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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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I still miss you. I have a stupid heart. I know you have already moved on. It is frustrating to still care. You don't love me! You didn't think I was worth keeping. Do I want you out of familiarity. What if I can't love anyone else? That would suck. I guess you don't seeing as you're all in love with Kirsty but do you ever think of me fondly? Sob!

Edited by Chalk
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I made a commitment to you. I meant it when I told you I loved you. I believed and trusted your words when you said you loved me forever and didn't want anybody else.

 

We were two people in canoes, paddling at the same speeds towards the same goal. You slowed down because u were lost, I slowed down with u and gave u encouragement. We carried on together at the same speeds, you slowed down again, instead of saying "babe, wait for me to catch my breath" you stopped, you gave up on us. Now I'm carrying on, myself on this journey we took on together.

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I deleted your number , pics & email year & half ago yet my heart still long to hear ur voice and to see u again. I just wish if I can forget you the way u did , they always say fall in love again but I'm terrified I can't have my heart to be broken again I'm trying to fix it still. Why you left me ?? I was fool for believing in you I was just this stupid girl you used to pass time till you go back to your ex wife . How naive was I ? You must be very happy for fooling me but I hope that you are having the time of your life cuz God will never forget me.

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I finally completely deleted all reminders of you and completely blocked you from everything. At this point while i still love you, i am extremely angry at the person i have recently found out you are. You betrayed me, the one person always at your side and there for you. I have never been so hurt in my life to have a person cheat on me, drag me along, then say they want to work things out but then less then a month later already dating someone else, so much for taking some time to work on yourself. You are such an ugly person inside, i should have known better when you told me how you pretty much cheated on two ex boyfriends but i thought people change and you were always so nice to me at first. I was so blind, i should have broken up with you before Christmas when i brought up a few concerns in the relationship and you did nothing about it. I fell for your begging, i was weak and blind in love, never again. It will take me some time to get over such a big betrayal in my life and to ever let someone get so close to me again but i will come out stronger, i know now my self worth. Hopefully you dont do the same to me , to this new person you are dating. No one deserves this much pain, i will keep putting one foot infront of the other and fighting through it till i am stronger then i ever was.

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You were a really important part of my life and my feelings towards you still remain confusing. I hate you, I love you, I'm jealous of you. For you to have moved on makes all our memories bittersweet. I am over sentimental about our time together and I wish that my feelings were less intense. I pray that time and new experiences help lessen the significance of our relationship in my life. It hurts because we were both in a time where we were care free and surrounded by friends. I am so very jealous of you. So, so jealous! I hate feeling jealous. I do not like it. Did you ever keep anything of ours for sentimental value? Did you keep the encyclopaedia of chickens you brought me because we both wanted to keep chickens. I hate myself for treasuring our time together. I remember feeling very contented. I look back and think what a fool I was and yet desperately want to go back to that moment of sheer bliss. Forming a new relationship is really hard because the naivety has gone. I believed in you and had faith in you. In hindsight it is something that I projected on you and not some deep God like presence within you. That faith has gone. I can't decide if that is a good thing or not? Because satisfaction in another is a lie but it was a really good lie. I don't understand how I was so disposable to you? I don't understand how you could not see a future with me but be such a coward to waste so many years of my life. I don't understand how that was beneficial to you. I am confused. Back to rowing tomorrow, back to work on Monday, meeting Ben this week. Onwards, onwards!!

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I love you so much, I'm sorry for ruining it all.

I wish you'd talk to me. I wish you felt the same. I want to talk to you all the time, I miss you every second of every day.

I wish I was enough for you. I feel completely worthless.

 

Please don't leave me alone, I don't know how to live without you anymore.

Edited by bumblebee
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So here I am. In a relationship forum posting what I would say to you. Not that I could handle hearing your voice...

You hurt me and I know why. I get it. You have a real problem that I couldn't help. Not that you could've even told me that. Not that it didn't amuse you to see me constantly trying to do anything right on your eyes. I loved you so much. More than you deserved. You never loved me back, but again... You couldn't. You took things I can't get back. Time, love and tears. You have no empathy to feel even a fraction of the pain you caused me. You're empty. I'm damaged. Do you know what you did? You've let it happen in your past, so I'm just another bump in the road. It blows my mind that I hurt for you and you don't give a damn. The only feelings you ever were concerned with were your own. So I guess it was time to move onto the next girl until she removes your mask, too. Don't you see? You'll keep doing this until you get help. Remember? That help you said you were going to get? The reason you needed to be alone. Alone... That's not even possible for you. You have to have someone to adore you and gush over you. You have to have someone to live through since you have very few dreams of your own. Which, the few dreams you did have, I wanted to help come true for you. My dreams? You never really asked. You assumed. My feelings? Never a priority. My needs? Never a concern for them in the least. You robbed me of my SELF. I let you do that. I wish you could've kept your promises to me. The fantasy... The smoke and mirrors... The lies. The lies. The lies. You have no comprehension of what any of this means. You can't. I just have to remember that. You can't.

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Gawd it sucks how I feel I still can't talk to you without melting into a puddle. I can not believe how strongly I feel for you and how strongly I HATE the woman you're with; if you can even call her that. I don't hate people easily but she is dangerous and I don't think you quite realise how much so yet; if she dares try to hurt you I....well I don't know what I would do, I don't know what I could do. But I KNOW she will.

 

She has borderline personality disorder ! I mean, have you even read up about that? It's freaking serious stuff. I want to say not all people with BDP are such and such (especially when I have suffered with mental health problems myself) but...I struggle to find anything while researching online for the past month that is more than a double edge sword when it comes to positives. She will manipulate you, lie to you, gaslight you (she's done those three things to me already! That's how she got so close to you!), cheat on you, isolate you, abuse you (verbally, emotionally and physically); do you not understand?! I care about you so much, it hurts me greatly to reflect on all the pain I caused at the end of our relationship GOD I was a bit of a psycho myself back then, I even agree the break up needed to happen so I could get better.

 

But is that not the point? We broke up so we could be happier, because it was for the best? I can say for a fact you will not be happier with her. BDP is notoriously difficult to treat and pretty much impossible without aggressive therapy, despite being officially diagnosed she refuses to even acknowledge she has an actual problem. Please, if you can do one last thing for me? Get away from her, never speak to her again, save yourself, be happy and find a lovely girl to be yours.

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Its 330am. I woke up and thought about you. I looked through my instagram and was just going to see when the last picture it was that I took, and you were with me. Then I scrolled through and saw pictures of us. I got as far as getting to the one at Cori's dog house. and started crying. Then I started getting sick throwing up. You loved me so much, why are you doing this? Why are you causing me so much pain? This is the hardest thing I have had to go through, how could you do this to me? I committed my life and my heart to you.

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It's well over two years since you gave your dismissal. I saw it, but I couldn't even begin to process it for so long because it reawakened the trauma of having grown up with someone like you. Remember the last time I spoke with you, two friends of yours came to "rescue you" from me even though you had been the one to speak with me? You must have told them I was pestering you (an easy lie to believe about the socially awkward loner, naturally). The very thing I was so paranoid about doing. You wanted an effective way of eliminating the traces of me from your life, and of course insulting me enough that I would leave you alone, because of course at that point you had moved on to someone else and I was old news. The rational part of me wanted to leave you alone, but of course I stupidly contacted you a few more times and humiliated myself further. I needed to make some sense of what had happened, and I had no one to validate my feelings. You had done enough to make me look crazy, even to my family. I've never been able to talk about this to anyone. That's why it's taken so long to process this, after going round and round in circles. The only sense this will ever make is that it doesn't make sense, and that is where I will leave it. I will continue to give you all the space in the world. I don't resent you, because who knows when I would have had the strength to deal with those things in my past otherwise, but I will never contact you, mention you or try and talk to you. Not only because you've made it clear you'd prefer if I disappeared, but because I cannot risk any more damage to my reputation. I wish you well, but I'm taking your dismissal to heart now.

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I am eating lunch at Tenn Sixteen. I can't even walk these streets and not cry. The curb at 3 Crow is where you first told me you loved me. Do you remember that? I know you do. You will never forget that! Remember the crack in the sidewalk where I tripped? Remember the cat in the window at that hardware store next to 3 Crow? Baby I miss you! Please!

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What makes you think you can tell me what to do? You are in no position to say who I can or can not talk to. You ing hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me! I can talk to whoever I want! Who the says they are just 'your' friends? We shared our lives together for the last year! You have no power over me. You have no idea what I have been going through. You can try and twist the knife that's buried in my heart all you want but you will not tell me what to do. It probably feels good to you, living your life and I assume you are in no pain whatsoever judging by the way you are acting -so far away from me that you can't see the pain in my eyes and see what you have done to me and my daughter.

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I don't know why I'm posting here. I guess that I just wanted to get it out that I no longer give a frogs fatty about any of my ex's. I have a new awesome job, and I started seeing a new awesome girl who I have incredible chemistry with. We can't take our eyes off of each other whenever we hang out.

 

I guess I'm here because the the person that caused me to write here today will never ever be in my life again. And I know that I was harsh on you. But I really don't have it in me to give you money for bs causes like that. And give me a break about it not having to do with your bf. You're so full of it. But it sucks that we can't be friends. I wish you the best and I hope it works out with your boy. Although the entire situation is pretty rediculous lol.

 

But I'm sorry I hurt you again. We can't even be friends...we are just so different. How sad...

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I know your new girlfriend is really pretty and I imagine you love her very much but do you ever miss me? What did I mean to you? At the moment I love to work because it is an escape. I miss you so much and I love you. I pray that at least, at times, I am in your mind and you have happy memories with me. The memories I have of you are really special to me. I was so determined to get over you but I don't think I ever will. You still make me cry. I miss you. I am haunted by you.

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I am sorry if I seemed selfish when your mother died. Yet you had promised me this would be the start of our new life, you would be able to finalize your divorce, and we could finally be together. You have not seen your soon to be ex for three years. And yet when I asked to attend your mother's funeral...who after all was also a friend of mine...you told me that "the family" did not think it appropriate because your soon-to-be-ex wife would be there. This is the last betrayal. when I was 19, you promised me you would marry me. You married someone else. You promised me 28 years later that I was your home, your family, your life, your reason for living. And you betrayed me again by refusing to let me stand beside you at the funeral. Once again, she was more important than me. You have made your choice. I still love you and always will, but this is the last betrayal.

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want to call you today. still scared what i will find on the other side of the tel line ...

 

is it egotistical of me to want to know how your attitude towards me is ?

 

and if i call you .. and lets say you are open to talk, and we work out all of our troubles.. is there really a future for us ?

 

all these questions keep me from contacting you.. but what if you secretly want me to call you ? just to show you i havent forgotten you..

will my call make you feel better or just throw you back in anger?

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Baby, -Its hard for me to even stop calling you that - You jokingly said that on our 4th of july video every other word we said was "baby". I can't stop calling you that. Baby I miss you so much tonight. I am really really missing you. You are traveling for work tonight. You have a great job and you are pushing me aside for your new life. My heart is still on fire for you. Each day more and more its hitting me that you are gone. I miss your kisses. I miss your soft skin. I miss your beautiful face. I miss your idiosyncrasies. I miss your smell and your taste. I can't let go of you, not after everything we have been through! No one but us knows everything we have gone through. I haven’t told anyone! You have already said I am not the one for you. It will take time for me to find out that you are not the one for me. In my mind still, you are my ONE! You said the same thing remember? What happened to us? I am as lost as ever tonight. Its been just over a week since you ended it, since you changed my world forever. You haunt my dreams and my mind. I hear your voice in my head, your laugh. I see your smile. I can hear your idiosyncrasies, and funny phrases.

The night still continues to cause me trouble. Sleeping with the light on doesn't help. After D has gone to bed, and the house is quiet. I can hear my own heartbeat and the clock ticking on the wall. And I am missing your body laying next to me. I am alone and the darkness is the worst. I keep feeling like I am done crying, then I break down again. So many tears. So much heartache. I passed by a billboard today and it said something like "In the town that invented heartache." It was advertising some stupid Nashville country music concert or whatnot. I thought of our mutual hate of country music, and how we would make fun of it and laugh that we lived in Nashville. Then I broke down in my car. I would do anything to have you laying here next to me now.

 

Tomorrow is another day. Another day without you. Until we meet again...

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