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I have nothing, he took my girlfriend, my lover, my best friend and all my memories. When I think of kissing you it's him kissing you, when I think of making love to you it's him making love, when I think of our walks it's him walking the same street with you. He even took the memory of where we met. I have nothing left. Nothing. Nothing to hold on to, to help me get through the next day. You were the feeling one, how could you not know? I told you I loved you and that I wanted you back, how could you not see the desperate man I was clinging on to any hope. Why, why, why would you invite me over and make love to me. For 5 months. I hate you and I love you and I can't get past it.

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I really tried.   I told you from the get go that I was in the midst of an awakening from monogamy to polyamory which, you were very clear you didnt want.   I told you I wanted to work it out with

I feel so sad having had to leave what was our apartment because of you, for the second time. I feel sad we never invested in buying a few stuff for any apartment we've owned, because you always

I worked in your town today. First time in years i've worked there. It's such a confusing traffic pattern town and very flat. I never liked that about your town, not much charm. Perhaps I have tons of misdirected anger, to be honest people are nice enough though.

 

So you were within miles, maybe blocks of me today. Not the 70 miles we've been apart for the past 2 months. To be honest I scanned the traffic for your silver car as I drove through. I am kind of glad I didn't see it. I never tried to look for your new place you gave me the address to, it would be like stalking. It wouldn't solve a thing, it wouldn't change history and it wouldn't bring you back..

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I've decided to not answer your email eventhough I know you want some of the things you left behind. I am officially NC. I will return your things on my schedule, not yours. If your $30 worth of items are more precious than our year together which you decided to end without any warning or discussion, I hope you get some professional help to deal with your selfishness which you always admitted to.

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Now I've moved I'm completely alone. Do you know how many times I wish to be able to disappear every day? Too many. Of course I'll never tell anybody that, but I wish you were cuddling me now, I want to reminisce and let out all this hurt. I have nowhere to turn. You said you don't want to lead me on. Do you even LIKE me?

 

I begged you to be blunt with me. Why did you insist you're still in love with me? Why did you say your feelings are the same? Just be honest! You don't love me. You never have. Look at the number of times you've thrown me away. I've always been disposable to you, and after 2 and a half years of being picked up and dropped, I feel broken and worthless.

 

I still love you and I miss you. You don't miss me. I've been so easy for to to forget. You've moved on so quickly, it makes me wonder if you cared at all. You know we were only on holiday a few months ago.

 

I miss our traditions. The way we'd cook together, meet in our lunch breaks, you stopped doing all that. You ruined that, and I need to stop blaming myself.

 

I don't understand why you said we would meet up and then just ignored me. You won't speak to me. You won't give me back my stuff. Have you not hurt me enough yet?

 

You lied. You cheated. You took me for granted. You think you can do anything and I'll still be waiting.

 

Maybe you're feeling good now, but I feel like I'll be the one that comes out on top. I'm the one building a career, I'm the one that's able to really truly love somebody without hurting them.

 

I love you. I miss you. But I am NOT yours anymore. I never will be again. Have a lovely summer, good luck with uni, and enjoy life. Because honestly, even if it means not being with me, I want you to be happy, but I don't want you in my life ever again. My heart can't take any more.

 

I wish you loved me.

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I find it incredibly annoying that people find you an inspiration. The only reason you knew of that conservatory was because I pointed you to it and I supported you every step of the way. I listened to your compositions. I lent you my books. I believed in you. I kept cheering you on when you were getting afraid you wouldn't get in.

 

It's your talent that got you in, of course, but let's face it--I contributed a lot. And I know you're only pursuing this because you don't know where else to go. I helped you get to where you are now. Or where you're going.

 

But of course you don't remember that, do you?

 

Of course I'm happy for you. I'm so very proud of you. I just wish I could share it with you. Except I can't anymore.

 

To tell you the truth, I miss you a lot. I'm studying Philosophy and we both like that. And I'm teaching kids this summer and I'm sure you'd find my stories incredibly amusing. If we were together. But we aren't and I know you can't stand me. And honestly, I know I won't be able to stand you when I see you in person.

 

No, I don't think you deserve to be called an inspiration. It's always been your talent, music. I'd call you an inspiration once I see you bleed for it. Once I see you become more generous for it. Once I see you put your art first because you've realized how important it is to you.

 

No. You aren't an inspiration. Don't let it get to your head.

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You said you were going to mail some of my stuff. I have left you alone, never call, never text, never e mail. I respect your right to live a happy life however you want. You can't do one thing for me? Mail me my ipod and passport please. I've replaced things too many times after being kicked out. My own fault for staying around you, yes, I know. Mail my stuff please.

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No, I’m not there for you anymore. No, we can’t be friends. No, we can’t be together. No, no, no. You left. You pushed me away. You let me go. You gave up. You hurt me…again. You’ve done this before and you’ll just do it again and again. You lost me and have given me every reason not to trust you again. The next time something doesn’t go perfectly straight in your life, I’ll get cut…again.

You always cut me and I don’t know why. I truly thought that after everything we had been through you wouldn’t cut me this time. At least I hoped you wouldn’t. That’s why I gave you everything I could, I didn’t want to get cut again. I wanted us to do this together like I knew we could but you wouldn’t have it. You’re running away and I just wish you would have understood how much you meant to me, I tried to tell you. I wish you would have let me love you. But you wouldn’t, you couldn’t. And you hurt me more because of it. You let me go and you'll do it again and again until you finally meet somebody who you'll never want to let go of...

 

...and it won't be me.

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You disrespected me verbally and physically...I asked you to move out on Monday, you were so big and bad and agreed by just saying OK. but when I came home you were there like it was your home. like you didnt want to leave. you told me that you wanted to work it out but couldnt apologize couldnt make me feel good..im finally done. i have left and when I told you it was over all you said was "nuff said" and erased me from every form of contact you could have with me....you text me this morning asking me not to throw some of your stuff away like if I would do such thing, you knw Im not like that, then asked me to delete you off facebook, like you couldnt do that yourself.. you're trying to get a reaction out of me..probably lookin for me to pour out emotions...and guess what? I only cry because of MY SADNESS not bc of you..I cry because I was a fool, I let you in mine and my kids lives and all you did was eff up..now the kids ask for you they as for your mom whom they call granny...and yes they might forget about this one day..but as of now, I must explain.. it hurts that you and I have wanted to be together since highschool and now adults we did it and we ruined it....

 

im glad you're gone

 

all the songs you wrote were about women and sex

all you cared about was your image

and you are a follower your moods adjust to the ppl you're around.

 

 

LOSER you're taking the washer and dryer your sister left us, after you lived im my house for free for a WHOLE YEAR..

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You knew what my kids went through with their mother. You knew how it hurt them.

 

You did an excellent job of showing them what a real woman was. You were kind, yet tough with them. You showed them respect and offered them advice and compassion when they needed it. I told you many times how they were lucky to have you as a mother figure.

 

Those kids loved you. I know they did. Lately they both have had dissapointments in their lives that I wish you would have been around for. You always had a way to make things right.

 

But now you're gone, just like their mother. You couldn't even say good bye to one of them. I know you must have had your reasons for leaving but I need you to know that you hurt all 3 of us. Not just me.

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I miss you... I miss our talks, the way you would make me laugh... I just really miss our friendship and I know I can never have that with you again. I really wish you the best and I know you know that. You were my first love, ill never forget you...

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Yesterday was meant to be so good and I feel like I let you ruin it again. I hardly ever get to see her so every second was supposed to be treasured but all I did was think about you and check my phone constantly, I felt so down. She could tell I was faking it but I did try for her. Last night did help a bit though. It still hurts but it did ease my mind. I feel like I can sort of get on now, minus the pain I had last time. I did get through that so I will get through this. I just have to be strong. I'm feeling that nows the right time and that a couple of weeks from now would be too hard. I dont want to get close to her then lose you and her. But to not know her? I dont know. I have alot to think about.

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i hate how you ignore me, or rather, how you never initiate conversation and i have to contact you. i dont want to bother anymore. I'm listening to sad 80's english music (smiths etc) and it comforts me to listen, i just want to be sad right now, amd honestly i just want to tell you to F off. you dont really care and im tired of not being cared about. it really makes a person feel like shi*

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I bet you didn't even think anything of our chat on Wed. I feel so stupid for trying to reach out to you. While it was good to catch up, I know you don't even care and your feelings have faded. I can tell that you just never told me the truth because you thought it would hurt.

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I don't even know what I want to say. Maybe I miss you so much now because I have finally started to face the fact that you are gone. I have been emotionally distancing myself but the other day it hit me that I really do care about you. I still do. I don't know what is going to happen and that makes me even more scared. Why do I feel like I can forgive you even though you broke my heart? I didn't want to leave you alone. I didn't want to stop talking but deep down I knew it was best. I am so proud of myself for getting this far. I just wish that I knew how to deal with these feelings that are welling up again. I am not sad. I do not feel sorry for myself. I am a different person than I was the last time we spoke. I have grown and I have changed. I feel so much more independent. I can be happy alone. I have been happy with myself. I didn't do anything. My only crime against you was wanting to hold on. I wish I could be what you needed.

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I love you. I am so grateful for the time I spent with you. I learned so much from you. I wish you could have been happy with me in your life. I will always love you. I will be there for you if you ever need anything in your life. I hope that we will be friends again one day.

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I really want to reply to the text you just sent but I can't. I wish I was ready to hang out and I'm glad you still want to work on keeping our friendship but I need more time. I don't know how long it is going to take. I wish I could be there to watch you graduate. I wish I could be there to see you off when you move away but I can't be around right now. I will come around one day.

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I dreamt you last nite. Just like every other night. I dont know how i can still be like this after you left me in the cold and went with someone else. How can i be this dumb? I miss you and wish we were still together. I miss you hugging me, touching me, kissing,. You were everything i ever wanted. Its been over a yr since you left me. I just want to say, I miss you still. And i hope she makes you happy cuz i know i tried everything to make you happy. You will always be in my heart. forever

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Been thinking about you so much, can't get you out of my head at all! no matter what I do!!!! was a nice chat we had on Friday when I called you about work stuff....see we still get on??still laugh and joke with each other...still obviously like each other. So why wont you just let the past go..give us a chance,stop being scared, I'm not going to hurt you...want us to be together so much it hurts, I miss you H..

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