was constantly afraid to upset him somehow; & tender memories of our first year when we were actual (and very close) friends. I just didn't want to believe the reality and see things for what they became, stuck in that old nostalgia and oscillating between melting from his charm and getting infuriated from his disregard, which went up and down like Jack the rabbit on a pogo stick, and so did self-esteem and inability to quickly decide an appropriate reaction. I wanted to project an image (and BE) both kind and confident, standing up for myself yet friendly and pleasant; but instead I look back and feels like I was a hysterical over-emotional dramatic person, a total doormat and then retroactively (too late) resentful.

[gundam94]

I have a very hard time understanding is your actions leading up to you dumping me. You acted as if everything was fine. The last date we had, which was on my birthday. The date itself was fantastic. Probably one of the best dates we've ever had. But looking back it was all lies. You started the tradition of giving me a rubber duck for my birthday, saying you're going to give me one every year. You said that knowing you were already going to leaving me. We held hands as we watched the movie. You did that knowing you were pursuing Nick. You told me you loved me. You said that knowing you no longer had romantic feelings for me. We went out to lunch and you said how you would love to do it again. You said knowing that there would never be a next time. We interlocked our legs under the table. You did that while you were having an emotional affair with Nick. We held hands as we drove home. I told you how I couldn't wait to do stuff like that with you every weekend and you agreed. You agreed, knowing that you no longer wanted to be with me in the future. It was all lies.

 

Then just a week later you came over. You cuddled up to me like you always do. But you wanted it to be Nick, not me. You told me you loved me but you no longer did. You said you couldn't wait till the day came where you wouldn't have to leave. You said that knowing that was the last time you were ever coming over because you already knew you were leaving me. You gave me absolutely no indication that you were unhappy. That you were planning on leaving me. You gave no indication that you no longer loved me. Little did I know that in just 3 weeks the person I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with would be turning my entire world upside-down. The fact that you did all that, while you were already pursuing Nick, didn't love me anymore and we're planning on leaving is absolutely horrible. I cannot even find words to describe just how disgusting that is. I have never met somebody who was capable of doing something that selfish and horrible. What you did is one of the most horrible things you can do to your significant other.

[sunshine34]

I'll get through this, it'll pass.. I'm sick of it though. The longing, the misunderstanding, feeling and being lost and alone . N doesn't want anything to do w me.. When he's the one who effed it up and missed my bday. I guess this was is out . A is so self centered he will never understand me or what happened . He can't let go of things that happened years ago. Let alone what really broke us. He also doesn't see clearly and can't see his fault in anything . No responsibility . Oh and Tim now is giving me the cold shoulder about tomorrow and Jen cancelled ok me last minute. When it rains it pours only the sun hasn't come out in a very long time for me.. 5 mos. when will the darkness end?????? I keep treading water and nothing is happening I'm stuck deeper in the hole

[Pleasedonot5]

Danielle,

 

I can't believe what you did. It was so out of character. You betrayed my trust so bad and made my life a wreck. You broke my heart and shattered my trust, you ruined some of my close friendships, and you took an organization I was professionally involved in from me.

 

Our relationship was perfect. I'm sorry for breaking up with you, but I needed it at the time. Had you not slept with a (former) good/close friend of mine, there is a significant possibility that we would be together and happy - able to work through any issues we had the first time, which admittedly were minor, although I needed time and space to rebuild myself.

 

You could have chosen any of the other 20,000 people on campus. Why one of my closest friends? Why did you ruin all possibility of trust, closure, and freedom from resentment for us?

 

If you still want something from me, do NOT expect me to pursue you. This is going to take trust and forgiveness in both ends - if you want this to work.

 

If not, have a nice life. And try not to take satisfaction in the turmoil in which you've thrown my love life and emotions.

 

Sincerely,

Zack

[awmd]

I've been over this girl for a long time just bored at work and wanted to play along

 

Wow you got really fat, and now have the reputation of sleeping with everyone you go out to a bar with. But your boyfriend now is okay with it cause he does the same thing.

It was for the best because I met an amazing girl a year later. So good luck with life

[star111]

Day 1 of not initiating contact.

I don't like that im still thinking about you and expecting a text or email. I dont even want to be with you!!!! At all. All you do is talk about yourself or get upset about everything. I dont even know if it is love I claimed to have felt all these years. Maybe its just a twisted attachment. You havent changed and still make me feel like everything is my fault. Insanity. I am just lonely. I need to choose better men that don't all have the same issues. I need to figure out me and choose better. I saw the red flags from day 1, and tried to leave. Now here I am shaken up all over again. It's not love its toxic. I actually hope I never hear from you again and I will happily move on to find the love of my life. I waa over you years ago. I don't know why you had to be selfish and re enter my life because you continued to find crappy relationships.

[adviceplease2]

Took the kids to a thing downtown this weekend.....kept thinking as I saw all these couples with their kids that the only thing that would have made it better is if you and your little girl were there with us.

 

Dont want anyone else but you. Tired of feeling unworthy.

[alc16]

You rarely cross my mind.. If I didn't have to drive by your place everyday I'm not sure if I would think about you at all.

 

Everything about you is finally out of my life, officially deleted your number and your text thread.

 

I had a wonderful time this weekend.. It didn't go as planned but it was good. I have met more new people in the past 3 months then I did in the 3 years we were together.. Not only did I go out with friends, but I can now bring them over whenever.. I can't express how happy that makes me, I missed this soooo much.

 

I think this is the last time I am going to post about you for awhile.. It feels like I don't need to anymore.

[adviceplease2]

I miss you...so much.

[sunshine34]

I did a healing meditation last night where u imagine dandelions and blowing away all the good and bad things about each other and the relationship.. It did feel healing but miraculously no overnight healing... I found a way to delete a number and not have it pop up as a suggestion when you write a new message. So now I know I've protected myself from relapse, you'd think I'd feel empowered but I just feel empty. Empty and Alone, upset it's so easy for you to drop me . Upset you haven't called , disappointed that you won't.. That you won't see me again even if I move to Cali again.. I wish you felt how I did. I wish we could have had what my mind saw, what my heart felt. I wish you would've been the one so the painful search would be over, now it's begun again..

[star111]

Day 1 again. I feel sooo stupid for sending you the long email late at night. I just vented nonsense. I want to erase you from my mind forever and always. I want to find a real love that works. I want to forget about you so badly that it hurts.

[luckypaxton]

Day 2.5 of NC, since you dumped me around noon on Sunday. I sense so much fear in you...fear because of the men who treated you badly in the past. But I'm not them. Why won't you listen to me when we talked? Why did you have to accuse me of everything short of cheating on you and stealing from you because you were upset when I asked what you meant by something? You say you value communication and that clarity and being clear is important....yet you blow up when I try to get clarity or communicate an issue I'm having? Why do you ask me what I want to do when you want to spend time with me and then jump to a conclusion that I expect anything other than that? Why did you have to be so hot and cold? What are you so afraid of? And why did you take it out on me? I didn't want to break up with you, I only wanted to understand where you were in the relationship so I could act appropriately. I wanted consistency, I wanted the accusations and attacks and mixed signals to stop. YOU said "It isn't working, is it?", and I didn't agree with that. I pointed out the obvious, that there are some big communication issues. YOU said you wanted a break. No, I didn't argue. I stated I'd respect it, and I asked what that looked like to you....such as did you want to talk at all, see each other at all, and if you had some timing in mind. If you didn't know or were not sure.....you should have told me that. Tell me "For now, I'm not sure. I need to think on it and get back to you. For now, I need/want to have the control over that." And the answer would have been "Ok, I respect that." Instead you told me "If you need 100 rules on everything then call it a break up.". And you hang up on me.

 

Yes, I sent you a text saying if/when you did want to talk, I'd be willing and that I would leave you alone until then. And you blew up at me, twisting my words from email and throwing them at me cruelly.

 

I don't know what is going on right now. I am hurt and confused and angry. But I'm not stupid enough to contact you. Despite the story of the guy you had a fight with when staying at his place one weekend and you left before breakfast and he didn't contact you for a week because he thought that's what you wanted. Because you aren't clear on what you want or need or expect or what things mean. So you broke up with him. No, he didn't contact you that week...but YOU walked out of HIS apartment over what you even said was petty BS.

 

Part of me realizes I'm much better off without you. Without THIS you anyway. But part of me sees and hears the other you in my head....the one from a month ago when you DID communicate and talk and open up and I understood you. I don't know where that you went. But I miss her.

[IAmFCA]

It isn't that I want to contact you. Its that if I did, we would understand each other. Its like youre my drug. I disrespect you, yet I have seen you excel and it confuses me. I have seen you question your values, and give up on yourself. Or, embrace what's provided you, anyway. I see how long you took trying to get me to leave you, and I wouldn't. That speaks well of me, but you made it work against me. What a p5134 that makes you. Its as if I want to yell at you, but I don't. I'm not interested. I do want you to tell the truth. I want you to say Yes, that's what happened. Why? To see your shame? Why waste my wisdom on someone who doesn't value it? What about integrity?

 

Its all smarmy. I've begin to see you as a trophy. I dated a trophy. That grosses me out.

 

I wish history made you look better than you were. Instead, it makes you undateable. Unfriendable. I don't know what your friends think, but it seems like you are making the rounds. Overlapping friend connections.

 

"I'm taking it slow."

 

Just don't lie anymore. Just don't. Actions speak loudest. Actions are practically yelling your future. Stand up. Own it. Want it.

 

Its gross. Maybe I can find a way to understand, not judge, accept, ignore.

[sunshine34]

I'm both annoyed and bored out of my mind right now... I need another career ASAP and I feel much closer there are so many things in my pipeline but the waiting and anticipation is really bugging me. Plus all of my male distractions are gone... The other lawyer flaked today and had a freak out. So there are zero prospects left and a part of me thinks ok get back on pof.. Another part of me thinks what's the point ? To do it all over avian ? Deal w flakes, be annoyed , and quit ?! I don't want to live here and I don't know where I will be so prospect of something real is non existent. I think I'm trying to distract from feeling pain about Nasser or Aaron. Aaron is always another level of hurtful... Today I get an interview initial not in person but still for Tampa.. I tell him and ask if I can crash on the couch if I come, then I find out not only is he seeing someone... But he moved in with her !!!!!! I don't know what's wrong in his head or why he thinks how he does and recklessly destroys me again and again. But he's toxic. I hate him and am indifferent at the same time. Nasser I'm just blue about... I keep wondering what if I'm in San Fran , it was all to be closer to him and dude isn't even calling me.. I'm so messed up right now it's absurd

[Hazyillusions]

Soon, I'll be saying goodbye to you for good.

It's going to be so painful.

 

 

But ultimately better for me in the long run.

[star111]

I want to reach out to you right now but it is pointless. All you want to do is clarify your stance on it all and why we cant be together. Im sick of hearing it. And I 'disrespected you'. Yes you love me deeply but dont want to be with me. I acted poorly, etc. Well you never gave us a fresh start from your resentment years ago. Why did you even want to try with me again!!!! I had not contacted you in years for a reason!!! You sucked me in and seduced me for your selfish needs. Im sure of that. You are just as insane emotionally as you were back then. Every piece of it. Makes me sick reading posts from 7 yrs ago about this same stuff. I cant wait to continue working on myself and being an even better person. At least I have a strong desire to work on me and get rid of the habits that no longer serve me. you will always be lost and spinning out of control. I set you free with love. This is just some sick love attachment that drew me in. I need to let go, you obviously have very easily. Im sure you are resorting to your destructive poor choices for instant gratification instead of dealing with your deep issues. So sick and twisted and not authentic at all. You have such an inflated ego with all of your claims about yourself. Someone that needs to convince a person they are something with words is obviously not really there. I am letting you go completely to attract what I truly desire im my life. Have fun tricking the girls until your true self surfaces.