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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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I was feeling vulnerable last night on Thanksgiving and kind of sad- and I texted your mom Happy Thanksgiving. I know it was dumb, and I shouldn't have, but I honestly miss her. And she never texted me back. I admit it hurt my feelings a little, but maybe it was good. Maybe now I can not miss your family. Don't think I would ever text you. I have a different number now, so I know I wouldn't get your texts. But still it hurt me a little if she saw my text and didn't say anything, not even a 'you too' there is the off chance she didn't have that number anymore, but I'm sure she does. IDK its silly to feel sad about not getting a reply, but I am. Not smart on my part, but hey at least I didn't text YOU....

 

She might've thought it was a mass text. Don't be disappointed, hang tough *hugs*

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I am so tempted to message you again; and I last spoke with you barely 12 hours ago. You reaching out has made me weak... But I must carry through. Me reaching out to you right now would only be destructive for my well-being; hell, our conversation today was relatively tame, and it still sent me into a downward spiral. Luckily I'm much better at defusing my own negative emotions than I was before...

 

Today is my birthday. I wonder if you're going to acknowledge it in any way. Or maybe you forgot? I need to learn how to crush my foolish hopes about you. It'll only get me nowhere.

 

Happy bday hun! Hope the day goes great for ya. My ex ignored my birthday too. =/ Felt like sh.

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She might've thought it was a mass text. Don't be disappointed, hang tough *hugs*

 

Thanks!! I did personalize it though- I said something like 'Hi X, this is Robin. I got a new number a while ago. You crossed my mind tonight and just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. Hope you're all well.' ... so yeah no mistaking it was to her. But there are lots of reasons why she wouldn't answer, I get it. Still a little sad over it.

 

But thank you for the reply anyway. Trying to just let it go.

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I dreamed about you last night. Its driving me mad how much you're on my mind lately. Its the holidays I'm sure. I didn't think it was going to be this bad. Part of me REALLY wants to text you today, fighting with myself not to. I want to say something like 'Hi M, this is Robin. Know its random but you crossed my mind and wanted to wish you and your fam happy holidays' Literally fighting with myself not to do that. Just...no.

 

Oh but my dream. I dreamed I internet stalked you- kinda like I did in March when I found out you had a girlfriend....and this time again the same thing. Only it was so strange, she was at least 25 years older then you, and pretty sure she was divorced. I ran accross pictures of you two together on what looked like MySpace...such an odd dream. I remember really upset. Ugh I hate dreamed like that.

 

I wish you would get out of my mind. But I'm thinking back to last Christmas season now, how you and I reconnected right around this time last year- it was like the week after Thanksgiving. And I came up and saw you...and I really thought we would have gotten back together for Christmas. I was hopeful, and happy and really thought for a minute that was our second chance. You made me think you wanted it too, telling me you never stopped loving me, how much you missed me...all this stuff...then you got cold feet, backed away, said you weren't sure. Just like so many times before. It hurts like HELL to think of that now. How you were never 'sure' of us..of me. That's basically the last thing you said to me back in September too 'I love you, but I just don't know. I'm confused and F'ed up.' ....you either love me and want to be with me or you don't. three years later and i should get that.

 

I'm such a messed up person because of you. And still- STILL despite it all, part of me still wants you in my life again, especially around the holidays. Just STOP...

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Happy bday hun! Hope the day goes great for ya. My ex ignored my birthday too. =/ Felt like sh.

 

Thanks! I'm pretty determined to not let it get me down... Honestly, I feel like my continuing NC is going to be way harder... It's so much easier when you don't GET any contact. Might be posting on here a looooot more now...

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I miss you and love you. Last year this time we were so happy. I miss your smile, your big beautiful eyes, your voice. This all doesn't make sense. We were each other's confidants, we were so close. I can't believe it can be finished after that fight. I want to be with you, I want to prove to you we can work it out. I think you just blocked out all thoughts of me. Was I good for you? Did I really support you and made you happy like I thought? This life doesn't make sense if you are just gonna forget about me, but you already did. I'm scared I'm losing memories of us, I don't want to lose them, but they are just too painful to keep. I don't want it to become just a blur. I'm scared I will never be so close to anyone in this life. I felt so happy with you, so carefree. I could tell you anything. After you've left I've had a new haircut and I think I look really good. But that doesn't make me happy at all, because I want you to see me and I want you to think and say that I'm beautiful. I just want to learn to play guitar and sing songs for you

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W-

 

I can't believe it's been over 10 weeks since we broke up. That's a little over 70 days. I once read in a book somewhere that you should proceed with No Contact for 60 days after a break up. Well, it's been over that and I still don't want to see you. I know that's mostly because I don't want those feelings to come back. I haven't cried in awhile and that pain I used to feel has dissipated immensely. But I get this feeling that if I were to see or talk to you, it would hurt like a b**ch. And I've come so far.

 

So one of my besties saw you on Thanksgiving. She went over to your place to visit with your roomie, S. She said she was surprised that I didn't ask a million questions about you when I heard that she was over at your place and had just left. She was proud of me for not calling her right away and grilling her. I told her, "Well, of course I wanted to know, but really... what's the point? What for?" But I DID end up asking her the next night, when we went out dancing. She told me that you look exactly the same and it was clear that you missed me. You told her that you would drop off my stuff for me at my place and she told you no, that she would take it now. I'm sure you were disappointed by that. She said you asked about me a lot and you even defended me on one topic. You made a comment about something you saw on my Facebook (so she thinks you go look at my FB page) and then you made a butt-hurt comment about how I wasn't calling you. Clearly, you've noticed my lack of contact (NONE since you dumped me that night!) and it's bothered you. But, what do you expect, man? You broke my heart and I have every right to cut you out of my life if I wanted to. Am I the first ex gf to cut you off completely after a break up? Hurts, doesn't it? But you can't have your cake and eat it too, buddy. You did with your last ex and you wonder why things are so strained between you two now. I did learn from my friend that you aren't dating anyone right now. That's probably for the best. Technically, I'm not either but that doesn't mean I'm not getting my *needs* met, if ya know what I mean... Ha!

 

I don't get it. You ask about me a lot, even DEFEND me, and pretty much make it clear to my friend that you miss me... So W-T-F? Were you just a big p***y? Were you just chicken sh** when the word marriage came up? But no, it wasn't just that. Honestly, I put more into the relationship than you ever did and I never heard the words, "I think you're amazing and I just really want to be with you." No, you never really wanted a relationship with me. And why not? I know I'm not perfect, but you picked on me. And all I ever did was love you and want to be with you and make you happy. Wow. I was such a terrible person. And never mind the fact that I took care of you, wanted to do things for you, and oh! You KNOW we had a lot of fun together. We never fought, we were into all of the same things, enjoyed the same music, activities, movies and TV shows. I used to read books to you while you played video games and you loved it! You know that things with us were just so damn EASY. And comfortable. It's really hard to find that with someone. But- I don't think you get that. Maybe you will some day. When you truly realize what you have lost- although I don't think that time is now. You're getting closer, but you're not quite there. I think the more distant and less I feel about you- the more that realization will hit you. And I think that may only happen when I love someone else.

 

Well, it's late and I have to wake up early. I hope you grow up. I thought you were a man, but I guess I was mistaken.

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18 months have passed now, and I still miss you like crazy. Every minute of every day. I wish you'd stop contacting me so often. Of course, I want to hear from you, but it's a double-edged sword, and I can't move on with these small reminders all the time. I need to forget you, but it's so difficult. I don't want to, but I have to. I know I've lost you forever, but try as I might, my heart just can't process that. I still love you, sweetheart. I just wish I didn't.

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I woke up this morning and realised that we no longer live together and that this was the first morning with you in your new home.

 

I miss you so much.

 

I wish that life circumstanced had not come between us.

 

I am here. Find me. Find me every night and I will be there to meet you.

 

If only you'd known there

was never anything you could say that would make me stop loving you.

 

There was always only you.

 

Only you, my darling

 

Xxx

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I don't know what to feel at the moment.

I know we ended up in a bad way, both of us hurting each other with our sharp words.

While I may never forgive you for those..I never learned to keep anger in my heart.

I am now starting a new life with someone new who makes me feel special and amazing and everything is really going great between us.

But why out of the blue after almost 60 days of NC you would suddenly sent me an email

and giving a suicidal tendency on it.

It is not just fair.

U made me so worried . Obviously i still care much about you when I know I shouldnt.

Why? Why do you have to exist again just when Im beginning to pick up the pieces.

I contacted you . I cant help it but to be there for you despite everything and now you are starting to mess up my head again.

No...i have to stop being in contact with you again.

I am now with someone else...he deserve better from me.

While I am not happy to know that you are suffering , things have changed between us and I am no longer the same girl I used to be.

Someone now owns my heart and i can only wish you to feel better soon. Goodbye Mr. Turtle

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Hi S,

 

I know you have a lot of anger and resentment towards me, especially from what I've done after the break up.

 

I've never hit an all time low, and I don't know if you could ever understand what that's like. I did things that I seriously

regret.

 

I just don't want you to harbor any anger towards me. We loved each other a lot and called each other "the one". We planned

on getting married and we even got an apartment together, but you left me with it.

 

I'll never try to get you back because I know it wouldn't work and I know you don't want me. I just don't want to have any

hateful feelings towards me. I am trying to accept that we may never be friends or be in each other's lives.

 

You did a lot of sh*tty things to me both during and after the relationship, and I forgive you. I forgive myself for what I've done

after the break up and that's all I ask of you.

 

I truly wish that you are happy, moving on, and not in any pain. If it's any consolation, I have not moved on completely yet. I still

miss you and think about the good times we've shared. I had never been so happy with anyone in my life, regardless of your flaws.

 

It hurts me that my flaws were too much for you to handle and you ran away 5 times. I hope some day you will learn what commitment means

because when you are in a committed relationship, it feels really good. I know because I've been in a relationship like that.

 

I hope that you're not in any pain, that you're moving on and finding happiness and peace. I hope to get to that place soon.

 

Take care, I still think about you and I do care about you.

 

- DJ

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I am missing you so much tonight that my heart hurts. I know you told me that you still loved me desperately and just needed time and space. I know you meant it then, but I am so afraid that you will block me out again. I miss you. I so miss you. Please call me. Please be OK.

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I love you, even if you dont care anymore. I made my choice a long time ago that i wanted you, for better or for worse. Now look what we've done; we've gotten ourselves in this huge mess. My parents have basically forbidden me to even message you. You say you dont care anymore because i've attempted to move on. Well, thats where you're wrong. I don't even like this new guy, i'm just using him to make my parents happy. If i could, i'd drop him right now and come running straight in your arms. I told you before, I'm your's, forever and always. All I want is for you to either realize we both feel the same way or that you should move on. I'll be alright, eventually. All I want is for you to be happy, even if that doesn't involve me. I love you, my dear, forever and always

-H

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OMG, I just read the words "emotional tampon" here on a post, and I realise sadly, that is all I have been to you. You contact me sporadically to bolster your ego. You withdrew every bit of love and affection from me, and then played again with my emotions. You must be a very damaged or incomplete person to treat someone like that who was probably the best friend you ever had.

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I guess what upsets me the most is coming to terms with the fact that you never loved me. You thought you did but it wasn't real. True love is not walking out on someone when times are tough. I hope you one day can put your Disney fairytale fantasy aside and understand that a happy and healthy relationship requires work. That is why I chose to stick with you for 3 months when you went through all your emotional crap. And what do I have to show for it? You ignoring me and forcing me to move on. Fantastic...despite what you think right now...one day you'll understand how well I treated you and how much I loved you. It will unforunately be too late.

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