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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


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Love this thread, thank you!

 

What I'd like to say.... WHY?!! First and foremost, I would like to know why. I don't need to know why you cheated on me, what I want to know is why you decided to come back into my life and then hurt me this way. You knew what you were doing, and you knew what it would do to me. I hate that all my suspicions were right all along; I guess now I really know the importance of trusting your gut. For whatever reason, I knew better than to trust you. And lucky for me, because otherwise I might be in a much darker place right now. The worst part is all the lying you did to cover your tracks. You really thought that lying would convince me not to believe what was finally right in front of me? And all the time you spent telling me not to worry, that you weren't doing anything wrong. I guess all that was bull too. Even after the truth came out, you said you "love" me. How do you do this to someone you love? You don't.... I think it's finally time for me to come to terms with the fact that 1) you don't love me. Not the way I love you. and 2) I can't trust you, and I'll never be able to trust you. Not after this. And I don't believe that you will ever change your ways. I don't understand this, but I guess I don't need to. All I need to do now is pick myself up and realize that it's never going to work between us.... Why is that so difficult? I KNOW that it won't work. But my heart is still silently begging for this to not be true. My heart still believes in you the way it always has, believes in us. Unfortunately, it's past time for me to quietly tell my heart to for a while so that my feelings for you can subside and I can finally move on. It's the only way I'll survive, because a future with you in it would only lead to heartache, and I won't make it through another breakup like this. I'm so MAD at you, and I'm so HURT and BETRAYED and FRUSTRATED, because no matter how badly I want to be with you, I know that I won't be happy with you. Damn it! Why did you have to do this to us? I prayed to God that he would give me a sign, that he would let me know if it was His will for us to be together. You know I'm not exactly religious, but part of me believes that this situation is just that; a sign. A sign that I need to get out now, because next time it will hurt a lot worse. Imagine if we were married?! My heart is fighting this tooth and nail but the more I try to think about this rationally, the more clearly I see what a JERK you are and why I need to cut you loose once and for all.

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I needed to post again because I'm sitting here fighting with myself not to contact you. Not yet. We will eventually have to have a discussion, but I need more time to cool off and to show you that I'm okay without you. Why did you have to tell me I'm the love of your life? After everything, how can that be true? You're not making this easy.

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I genuinely have no idea how I'm feeling right now, I know time will help but what if I never meet anyone I care about as much as I cared about you? Why don't you seem to care very much that we're no longer together? I dont know how to not care, I wish I did. It was a mutual break up and I know towards the end we were more like best friends than boyfriend and girlfriend but I don't know how to do this.. how to not be with you, it hurts more than I ever thought it would. I just want you to show that you miss me, even a little.. that our 3 year relationship meant something. We ended our relationship so nicely, i dont understand why you've had to be so cold towards me recently. Not speaking to you has helped me a lot and I'll continue the no contact because it's the only way I can remain sane. I know you're off with other girls, I know the type of guy you are when you're single and that's ok, I just hope you dont forget about me too fast because I'll never forget you

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Thinking about you again. It's Saturday night. I'm smoking some pot. I know you like to smoke it here and there. I can't help but get sentimental. You haven't reached out to me in a while through facebook. Hell, I wonder why you like my posts at all. I don't even visit your page. I know how you smoke pot with your mom and her friend. I was always envious of people who smoke up with their parents.

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Felt like unblocking you on FB just to see your profile....felt like calling you.

 

I know there was a planned club night yesterday...I wonder if you go with anyone there...have you moved on so quick?

 

I wonder if you're still lonely there like you usually are, I wonder if there's anyone supporting you.

 

I wish I stopped caring so much.

 

I really want to see your facebook profile...but...I won't.

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It is alarming to me that you are in my thoughts. Are you happy? I wish you could have been more forthcoming about your interests. Out of respect to yourself. I wish also that you were done sleeping around, but you're not. Are you self-destructive? Addicted? Trying to sabotage anything good, because you don't deserve it? I don't much care what the answer is, I am ashamed to say that I sometimes do not wish you well.

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You ing promised. You always talked about how you never went back on promises and always kept them and you promised last summer if we got back together you would find a way to love unconditionally the way I did you. To not give up when things get tough or when you don't necessarily "feel" in love, but as soon as things got tough again you bailed. No, you told me you thought about bailing then drug it out for SIX GRUELING WEEKS. Every day I woke up thinking, "God I hope the one person I've ever completely been myself around doesn't tell me she can never love me today." And then you finally did, and I still don't understand why. You told me what was wrong, and I actually tried to fix it. I didn't just say "Oh sorry I'll work on it." and not do anything. No, I actually worked for you, the most valuable thing I've ever been able to call mine, and I loved being yours. God, I just miss you so much, and I don't know who to talk to because the only person I've opened up to when I'm upset for the past year is you, and you're gone. Why couldn't you love me?

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Yes, that's a hot pic, and you know it. Who did you post it for? Damn you for being such a pure fxxx. It makes it even more of a challenge to remember that it's just not that simple. You need involvement to get off, so you create some, but it's all just a means to the end. The ultimate consumer. Whatever. Been there, done that. Burnt the t-shirt.

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OK, here it is. It is not for me to say what justice is, what order is, what balance is. It is for me to think only good thoughts, to wish well, and to surround myself with people who wish well for me. If I expect ill to befall you, then I bring ill on myself. Therefore, if I can wish well for you, then I may think of you. If I can not wish well for you, then best that I do not think of you.

 

Wow. As it seems I will not forget you, then I must find a way to wish you well. I am being stretched to take responsibility and give thanks for one of the most painful and humiliating experiences of my life. Because, as I have been recently reminded, sometimes, I was really, freaking, ridiculously happy. I will be thankful to have had a demonstration of characteristics that I want.

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Ok. It is not that I want to contact my ex. But the truth is I want to KILL her. That of course I cannot. So I am venting it out here. Whatever you did to me I did not deserve that. I didnot deserve all the pain that you put me through when you knew I would be alone. Very very very alone. While You had so many friends around you. I didnot deserve all the disrespect after on many occasions you had said this was for ever and ever. I did not deserve to be sad. I pray to God that you rot in Hell and you catch some deadly disease. I pray that you meet an accident and never recover. I pray you go bankrupt. I pray that you only have nightmares. And I pray that you get betrayed, heartbroken and destroyed 1000% more times the way you left me helpless. I pray you get burnt alive. God is with me. Because your soul is evil. That is what you always were. Pure and simple evil. I just couldn't see through the sugarcoating. DIE! (Sorry for all the anger forum folks. But I needed to get these feelings out)

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I know that officially we aren't broken up. And you said you wanted a break and space. I'm sorry but that confused me a little, since the way you were talking it seemed as if you wanted to stay with me, and you were talking about things that happen in July. It stinks not talking to you. You truly are my best friend. Give or take a few months or days here and there, we've talked all the time. The truth is that it hurt me when I saw your ex there and not me. I have no right to say who you can and can't see, and I'm glad you're a forgiving person, but always saying you're busy and making time for him, kid of shattered me a bit. And I got mad. This idea of not talking to you with the idea after it's done, we work on us, seemed good, but it's hard. I don't need to two weeks to know that I'm still madly in love with you. I can't wait til it's over. I want to talk to you so badly. From what you say, the problems you with have with us, isn't with me, it's with time and being scared, we can work those out, well if you want. I promise.

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10 years together and I am no longer part of your life. It's been 9 months since we broke and nearly 3 months since we last spoke. I was of course the dumped, so it goes without saying that I can hardly take my mind off of you.

 

You work nearby and I have to stop myself almost weekly from just visiting you. You of course would be angry and run away; as with most problems in your life... you run away. I took you back 3 f***ing times after you left for another man, but what i was really doing was giving you permission to cheat. What i really was to you was the back-up, a doormat, a guy who will always take you back.

 

Not.Any.More!

 

I still love you and no not just the idea of you, but I am no ones second choice, I am no ones backup plan!

 

You ran right into another relationship, avoiding something maybe? I, on the other hand, have been; healing, taking my time, becoming independent, going back to school, learning boundaries, building up my self-esteem, exercising, dating (not much, but some), spending time with my dog (you abandoned her too you know), friends & family, I bought a nice car, begun getting my finances under control, quit smoking cigarettes, cut back on drinking immensely and so much more that I can't remember right now.

 

Anyways, I am on the road to forgiving you because this pain and anger is only hurting me and I won't let any aspect of you hurt me again, I am letting go. Though I believe this to be final (I thought the same the past 3 times,) I will be ready for the inevitable I will be ready to say I'm no longer interested, that I am no ones second choice! Good Luck, and I wish you happiness, but I also hope someone makes you feel this betrayal someday.

 

Goodbye C.J

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Ok, over it. Whew.

 

Don't know if you read this, maybe you do. I can't imagine why you would, frankly. Anyway, lust really does skew my thinking. Am now able to return to indifference, because in the grand scheme of things, why not? People lie, people hide, people get through however they best know how. It's all created by a fear of rejection. We all can relate to that.

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