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Id like to just tell my ex that she is a freaking idiot to cheat on me and want to leave. You had the realization that the guy she cheated on me with was not as good for her as I am. And yet you still cheated with him!! Are you Freaking slow! Who in there right mind would be so stupid! I treated her like a princess and literally would have given her anything and you leave me for a guy that still lives with his parents. You told me that if you stayed with me I could make you happy but then you said thats just not what you want! Huh?? how in the world does that even make sense to you? Why would you rather go to parties and get used up by any guy who will have you when you already have a guy thats giving his heart to you and honestly only wants to make you happy? I hope the new guy treats you like the worthless pice of tail you want to be treated like. You say im the best youve ever had and you still dont want to be in a relationship with me?? Your a freakin psycho!! I literally donot understand how you can live with yourself knowing that you even caused me the slightest pain after how nicely ive treated you of the last 6 months!! I truly hope that every guy you fall in love with for the rest of your life uses you and treats you like the dirty pos you are!!!

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Still missing you every minute of every day. I wish we could have sat down and come up with an alternative plan, but you didn't see that there could be alternatives. I know you did the best you could, and you left me because you love me. I am leaving the door open for when you return.

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Thanks, Snow. I didn't look. I get tempted every time I'm on there, but it comes and goes. When it gets strong enough, I have to step away from the computer..been going for lots of long walks lately.

 

I have similar coping strategies. Taking long walks can feel really nice sometimes don't they?

 

 

 

You know, I tell myself I don't "really" care about you anymore. Sometimes though if I've been drinking I might remember you. The fact it's only really reminding me when I've been drinking is a good supply though I think. When I'm sober I'm too busy to care anymore. And when I'm not busy and sober? Meh...I just don't care. When I've been drinking sometimes I think about us sexually. I guess that's pretty natural though.

 

After what you did I don't love you anymore. It borders on hate actually. I still think about our intimacy though. I don't know how healthy that is... I'm trying to break out of it though and I can say for sure that even that urge (as far as you're concerned) is fading.

 

Don't contact me. I've been in a new healing stage for a few weeks. Don't let me lose it by contacting me now. Go away. Don't come back. Ever.

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Hey Snow, walks and writing have been my saviours..and supportive people, such as yourself.

I don't trust myself to drink, because I think I would check his facebook and call him on my sister's phone or something. The sexual thing makes sense. I can relate. It's what links us with our partner, in the end. Otherwise it would have been a friendship.

 

To my ex:

 

Well, I made it through Easter without contacting you. It was tough at some times, and I really pondered what went wrong, while I was out for a walk. A great sadness came over me.

 

It was our first holiday apart from one another in over a year. I couldn't help but think you were thinking about me, but then I thought, I don't really want to know what you're thinking. What if you don't miss me as much as I miss you? It would break my heart to think of you having fun. I want good things for you, but I hope you remember the love that we felt for one another. Either way, it's out of my control.

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You haven't texted in about a month. I assume you've gotten into the mindset that you need to move on and to stop wasting time on me. That's good. I just want you to know that I would have really loved a friendship with you. Don't think that I'm also not sending you any texts or messages because you don't matter to me, anymore. I'm doing it because I want you to move on and to get to a better place. I don't want to hold you back. You would probably think everything I just said is bs, but it's not. I'm not as mean and selfish as you seem to remember me as. Anyway, I really hope you've started going to classes again. You've finally been able to get into college, again...please don't ruin your chances. You'll find yourself in a much better place as long as you take all the opportunities given to you.

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Not sure if I really want to contact him but I miss him so much. I just walked over to Washington Square park in the cold and sat there and listened to a man play the blues on the saxophone. I sat on a bench hidden in the dark corner with my dog and just cried silently watching all of the couples kissing in the park. I see my ex on G-chat I wished he would message me but then I realized why on earth would he do that. I thought I was feeling better but that was because I was surrounded by friends. Now I am alone and I am sad. I wish he was here with me, I wish he would decide that he missed me and made a mistake. I decided to not put him on a pedestal because it's my feelings that are making me want him not him, and my delusions of something that probably wasn't there, because who would want someone who doesn't want you? That's silly. I Can't wait to heal and move on. Only on day two and it feels like eternity. I wish i didn't have to see him Thursday-Sunday and sleep in the same bed. How am I ever supposed to heal.

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You said you'd never leave me! You said you'd work things out with me but you put almost zero effort into doing so. You kept telling me how much you loved me, but clearly you didn't know how to show that love, and you let it die! Now get out of my head! I want to forget you, and move on with my life.

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what ticks me off Is that I don't have a friend in you. I thought I did. what are you doing? what is your game plan? why do you wish to let me shop for others? the last person you found out about you threatened and he broke under your power. it doesn't even bother me that you did that. but why would you? and why write me a letter and then run away from me again? is ann with you all week? are you just moody as helll as you claim? if I don't give solace then I am not home to you. I really must get you out of my heart but I know it will take years. nc is too extreme,but I must try it in bits. You, who claims I am the only thing that would tie you to this city, you are an idiot and a coward. but I knew that. apparently it doesn't matter. I want more.

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I still miss you...wishing it would stop pretty soon. Everything reminds me of you, the movies that i'm watching on the television, other couples that seems to always be around when I'm running errands. I don't know what to do sometimes when I'm in this "I miss you" state. IT's been close to a month now since we both gone nc and there isn't any signs of you breaking down ( as far as I know) and I'm not going to give in and be the first to text you first or better yet call you. You were the one who took off and decided to leave why should I be the one to contact you? And if you contact me, what makes you think I would give in and let you into my life so easily? I still hate you very much but my love for you is much stronger than that. I just want to know that you're thinking of me too.

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The last few days have been tough. Maybe you miss me so much I can feel it. Maybe not. Sometimes I hope I'll hear the apartment buzzer, and it'll be you. I hope, at times, that you'll message me through your sister or your Mom, because I still have them on my Facebook. I've commented on things from your friend, since I've blocked you. She doesn't respond. I hope she's not mad at me for blocking you. I could understand it, but, at the same time, it would be a little immature, especially since she knows about the troubles we've had, and that I was never manipulative or mean. I would never block you out of hate.

 

I thought this was supposed to get better with time, the longing feelings, but they've gotten worse.

I go out for a long walk everyday, whether I'm tired or not. It's just something to do to distract myself [To others reading, I'm not working at the moment or going to school, so I need to find things to distract myself].

 

It's just so hard sometimes. I should go to bed soon, because then at least I can go to bed, knowing I didn't contact you. I can sort of reset myself for tomorrow. I think about you holding me when I fall asleep. It's the only way we really stay close anymore.

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Now I just got the idea that maybe you changed your relationship status on Plentyoffish. I thought it was strange that you kept the account up, even when you were with me. It said you were taken, but still, it's a little weird. I have a profile on there too..not looking, but I made it after the break up. I don't have a picture up, but it's easy to find you. Even until the end of our friendship, you still had "In a relationship" on your facebook. It might even still be there. You told me it was because you didn't want others to flirt with you right now. Maybe it was your way of holding on to me, when you felt you had little grasp.

 

It makes me feel sick to think you might look for someone else so soon. None of this is confirmed. I won't check, because that wouldn't be healthy.

 

When you told me your life priorities, you told me, school, work, and kids. I said, "Well, kids don't just magically appear". That's where I fit in, right. I would be the one to give you kids, only I probably don't want any. There lies another dilemma.

 

What if a year goes by, and I finally contact you, and we get close again, and I realize you still want kids? I guess we can only take life a day at a time. If I won't give you kids, and you're that serious about it, you could very well find someone else to have kids with.It hurts my heart, but I guess I can't deny you that opportunity...kids..you would make such a beautiful father (inside and out).

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Dear A,

This will (hopefully) be my last letter to you. Of course, you don't even know this forum exists and that I am posting to it, so it's all moot. But still...

 

I rescind my last post. Completely. I forgive you completely. And I forgive myself too. Simply, because we are and were both human. You are a wonderful person and you will always be a wonderful person. I am unquestionably better for having known you.

 

Wish you all the happiness in the world

 

I am happy and peaceful now too myself, and have healed finally.

 

Goodbye and be good. Always, your, truly,

H

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how long will it take of NC before you contact me ? it used to be one day. now I am predicting.....7. till then, I will write here instead. Good morning! how was your Interview yesterday ? what do your instincts tell you? how full of crap are you? Oh ops I didn't mean to say that out loud. have a great day!

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I had a terrible headache when I woke up with morning. It hurt to squint my face and cry but I did it anyway. I am still doing it. I miss you so much. I miss everything about us. It's only day three and I know you are busy at work, too busy at work to think about me like you said, but I don't believe that you don't. We have been together so long and lived together that it would be impossible not to.

 

I wish I had something to keep me busy. I wish that you would miss me. I wish that you would realize that you made a mistake and don't want me out of your life. I wish that I wasn't waiting impatiently for you to get home. How am I supposed to recover if you will be back in the house on Thursday and if we will be sleeping in the same bed. When we broke up on Sunday and slept in the same bed together all I could think about was how I wanted you to put your arm around me. You didn't but I liked that you rolled into me and that our bodies touched. I can't recover this way. I am going to look at an apartment today but it hurts me. I hope I don't break down while i'm there.

 

I keep wishing that you will change your mind because I will be in the house with you and in the bed with you, but I am going to try to leave when you get back. Leave for a night too. You asked for this break up and I owe it to myself to walk keep my dignity and give you what you wanted. I am happy that I haven't begged and pleaded with you day after day like I have with other exs. The day we broke up and I let my feelings show that was ok. I deserved a day. I feel good about that. I am going to do my own thing. Maybe you will come around, maybe not but at least I know that I finally took a breakup in the most mature way possible.

 

I love you and I miss you and I want you to take the break up back

 

I see you online on gchat and facebook. I wish that you IM me. I am not going to think about it and sign out. I need to erase you from these places but I don't have it in me to do it yet.

Edited by Chelle212
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Seeing you... did so much to me. I didn't dare to walk towards you and start a conversation. Afraid you would hurt me.

But I did have the guts to spill out my feelings in a message to you. I did have the guts to reach out to you and to be honest about this:

 

I don't want to hold on to a grudge towards you, I just want us to be ok with eachother. You were a piece of my past and that means something to me. I cared about you.

And it doesn't do me any good that now we treat eachother less than strangers would. I feel guilt, I feel regret, I feel anger and pain.

But most of all I don't feel at peace at the way we feel towards eachother now. I wish we could be some kind of friends.

There is this lose end. And I just want us to have a conversation with eachother to understand eachother about what happened in the past.

 

But you didn't reply at all.

You really still avoid me like the plague.

I'm not going to bite you know.

This hurts me.

 

But I have given you a chance. And you decided to just act like your noose is bleeding.

That should be your problem then, not mine!

 

But it feels like my problem now because I'm sitting here feeling sht about it.

What can I do to really let this go? What can I do to forgive myself, forgive you and move on?

 

I don't know!!

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how long will it take of NC before you contact me ? it used to be one day. now I am predicting.....7. till then, I will write here instead. Good morning! how was your Interview yesterday ? what do your instincts tell you? how full of crap are you? Oh ops I didn't mean to say that out loud. have a great day!

 

This happened to me during the relationship too. Sometimes he would go a couple days without calling, or even answering the phone. It was doomed from the beginning in a way.

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Reading Moonchill's post, it reminded me of how we ended contact.

There was a week of no contact, then I called you. You were at your friend's, drinking. I realized it was not a good time to chat. The call lasted under a minute. You said you missed me, and I said I missed you too (great way for so called "friends" to talk to one another, right? Like being "just friends" really worked out)

I figured you would call me the next day, but a week went by, and you didn't call me. That's when I decided to keep the NC. I made it official. I ended my phone plan, and blocked you from facebook, but my phone still had a few more days in it. I texted you to explain that being friends was too painful, and that maybe we will meet again. I wrote that you would not be able to access my facebook. Luckily, your phone is not able to send outgoing texts. The text went through, so I hope you received it. I have to have faith that you did. You are on someone else's plan and have told me that she could take the phone back anytime, since you haven't been paying her, but you've been saying that for a while, and she hadn't taken it back yet. If you didn't see it, then she did, but I'm betting you did. Still, what if..what if you didn't see it. That would leave loose ends...I have to have faith that you did. That's all I can do. It went through, so you must have seen it. It's not worth it to contact you over that.

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Every night I go to bed and every morning I wake up to this overwhelming feeling, this saddness just pressing down me until I can't breathe. I have loved you from the best part of me. I don't know when or where it happened, but it just happened. It was honest and true.

 

We have been through so much together, haven't we? All the joys, sorrows, celebrations, accomplishments, and heartache. That strengthened our love for each other...or so I thought. I don't know what is in your heart now as I once knew. You tell me that you miss me and long for me and yet you are with someone else. You tell me that you are afraid that I will hurt you. But if you really wanted to be together you'd give me that chance. Life is too short not to take chances. We dreamt of setting up a home together and now you are on your way without me.

 

I miss you so much. I can't forget about you as hard as I try. I can't hate you as much as I want to. I still dream about you every night and of what we meant to each other. I had to stop calling. I had to stop texting. You have been like a drug to me and quitting you has been the hardest thing that I have had to do so far. I look to my phone or emails expectantly to see a waiting message. But it hasnt come. I am sorry I can't be your friend. I dont know how to be your friend anymore. My friendship with you got me to the place where I am at today...totally and utterly destroyed.

 

Just know that I am your biggest well-wisher. Don't ever let anyone destroy your hopes and dreams. I will be a "friend" but a "friend" in the shadows until I hope one day you and I can meet again with all the hurt, the regret, and the past behind us.

 

I love you...

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Right now I talked to a friend who might have ruined my no contact. She told me to tell him what I just told her. I want to tell him that I never actually thought I would loose him. When he warned me about the way he was feeling I never took it seriously. I regret it and wish that I had. If I had a second chance I so would. I want to tell him this but I won't . I'm sure he knows.

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It's took me two months to get to the acceptance stage, but it's felt like forever.

 

I know you're not coming back baby, too much has changed. I love you, I still love you. Even though you've changed, I still love you, the old you. I want you to be happy no matter what, yeah? That's all I want.

 

One day we can hopefully be friends.

 

P.s I miss you like crazy

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