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Well, I met with you Sunday night.....after asking you TWICE not to ask to meet me if it was going to be negative. Nope----it wasn't negative for you--you just wanted to assuage your guilt and "explain things to me in person" so I wouldn't "be mad at you".....

 

Ummmmmmmmmm.....you said NOTHING different than you said a month ago, bringing me back to square one, like I asked you not to do......you are so incredibly selfish it's unbelievable. It's none of your business if I'm mad at you or not. You broke up with me, now you deal with the consequences of that.

 

If I'm out of your life, why do you even care if I'm mad or not???

 

But of course you had to throw in there that you still love me....Exact words. Big effing deal!!!! You also told me she has a boyfriend!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-----

 

With the trust issues you have, you think it's a good idea to get with a girl who cheated on her boyfriend to go on a date with you. The karma of screwing over a good woman is the cheating WH*RE you end up with !!!!! And the funniest thing is that you KNOW she cheated and let you take her out, but you still want her>>>>>>laughable really!!!!

 

EVERY single time you text and she doesn't answer right away, or EVERY time she goes somewhere with out you---is she telling the truth, or is she letting another man buy her dinner while you sit at home???!!!!! If she will cheat WITH you, sure as hell she will cheat ON you!!! And going into a relationship knowing she's a cheater, you deserve it!!!!!!

 

Still wanted to play the "I know it was a mistake, but I still need time. You're right about all of it, but I still need time"....want to text me for two days flip-flopping......well, I'm DONE WITH THE GAMES. The text I sent Tuesday night is the last text I will send you. I have blocked you on my phone, and I hope to never hear from you again.........

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Had a bad day today, things aren't getting any easier, it's hard to move on when I have so many u answered questions although I do realise that if you answered truthfully I wouldn't like what I heard, you've hurt me in every way possible and made this harder than it should of ever been, you don't deserve my love yet I love you and miss you constantly how messed up is that. You left me behind and now she has it all, you, Edgar, the house, your family and your love, how you can fall out and in love with someonelse il never know. You do seem really in love and happy with her, it makes me feel physically and emotionally ill but I do hope one day I can be happy for you and il have that too in my life

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Remember when we went to meet the most important person in your life, your cousin? You were so scared and afraid that I was going to fall for her and leave you. You said it would kill you if it happened. I reassured you that my love was only for you. Yet a few months later that's exactly what you did to me!!! You left me for my cousin without any consideration on what it would do to me!!!

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Tonight will be 1 week since I blocked you and said "don't ever try to contact me in any way unless it's to discuss reconciliation." I didn't even give you the chance to respond-I blocked you as soon as I saw the "read at 8:54pm"

 

Felt good to stand up for myself and stop the cycle of scooping up your breadcrumbs, but you are on my mind a lot today.....

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I hate that I have to eventually attempt again with some idiot and how everyone irritates me when they show interest.

Now it's back to the whole getting to know you BS with some other randoms and it just gets me down.

I hate you Ben. I don't want any of that, but i know in the next few months I'll need to start moving on.

I wish things with us worked out. I need to stop hanging out with you so much. it's unhealthy.

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I know you said there is nobody around, and that you are breaking up because the long-distance is killing you.

I feel that that was not true.

I know there is somebody else around.

If I knew 100% that your decision is because somebody else, it would be easier.

I do not understand why you stopped trying. Why you stopped believing in us.

You are stupid to toss away 5 years.

But still, I wish you all the best. It would be easier if I could hate you.

People still do not believe me when I tell them we are not together anymore.

We were the perfect couple in everyone's eyes.

I miss you.

It hurts.

But it will pass.

Please do not think I will be back with you if you did this because there is somebody else.

If you want to experiment with others, go back to ing high school.

Never.

Ever.

I think after 5 years, you can be respectful enough to tell me the truth. So, is it a long distance? Or you met someone?

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You honestly think that I would want to hang out with you? We last spoke 2 weeks ago when I laughed at your sad attempts to lure me back in.

 

You were trying to be so nice, and it took alot for me to do it but I mean't what I said.. Their is no friendship without trust and respect, and you do not respect me and I do not trust you.

 

I'm so tempted to text you and tell you I'm sorry for how rude I was, and this leads me here. I do not need to apologize, you deserve every bit of hurt your going through right now. You made your bed, lay in it. I just need to keep telling myself this. I'm glad you text though, I finally got my feelings off my chest is a constructive way.. You needed to know, and now maybe you will make the effort to move on with your life too..

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NC day #8. Went 15 days last time before you dropped some breadcrumbs my way. I fell for it, but not again. Blocking you and saying "do not contact me in any way unless it's to discuss reconciliation" was sooooooo empowering. It hurts, but hopefully you will stay away unless you've done some serious soul searching and figure your sh*t out. It sucks that you know where I live and where I work because I know how much you used to like "just stopping by"........please don't...

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I was doing really good, I did have my moments of sadness and grief but I was okay without talking or seeing you. Why did you have to get in contact with me again?? Why did you apologize for what you told me last time and continue to act like an a**?? You were the one that asked me to be your valentine... Why??? Just so you could prove to yourself that I still have feelings for you and that I would try to make it and go to dinner with you?? And then you come up with going to in n out... And telling me that my stuff was still in your car but using a bad word. Why do you do that??

Just when I feel like I'm moving on, you come around and act all nice and sweet and you mess with my head once again... And I let you back in and then you play games. And I can't say no because I want you. You were the reason why my marriage ended and I ended up losing you too.

Every time I talk to you or deal with you I get so much anxiety, my heart starts to race and I feel like my body is shaking, you give me all these emotional ups and downs and I fall for your empty words...

I hate that I still want you. Why can't you leave me alone???

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Few moments ago I packed all our memories in a box. You wouldn't believe how many memories can fit into a small box. Awesome memories we had over the past 5 years.

I know I shouldn't have gone down that path - reading old love letters you sent me. It teared me apart. I see how we truly loved each other.

I still haven't sealed the box. But I am well aware there is no "us" anymore. I need more time to let it go. I hope the box will be sealed sooner or later.

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Today, when I saw that you had "liked" my photos I considered contacting you for a few moments. I wouldn't be able though to do it without attaching some expectation to it. So I did nothing. I showed you my interest over the summer. It wasn't reciprocated. I consider that I have had my answer. If you ever wish to give us a chance, the ball is on your court now. If you ever found out just how much I wish that you would give us a chance, you would be shocked. Need to keep reminding me that it's all for the best...

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6 months post breakup. for past couple of weeks i have been thinking of you and missing you a lot. sigh. i sometimes wish/dream that we will meet somewhere in our 60s and reconnect and grow old together. sigh. i know it is for the best that we broke up and that we cannot build a life together. i miss you though.

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NC day 9......ughhhhhhhh. Why? Why? Why?.........doesn't matter. The reasons don't matter, the silence is deafening........

 

I'm sorry I had to block you 9 days ago, I just couldn't stand the back and forth uncertainty from you.

 

I unblocked you 3 days ago, so I know that you haven't even tried to reach out. It hurts, but I know that even if you did reach out, it's too soon, nothing has changed. I survived the breakup of an 18 year marriage, I can survive this. Fake it till you make it, right??

:

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This morning I missed you so much. I want to know how are you and what are you doing, but I can't contact you, it will make everything even harder. I hope you are doing fine.

I packed all of your stuff in a box. Soon I will handle finance and joint account

I will go to your house to leave the box and both pets, when I am ready. Luckily you won't be there. Your gran-dad will be so sad. I do not know if I should tell him we broke up or you already did. I hope you did.

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It is taking everything I have not to tell you I'm sorry for being rude the last time we spoke. I've been pretty lonely this past week.. I've had nothing to distract myself and it really sucks coming back to empty apartment. I don't think I miss you, just the presence you had in my life. No one is there.. Nobody to share things with about my day, nothing.

 

It feels like I will never be close with anyone ever again, not friends, not an S/O.. Nobody. Nobody has ever known me like you do and its really f***ing frustrating right now.

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I’m writing you this tonight because I finally see things for the way they really are.

When I work up the strength to walk away for good, that will be the day

I’m still trying to get to that stage somehow.

I really regret falling in love with you, you know that?

You've become such a weakness of mine, my kryptonite.

I wish it wasn't so.

 

Yesterday morning while you were on Skype, I couldn’t stop thinking of waste waste waste. The word etched on my skin. I imagine blood gushing out and spilling drop by drop and somehow it was therapeutic. Maybe this is again the way of handling everything. The active thought of it helps surprisingly, though obviously I’d never actually do something like that.

 

Thinking about it fills me with dread. If I continue this all it’ll be will be me satisfying my anxiety. But we’re broken. And nothing can be done to change it. I really wanted this but it’s not going to be a happy ending. So either i continue to hurt this way or I hurt another way (cutting you off leaves me with such unease). You weren't just a romantic partner to me...You were a close friend.

I just really loved you, that's all.

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