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when i saw you the other day with someone new it was a real blow to me. I wanted to ask you how come? why were you with me? did u mean ne of the things u said? that we were going to get married, that you loved me enough you never wqanted me out of your life. all u have said was a lie. I loved you effortlessly, and you wont now know how much. rememebr what i had said? "I love you enough, that i would trade my happiness for you ne day." and i have kept my word. I respected your decision to leave me and i bow out quitlely, with no begging and pleading. I want my last act of love to be something im proud of, but i never wanted it to hurt this badly. I think u have been through atleasr 2 other guys, and possibly the guy i saw you with is ur next victim. But your his problem now and i know u believe in karma, so one day my dear, ull get yours. I pray each night that you understand how i had felt this past year. i want you to see what i had to strugglen against and ask if you ever regret putting me though that. You know i dont think you will ever find any one like me. I had open up my world to you unlike any other person and this is how im repaid...to sit and go on with life, feeling the betrayel, feeling the hurt, and wondering "does she ever?..." im moving on with my life slowly i know. but soon one day i will replace you, and on that day you will come to understand the world through my eyes.

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The day before you left me you told me a I was special and would do well. You know what? You were right! I am special and i will make a success of my life. I will get over you and i will find someone who deserves me.

 

You didn't! You were a terrible boyfriend. You were wonderful to everyone but me yet i forgave every slap, every name you called me and evertime you made me cry.

 

In a way im glad you left me because I didn't have the balls to do it myself. Thats how much you brought me down - that i couldn't even leave someone who made me really unhappy!

 

I am utterly devestated that you found someone new within a week of leaving me. Am I that easy to get over? I can't believe how much you have hurt me......

 

I hate you for making me feel like this but sadly I will love you for the rest of my life!

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I miss you a lot, but I won't tell you that. Recently, I've hoped that you'll find a new man and get married so that these annoying little dreams in my head will fade sooner, and it will make it easier to let go.

 

And the worst of all of it? You're right... We are a bad couple. I never wanted to admit that. It still hurts though.

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My birthday is coming up next week. I really just wanted to celebrate my birthday with my family. I have gone through so much in the past 2 and half months. I don't think I can take it anymore from you. I am sick and tired of waiting for your calls which I did yesterday.

 

I really wanted to go out with you one last time to the restaurant that I mentioned when we were celebrating your birthday. I am very emotional today and I am not going to call you. I told you that I love you but I was not in love with you. It was a lie, I still do. I tried to be friendly with you and my heart is numbed. When you called to tell me that you couldn't go to have the dinner one last time with me.

 

My heart was crushed again. It reminded me how vulnerable I was when I had my wisdom teeth pull and I was in excruciating physical and heartbroken pain. How I wanted to get support from you that day and you told me you were busy and told me you would call me back later that night or next day. I was so drugged up from the medicine and patiently waiting for your call. No, you didn't call me that night nor next day. I waited till past 12am the next to call you to tell you that I really needed your support. You yelled at me for waking you up and told me that you didn't have time to talk to me. I am crying so much as I am tying this message up.

 

I hate myself for loving you so much and it hurts so much. I thought I was getting better but I am not. I really hope you don't happen to read this because I really don't want you to feel the pain that I had to go through. I am very confused. Sorry I just felt like venting it out.

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Hey mcgirl, I'm wondering if we were dating the same person.. everything you said is exactly what I had to deal with.

 

I read "Mr. Unavailable and the fallback girl" which really opened my eyes. He was setting up the status quo for the relationship. You wanting a normal, mutual relationship does not make you needy, it makes you normal. Don't fret. You are not in the wrong here. But neither is he. He is who he is and will always be. THat was the hardest thing for me to realize. He will always be like this. He may at the beginning be "in" to hanging out but then slowly lowers the expectations down /status quo to 5 when we really deserve and most healthy relationships are 9/10. And, him being a workaholic or slave to his job when he makes time for rock climbing and going to dinner/drinks with friends is not an excuse.

 

Another book to read is "how to avoid falling in love with a jerk"... Other helpful books, yes helpful... I've read a lot of bad self help books... are at the bottom. Helped me know what healthy relationships look like. I never knew before.

I also realized that it was how I valued myself, my self esteem. So now I'm dating myself and trying to figure out why I allowed someone to devalue me as much.

 

Read the book, girl, you'll never be the same.

 

peace

former fallback girl

 

Books

If you're going to read anything, read "Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl" .. All women need to read this. Be prepared to do some soul searching though.

"Why does he do that?: Inside the minds of angry and controlling men"

"The Verbally Abusive Relationship"

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i cant believe you couldnt even respond to me...how childish you can be...after the way YOU broke up with me didnt even call me for TWO WEEKS then I had to CALL YOU for you to break up with ME?????and yet i was still cordial when you popped back up a year later and sent me a msg....didnt i say hey back to you???but ohhh noo your little feelings for hurt because i dumped YOU this time...whatever u didnt even put up a fight so im sure youre all tore up about it...i know i was cowardly by doing thru email but i also sent another one a month later making amends and tellin you where im at with it all...class act for you NOT to respond but hten again what more do i expect from a self absorbed emotionally unavailable narcissist who cant stay sober past 6 months????pleeeeeeeeease get it together for EVERYONES sake.....have a good life you emotionally challenged imbecile

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You know, i've been doing pretty good about not thinking about you. I used to think about you every moment of every day. I used to curl up in bed and stay there, crying and wondering why this all happened. I used to believe that you simply did not think I was worth it.

I still think this.

But I'm beginning to realize that maybe I loved you a hell of a lot more than you loved me. Hell, you may not have loved me at all.

"I just wasn't strong enough," you said. I could have been your strength. I could have given you strength. I would have. I couldn't deny you anything.

It's been three months since the last time we spoke. You've made no effort to contact me which only leads me to believe that you never really cared in the first place.

 

God, I'm such a fool.

 

I'd be lying if I said I wanted you to be happy with her. I don't. But I do wish you happiness in everything else.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't love you. I do. My greatest fear is that I always will.

 

I was worth it. It may make me a bad person to think it, but I hope one day you realize what a huge mistake you made-- I hope you realize she doesn't make you as happy as you want to believe (and believe me, lovey, she doesn't. I know you. I've watched you with her. You care about her, that I believe, but you don't love her as much as you think you do).

 

Do you still dream about me?

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October 11th... 2 days away now. It'll be a year since that crazy night that we met and i drunkenly asked you to be my girlfriend. After a couple hours knowing you. It was like out of a movie or something. But it was so right. That night my whole life changed. I met a girl that was more incredible than I thought existed... That was you.

 

 

I know you'll be thinking of me that day... I'll be thinking of you too.

 

 

Your birthday's also coming up. October 31st... I haven't decided if I will msg you, or leave you a small gift in the letterbox. I want to. What's stopping me is the thought of you replying to my msg, or sending me one that says anything other than thanks.

 

 

We both know why we broke up... Why we had to. Neither of us wanted it. I know you're hurting, I am too. I love you. I want to be with you... Still. Only been about 2 months so I guess that's not too long yet. Until the feelings go away I just can't see you, or talk to you, or even hear about you. It's best for you too. Maybe one day we'll come together again, I'm sure we'll definitely catch up in the least. Maybe not. Maybe I'll never see you again and in a year or twos time if you txt me or call me I still won't reply.

 

 

I know none of your ex's have done this. None have gone to the extremes of wiping you out of their life. For that you might hate me. You might be mad, sad, hurt... I don't want you to be. But I can't control that. I just hope you really understand why and don't resent me.

 

 

Bottom line is I hope you are happy and hope you get what you want from life. Whether we ever talk again or not. There's always gonna be a big part of my heart with your name scribbled all over it.

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You will never know how much you have hurt me. The day you decided that you wanted a break I didn't cry, the day you left me over the phone I didn't cry and I know that bothered you. I sometimes wonder if you would have stayed if i begged and pleaded with you to stay. I know that one day I will be proud of myself for not doing that. One day when I meet the man of my dreams I will be glad you dumped me!

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you asked for a divorce 3 days before our 2 year aniversaty. im a guy and you brought tear to my eyes and broke my spirit as u move on remember me and the love i showed u. goodbye my angel i hold your hand still when i sleep and pretend ur near me i miss you i wish i was dead i really do i hope o die maby you will come to be one last time.

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Thinking of you. I assume he's in your bed with you. But at this moment that thought doesn't hurt like it did. I can't tell you I hope you are happy because I don't and I also know about that huge void you carry around inside you and until that void is filled you'll never be happy.

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I miss you sooo much and really want to be with you - please give it another shot. I wont hurt you again.

 

I cant take knowing your out enjoying yourself with your friends, getting drunk every weekend and meeting new guys, because I am not doing the same and staying at home on my own for most of the week is sending me insane.

 

I miss you every single day and i've never found anything this hard to deal with in my life. You have left such a whole in my life and im struggling to fill it. I really do think the only thing that can fill it, is you and no-one else.

 

Please just tell me that everything will be OK and that you really do want to give it another go.

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What do you mean you're not finding this easy????!! You were the one that gave up on us without telling me there was something wrong! You were the one who started seeing someone else within a week of breaking up with me! You were the one that lied to me about the two of you! You were the one that used me as an emotional crutch and led me on despite knowing how I felt! And you're not finding us not speaking easy!!!

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Why do i fall for your empty promises each time? If you really wanted to spend time with me these past 2 days you would have made the time no one who is on vacation is that busy but like a fool I believed you, a part of me didnt expect to hear you yesterday after you were finished your errands and you didnt disappoint. No call, no text, no nothing and being the fool I am I call you today and surprise surprise you dont answer your phone. I wait and see tomorrow if you pull your lame ' oh i havent heard you all weekend' line or if when you get back to work on monday and I am still on vacation if you try to talk to me then.

 

Why cant you just stick with your miserable ex and leave me alone? you dont want me so just go away and take all your lies and empty promises with you. I am tired of this crap.

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im seriously tired of thinking about you cause i cant be bothered and im Bored as hell and ive had enough

ive tried everything, forgiveness, hoping you all the best, letting you win and i swear i just dont care anymore i just want you out of my mind....but i swear i cant stop listening to SAD MUSIC!!!!!

 

PLEASE GET OUT OF MY NIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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How the hell could you leave me the way you did?

 

There were NO other guys. There were NO other people.

 

HELL YOU EVEN TOLD ME YOU STILL HAD STRONG FEELINGS FOR ME.

 

So WHY?

 

Why did you tell me you can't be with me? Why am I up at 3:14 AM typing this?

 

I don't understand. You hurt me. You hurt me so goddamn much. And you don't even have a good enough reason.

 

I love you. But you force me to go through hell... for nothing. In the end, I ended up with nothing.

 

I'm lost, I'm in pieces, and you know what? It's all your fault.

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even though you chose to leave us behind for now. i still want the best things to happen to you. i wish i am part of the best things though.

 

i think about all the good times, fun, the special love we had all the time. i hope God helps you see that we're right for each other soon. I also hope you can understand my feelings , the things i said/did weren't supposed to be taken the way you did.

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I can't believe I allowed you to treat me this way so long. I bent over backwards for you and tried so hard to make our relationship work. You NEVER put in any effort. I cared so much about you and you were the only one I pictured myself growing old with (at least, at one point in time). It didn't have to be this way! Why couldn't you have tried? Why did I always come last on your priority list? You were always just "really busy". Why did you stay with me for so long when you couldn't be in this 100%? Why did you always leave me out of the loop? I thought a relationship was about sharing our lives together. You made me feel naggy, clingy, and b!tchy, and I am NOT any of those things - I just wanted to be a part of your life, the way I made you a part of mine. I feel so stupid reading all this back and not leaving sooner, but I wasn't ready. It didn't have to be this way! Go hang out with your loser immature 19 year old new friends who became way more important than our relationship, and took precedence EVERY SINGLE TIME. You make yourself out to be a martyr but you're just plain SELFISH.

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I can't believe you would just walk away after three years. And for you to go to a girl who was my best friend? How could you..

We had small arguments, but that is not a good enough reason to leave.

The day you left, you told me you loved me, and you held me so many times, and you sat and talked about how my day went with me, because it went bad and I was crying, but you told me you loved me so many times that day.

Then I crack the * * * * s over something so small and you leave before I come back to apologise?

You won't even talk to me, and you are telling people I am crazy by talking to you, but I dunno about you but I can't just drop it after 3 years like you can?

Why did you tell me that you have forgotten everything we have been through, good and bad?

You won't even be friends with me.. I am worried about you because you look run down, and you are going out every weekend since we broke up.

 

Maybe you're taking this as badly as I am?..

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In years from now you will realise I was the best thing for you and that I could have given you the life you always craved filled with luxurious comforts. Now, as you begin to live a life of poverty I hope you look in the mirror and realise this is the start of Karma tearing into you for all the atrocities you bestowed upon on me, your previous relationships and even your own flesh and blood. You are not the person you think you are. You are scum, a scab on the face of society which represents what is truly wrong, evil and ugly about humanity. In time you will have to look in the mirror and accept that the pitfalls you have been faced with, the financial hardships, the fact you had to move into a dark little flat in the rough part of town where you said you would never wanted to live are all you own fault……no one else’s apart from yourself. And as for your new BF…….I feel for him because before long he too will be on this type of web site and pouring his heart out at what you have done to him.

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Dear Ex,

 

It has been four days since I left. During this time, I have been deep in my head examining the last six years.

 

You put me through hell because you said it was easier. It sure the hell wasn't easier for me. I knew something was wrong. How many times did I ask? How many times did I try to find out? Not once in those six years did you tell me what was wrong.

 

I really thought we had gotten over it. I though we moved on and I was wrong.

 

I no longer want you back. I don't want to go back to living in hell. If you want to start something new, that's fine. I am moving on with my life and I am filled with hope for the first time in a very long time.

 

I know I will see you again in the future. If that spark is there again, you will feel it too.

 

I honestly wish you the best with your new life.

Donie

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